Sanders Blog

Sunday, 29th October, 2023

I remember, I remember,
The house where I was born …Thomas Hood 1827

I was reading of lots of flooding in the East Midlands over the past few days. I immediately thought of my past. I am from the East Midlands and Repton Road connecting the village with Derby on one side went past St Wystan’s, The Anglo-Saxon abbey church, over the River Trent on what is now a Grade 2 listed bridge. There were notable occasions when the Trent breached its banks and the village was cut off.

Derby Live sent stories of flooding this week but my brothers and sisters will know that the only photo I could find is out of date. It is looking across the Trent floodplain to Willington where the power station has been demolished for some time.

The Grade 2 Bridge has been damaged though and villagers are up in arms about a botched repair which they are being told is temporary. I’m afraid it is village politics like this that I was glad to escape.

No escaping the rain, though. It is a watery world even down here. Yesterday, the Worthing Firework display and carnival was called off hours before it was due to start because of heavy rain forecast and they were proved right. The evening and night brought torrential rain. Hastings – just 50 miles down the coast was completely flooded. Suddenly, after 7 months exercising largely outside in the sunshine, it feels strange to be back in the Gym watching films.

We have our own park pond at the moment. About a mile down the road where I walk most days, the huge grassy area popular for sunbathing and picnics, is currently a boating lake although it’s more popular with seagulls today.

Monday, 30th October, 2023

Slept well last night. Strange but I woke up with the solution to a problem that has been dominating my mind for a few weeks. I tend to be rather impulsive but I am also rational. These are opposing tensions. I have spent weeks thinking it through, rationalising something which, ultimately, I will swallow hard and do. I woke up this morning knowing what the answer is although I will hold back for a couple of days and then act. It feels decided.

Day 12 of my Radiotherapy and schools were back so the ‘school run’ again. Traffic was noticeably more. I am getting a bit more blasé about the routines which is dangerous because it is important not to treat it too casually. I have to keep reminding myself that it is very serious. I am dealt with my a rotating team of about 8 pairs of Irish girls. I am getting to know their personalities which is something I don’t want to do. They are all chatty and welcoming. I am unusually disengaged. Home by 11.15 am and then life carries on.

We needed fresh vegetables from Sainsburys. Broccoli, at the moment is delicious and flavoursome. Well, it would be if you could buy it. I’m hooked on it. We went on Friday, Saturday and again today and still no broccoli …. and very few tomatoes. Apparently, ours come from Europe now but a shortage over there means little is being transported to us outsiders. Brexit, the gift that keeps giving!

Afternoon in the Gym. Got to keep fighting. Watching a British Spy serial called Spooks at the moment. There are 86 episodes so I will probably not complete it but it is taking my mind off things. Actually, the Covid Inquiry on Sky News is almost as gripping. Fascinating to watch Party Marty try to bluff his way through a non-explanation of why he deleted his Whatsapp conversations when the Inquiry was announced. They are all so entitled they think they can just busk it.

Tuesday, 31st October, 2023

Heavy rain over night. Didn’t sleep well but had fallen into a lovely dream that I was woken from at 5.45 am by the radio coming on. Dry and warm this morning. Last day of October for the world. Day 13 for me. Have to be in Brighton for 8.40 am.

Got there late because the traffic was awful. Tuesday is definitely the new Monday as work from home has become established. Just had time to drink a litre and a half of water before going in. I’ve said that I try to be withdrawn and impersonal as much as I can during this process. I’ve noticed that others tend to be very chatty, unusually jovial and rather over the top. The girl who tends to me more than any other asked me how many sessions I had had. I told her this was the 13th and I hoped it would be lucky.

She said immediately, Ah, yes. God willing. I told her that I didn’t believe in God. She said, Surely, John, you must have faith. I told her that the only faith I had was in Medical Science. I said, You must be a good, Irish Catholic. She agreed she was. I told her my Mother was. It was the first personal information I had volunteered so far. I slightly regretted it.

It’s strange but, although I don’t like to share my feelings with the radiotherapy staff who are asking about them, I feel happier sharing, in fact the need to share, with friends from a distance.

Incredible to think it is November tomorrow. So warm and beautiful down at the beach where I went after driving home. Quite a few people down there doing the same thing. One or two people out on the sea in sailing boats. Near the shore, the cancelled Bonfire was being burned down and woodsmoke scented the sea air.

This evening, our neighbours, whose children are in their early teens now, were preparing for a party. Halloween is a concept that escapes me. Mind you, Christmas largely does as well.

Wednesday, 1st November, 2023

Happy new month to all my readers. Hope the Winter treats you well and remains warm. A terrible night for me last night, thanks for asking. Hardly slept.

Up early for a drive through torrential rain and strong winds to Brighton Cancer Centre. It took double the normal time because of awful traffic. It was 16C/61F all night but wet. Today is so unreliable that I will be in the Gym for a few hours this afternoon.

In the Treatment waiting room, I met a man who was on his last session of 20. Four years older than me, he was from Staffordshire like me and was suffering many of the side effects that I am. He has the same consultant and is exhausted from the treatment. He looked exhausted and is really struggling emotionally at the end of his treatment.

Today was the day of the College Reunion for the first men’s cohort that I was in. They are all in their early to mid 70s. Kevin & JohnR were there to represent me and Kevin arranged a video call so that I could join in when I got home. Said Hello to Kevin, John ‘Tash’ Coates, Chris Tolley, Dave Weatherly, John Morris, Andy Henderson, Derek Coulson, Peter Holgate, Dave Roberts in the Scarborough Hotel, Leeds. At least they didn’t ghost me.

I’ve never been there but I was quick to see the irony that they boasted Ind Coopes Burton Beers. Between 1962 – 1968, I went to Burton Grammar School in the shadow of Ind Coopes Pale Ale Brewery. The odour of hops drifted across the Trent valley although I was more fixated on the Girls’ Grammar School at the time.

Thursday, 2nd November, 2023

A warm night of violent winds and torrential rain. The garden had been rearranged by 6.00 am this morning. Fortunately, a quick check suggested no real damage. Even so, I decided to go to Brighton especially early because I don’t want to miss a session. There was a lot of deep, standing water on the roads but there was almost no traffic. People had clearly decided to stay at home. I got there 90 mins early. I went in early and drove home through light traffic arriving almost before I was originally meant to go in. All days should be like this.

Went down to the beach to see what the effect of the storm had been. Sea foam had covered the beach road over night along with half of the beach.

I didn’t get to Yorkshire yesterday although I will have to go North very soon to sort things out. My friend, Kevin, very kindly video conferenced me to the meeting so I could say Hello to all those people I haven’t met up with since 1972. It was delightful. Because we were the first men (boys) in the College history and such a small number in a community of women, we formed a more insular bond. Well, that’s the theory. I’m not completely sure it was true. Certainly, I spent more of my time with girls than boys but that’s another story.Scenes from the Care Home

I have to admit that it’s shocking to see how old we are. I suppose it is more in the attitude than the body now.

Friday, 3rd November, 2023

Day 16 of treatment. Finish on Thursday next week if all goes well. The bad news I received today was that the side effects continue and get worse for a month after treatment stops. The lovely Irish blonde who is treating me welcomed me with, Happy Friday. I returned the greeting with, Happy World Jellyfish Day. The BBC World Service announced at 4.00 am that there was a vast increase in jellyfish because of warming waters and today was their day. I must admit, Aisling didn’t look over impressed but I have that effect on girls.

In this week in 2010, we were still in Oldham. Pauline’s Mum had died and Pauline scattered her ashes in the Memorial Gardens of the Crematorium.

We had been retired for about 18 months but we were still getting many demands from our old school. In this same week in 2010, we received 5 separate requests from people in or connected to school. I had a man I had appointed just wanted to talk, a man who I had been training wanting further guidance, a female teacher and a girl ex-pupil wanting references. Pauline had a visit from the police to discuss a domestic abuse case she had dealt with more than a year ago.

At the same time, we were keen to move on. We were urgently looking for properties to buy in the south of England although we really weren’t sure where. We were driving to our Greek home each Spring and back in the Autumn so I wanted to be closer to the Eurotunnel. I had initially thought that Kent would be best but my Chef/Cleaner really didn’t fancy it. I began to move round the South Coast to East Sussex. We visited many sites but none grabbed her. They all looked rather last century and a bit seedy. Her family had graduated from Oldham to Surrey and that is where we finally found a property which lasted us for 5 years.

I have to admit that Surrey never really attracted me and, as soon as I could, I escaped to Sussex which I absolutely love. My one regret is it has taken me away from friends – people who give me joy in my life. Just means I have to revisit more often. For those Blog readers who knew me in the past, perhaps went to college with me, I thought it would be nice to feature a figure from the past. Someone who has not been seen by anyone since 1972 turned up at the reunion this week.  He was a ’Mature’ student but a very pleasant one. I have to admit, I wouldn’t have recognised Bill Walker if I’d been there. Probably, he wouldn’t have recognised me.

I hardly recognise myself at the moment. Two or three years ago, you wouldn’t have caught me watching films at all. Then, during Lockdown, I started to watch historically and politically based films in the Gym. I found they really helped to while away the time as I exercised. In the past week, I’ve watched a couple of RomComs with my wife and quite enjoyed them. Last night, Love at First Sight really held my interest. It was actually quite moving. Must be going soft in old age!

Saturday, 4th November, 2023

The local Rugby Club which is about two fields away from us made the brilliant decision to hold its Firework Display last night. It was cool but bright and dry. I’m a little past fireworks but the night sky was lit up for a couple of hours with delightful shooting stars of blue, red, green & gold. Over night, under a piercingly clear sky of stars and moon, the temperature dropped to 4C/39F by 1.00 am but had risen to 11C/52F just 3 hours later as the rain came across.

I had a strange night of dreams. I saw myself as a student in a sheepskin waistcoat/gilet. I inherited it from a passing stranger and wore it for months. I think I believed it made me look ‘hip’. It was grubby and smelly but ‘cool’. The person who bequeathed it – a hairy midget – was half my size so it was never a good fit but what we do for ‘fashion. I don’t know what happened to it but it still exists in my memory. Might expand on those memories in future Blogs.

I am often brought up sharply by photographs of the past. This black & white snap was taken about half a mile from my ‘flat’ in Oldham and only 5 years before I arrived. It looks like a scene out of The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists.

I always saw the College males as ‘boys’ not ‘men’. Seeing them pictured a few days ago, the reverse has to be true. Where has it gone? Has it gone? Can it be retrieved? I will do every thing I can to hang on. Must visit Dave Weatherley in Bolton very soon.

One of the things that this treatment programme has done for me is reinstate That Friday Feeling that I lost in retirement. Yesterday, we opened a bottle of champagne in the afternoon. This morning, after an unsettled night, I stayed in bed until 7.00 am. Actually, I was finding it difficult to face the world. Rain was still falling heavily. It may have been a warm world but it wasn’t inviting. Farewell cruel world!

You would be forgiven for forgetting what a cynical, cold world it is. Those who you thought were on your side turn out quite the opposite. Yesterday, I received a touchingly intimate email from my Tory MP …. Fortunately, Boundary Changes mean he won’t be it for long even if he survives the election.

Looking forward to getting this treatment over so we can start travelling again both in and outside the country. Just 5 years ago, we were renting a villa in Tenerife for a couple of months and enjoying the warm sunshine. Need to find some more soon.

Sunday, 22nd October, 2023

A beautiful morning after a sad day. A day of loss. That is how life goes. There is always an upside but you have to see it. I am going out in shorts and tee shirt in warm – almost hot – sunshine under blue skies to get on with my life.

Yesterday was a sad day for lots of reasons. For example a boyhood hero, Bobby Charlton died at the age of 86. When you are 10 or 15 years old, the age of 86 seems like forever. When you are 72, it makes one reflect on one’s own longevity and what one still needs to achieve.

It was a sad day for England cricket who were comprehensively thrashed in the World Cup in Mumbai yesterday. For me it was an even sadder day as England lost by one point in the final minutes to South Africa in the Rugby World Cup. I watched with my long distant friend, Kevin up in Yorkshire.

If you think grown men don’t cry, you only have to look at the faces of players who have given everything but still lost. It is no sign of weakness but evidence of really caring. What marks us out is how we respond. Do we turn our backs and walk away to do something else or do we refuse to accept failure, redouble our efforts and go again. Think of other ways to achieve our goal. I have to say that I favour the latter. I cannot and never will accept failure. I have to win. Past failures have to be readdressed.

Yesterday, I wrote about the concept of Determinism. Today, I’ve been focussing on …. bin liners. I bought a new kitchen bin from simplehuman. It cost me £120.00 which my wife thought was ridiculous even though it’s about the price she pays for a pair of trousers. The bin has a 10 year warranty so I registered it on line. They offered me 20% off my next purchase so I looked for how I might use it. Custom-fit bin bags were on offer delivered free to my door. They came in various size packs so, as always, I went for the biggest: 240 bags for £75.00. I thought it was reasonable. My wife didn’t. When I told her I’d ordered them, she went mad. There is no accounting for people’s behaviour is there Dear Reader?

And if you don’t love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain (never break the chain)

And so it is that the house is reverberating to the sound of Fleetwood Mac.. Not my choice but my wife’s favourite. I know about a handful of their songs and, through repetition, I like them but I prefer the lyrics.

Monday, 23rd October, 2023

Beautiful morning apart from the fact that it is Day 7 of Irradiation. There is a faint whiff of cooking meat in the air. I recruited a new friend to come with me on the journey. We met in the sunshine of the garden yesterday.

This beautiful creature entered my life yesterday. Isn’t she gorgeous? Actually, I say ‘she’ but snails are hermaphrodite. When common garden snails (Helix aspersa) mate, a penis is extruded from the side of each head as the snails join together. Too much information? Hope you weren’t eating Breakfast although … is there any more appropriate time for snail sex?Anyway, I am far too shy for such activities so I’ve told her/him that she’s got a ‘window’ to do whatever while I’m out.

The irradiation sessions seem to be getting longer each time I go. Still got 13 more. Decided to celebrate when it’s over with a French shopping trip before Christmas and I think I’m going to need a trip to the North of England as well. Just booked a couple of nights in France – buy some wine, chocolate, hopefully porcelain replacements for things we’ve I’ve broken, presents, interesting ingredients for Christmas Dinner, etc..

A little trip like this used to be so cheap with discount, off-peak Eurotunnel tickets, etc. This one will cost £190.00 return Tunnel crossing plus £300.00 for the hotel. Just renewed our travel insurance annual policy. It is ‘free’ with our bank account although it isn’t. We have to pay a 2 x £75.00 age extension premium for being over 70 and an extra £180.00 for my condition as a decrepit old man. So it is ‘free’ if you don’t count the £330.00 add-ons.

Just completed my exercise routine this afternoon. Was tired, lethargic, a bit jittery and lacking in energy. I’m only 30% of the way through my treatment. I had hoped to stave off these feelings for as long as possible. I don’t like the loss of control.

Tuesday, 24th October, 2023

Didn’t sleep last night until it was time to get up and then I was totally gone. The radio alarm came on at 5.45 am and I fell asleep to the tones of Farming Today. It’s usually compelling listening. Today, it was about genetic modification which I find interesting but now … I’ll never know. There are one or two people I can think of who need genetically modifying but … tomatoes?

Dashing off at 7.45 am today although it was amazing yesterday how quiet the traffic was. When I got there, I suddenly realised it was Half Term. Amazing effect on the traffic. All children should be forced to walk to school no matter how far. Parents’ cars and children’s bikes should be BANNED.

A beautiful morning …. if you’re not going to be irradiated. I arrive at Preston Park Cancer Centre with an hour to spare because the traffic is so light once again. Warm and sunny today, there is a huge contrast between the purpose of the Centre – treating the ill – and the Park across the road which is available for the healthy. Walkers, joggers, dogs all exercise in the park with lots of space and fresh air available.

Had some lovely contacts from a variety of people over the past few hours. My skinny, little sister contacted me having read the Blog. She thinks I’m going on a Booze Cruise. Of course, as you will know, Dear Reader, I’m far more refined than that. It is a short break of a few days from the prison that is treatment. Of course, sisters always think the worst, don’t they .. and I’m so nice to them. At least Skinny Liz thought of me. Might buy her a box of chocolates. … There again …

One of the problems is buying presents for people who have got everything. We will shower them with calories in the guise of chocolates and sweets. We have a special shop in France that we use to source exactly that.

John_R told me today that his daughter is getting married soon. He’s obviously very proud of her. He’s going back to South Korea in the Spring to visit his son who is a teacher out there. Neighour, Jill, has watched me drive out for the clinic each morning and contacted this morning to ask how I was feeling. Julie also asked how things went in the treatment today. She’s going off to look after her 95 year old Mum for a few days. We really do sound old, don’t we?

While I was in the clinic, Kevin, who is about to be a grandfather again, sent me this baptism video. Didn’t surprise me that anything so extreme was Roman Catholic. They are all absolutely mad!

Wednesday, 25th October, 2023

Day 9: Very warm but dark and wet and 6.30 am. The warmth yesterday morning produced that lovely, low-level mist that cold grass hitting warm air produces at this time of the year.

Setting out before 8.00 am for another session of irradiation. Got stuck in a waiting room with lots of other sufferers the other day when the machine broke down. It was a salutatory experience. Suddenly, I became part of the community of cancer sufferers – something I didn’t want and had never even contemplated. It was uncomfortable. People greeted me as if they knew me because of my condition. This is when you need people who do really know you.

Today, there were only two of us there and I was in and out in about 20 mins. The whole process engenders in me a sense of isolation and utter loneliness. It is almost an out of body experience, as if I am watching it happening to someone else. I do try to detach myself from the whole thing. When it’s over and I am walking out, it is almost as if I am allowing myself to breathe again and the emotions flood me. I’ve had so few involvements with hospitals in my life until recently that the whole environment feels utterly alien.

I’m sure many of my readers will think I’m being far too self-indulgent and whingeing about my feelings as I go though this process. In fact, one reader even said quite pointedly that self pity wasn’t an attractive look. I’ve written a number of times that the stiff upper lip approach is not for me. I come to terms with things by expressing them, writing about them openly. Actually, underneath that and possibly because of that, I am very strong. I was reading the response of Julia Bradbury, TV presenter and cancer sufferer who addressed exactly this point.

I allowed myself to feel all the pain, vulnerability and fear because it was an important part of my recovery and healing process. If you quell a trauma, you risk damaging yourself internally. Meditation became very important to me because that’s when I could let the tears flow.Julia Bradbury

Alright, meditation is a step too far but the general thrust is exactly right for me and, if I come through this intact, I will be in a better place to help others around me who go through such an ordeal – even those unkind to me.

My friend, Kevin, is expecting to welcome his 10th grandchild into the world some time today. As someone with no children or grandchildren, I have pointed out to him how excessively greedy this is – 4 children and 10 grandchildren. He’ll have no problem with Carers in his dotage.

Thursday, 26th October, 2023

Dark start to Day 10/20. From tomorrow, it will be all downhill. Should be delighted but a strange concern crept over me yesterday. When this is over, I will receive the final verdict. Has it worked or not? How will I feel if it actually hasn’t? That is to come. For now, another dark drive down the coast to Brighton.

Illness, serious illness definitely makes one more conscious of age. Usually, I feel fit and energetic and optimistic and ‘young’. This morning, an ex-pupil posted this photo of our Craft Block in its infancy. This is exactly the sort of evidence that ages one instantly.

I think it was David Weatherly who posted a photo of this group. It immediately made me feel my age. It depicts John Mayall (89), Mick Fleetwood (76) and Bill Wyman (86). Quite extraordinary how time has gone on and how golden are those memories not to be dismissed easily. We throw away our connections with the past at our peril.

I remember my little brother, Bob, coming home with an LP by John Mayall & the Blues Breakers: A Hard Road. I couldn’t understand it. I was in to the Moody Blues, James Taylor and Joni Mitchell. I remember him coming home so proudly with his first pair of Levi Jeans which were stiff as a board and had to be softened by wearing them sitting in a bath of water while I was wearing very racy, orange striped hipsters. I contacted Bob this morning from the Cancer Centre as I drank my litre of water prior to treatment.

In real time, these wild, broadly sown Cosmos caught my eye yesterday while out walking. We are almost at the end of October and they are still flowering profusely and standing proudly.

Had to accompany the Chef to Sainsburys to buy a list of ingredients for Christmas cakes. Amazing how many women of a similar age were hovering around the same shelves urgently consulting lists.

Friday, 27th October, 2023

Warm, Dark, Wet. Dark, Wet, Warm. It’s going to be an interesting day. Quite a lot of the road I drive to Brighton has terrible drainage with huge pools of standing water when it rains. This morning it will be swimming pools after heavy, overnight rain. The last day of Half Term effect so must enjoy the sparsity of traffic.

This afternoon will be shopping and then spent in the Gym. Chef will be starting Christmas cakes. We debated making 3 which included one for us but have decided against it because, as we agreed, we’d only eat it and we don’t need the calories so just 2 cakes for P&C and for M&K.

Kevin seems so blasé about grandchildren with 9 already that he is very laid back about a 10th. He sent me a photo and hasn’t told me which sex it is. It looks like a boy to me but I daren’t ask because I could be totally wrong. I’m sure it will emerge in time. Before that, I’ll let you decide, Dear Reader. Let me know. …. New Life for Old.

I was reminded that 14 years ago this week, we received confirmation from our Mortgagee, Northern Rock, that we had paid off our last ever mortgage. In 2009, we had still owed £250,000. We had paid off everything we owed on the house in Huddersfield and the house we built in Greece.

We were mortgage-free for the first time in our lives. It was a weirdly, liberating feeling. We had deliberately disciplined and challenged ourselves to save, invest and improve for 30 years and it had paid off. We thought that we would now be able to indulge ourselves but the habits of a lifetime are hard to throw off, aren’t they Dear Reader and we have continued to save and invest across 13 years of retirement. I’m constantly saying, Aren’t we lucky? We just don’t have to worry about money at all. but my wife gets annoyed with me and says, We worked hard for everything we’ve got. You don’t have to apologise. And yet I do. I really do. By the accident of birth, I am in the place I am.

It is a warm day of rapidly alternating hot sun and blue sky with torrential rain out of fast-moving black clouds. Not safe to be out walking without swimming so my exercise will be in the Gym today. I’ve got to find a new film to watch. I like political thrillers, espionage, historically-based drama, etc.. Serious things.

Imagine how I surprised myself when I found myself enraptured by a romantic comedy. A TV presenter of political discussion meets an Irish girl while on location in Ireland. He is immediately hooked by her personality and cannot get her out of his mind.

She is a nightmare but he cannot shake off the memory of her in spite of a chaotic texting relationship, being ghosted and rejected. He breaks all the rules to be with her. Ultimately, he dispenses with his partner and, potentially, his career, they become an uncomfortable couple. Life isn’t comfortable is it? I found it so enjoyable …. I must be MAD. Next ….

Saturday, 28th October, 2023

Torrential rain over night. I heard most of it because I didn’t sleep well. A day off from treatment. I found myself just letting go and sleeping in until ….. 8.00 clock!! My apologies to anyone who is offended. I offend myself by my laziness.

Drove down to the beach after breakfast. The weather was warm, dry and quite bright. High tide was due. In fact, I nearly got drowned again as I took photographs. I still cannot convey the majesty of the waves as they roll in and break on the shore.

Rain is forecast again tonight which is a pity because Worthing, in its wisdom, has decided to hold its Fireworks and Carnival this weekend rather than next. It is still very warm and un-Winter like. I am still living in shorts and tee shirt. Even so, today I am cooking Supper. It will be a Winter-warmer from Greece. Stifado is very much like Beef Stew although it has significant differences.

The flavourings make all the difference. Any meat flavoured with sticks of Cinnamon and Allspice is going to stand out. It also features small, round shallots which accompany the beef in tomato sauce, red wine and brandy reduction. I’ve really enjoyed cooking it, Dear Reader. You are very welcome.

The rain is back this evening and I have retreated to the Gym while my wife watches Strictly Come Dancing with a box of chocolate truffles. She’s ordered another two pairs of trousers to boost her morale. How many pairs of trousers can one woman wear?

Sunday, 15th October, 2023

Coldest night since last March. We were 20C overnight on Friday and just 4C last night. Mind you, some Northern towns went down to 2C which really is bitter. The morning has opened bright and sunny with blue skies and little breeze. I will walk later when the world warms up.

The political programmes this morning are dominated by the Israeli-Palestinian problem. In spite of total condemnation of Hamas, it is good to see commentators speak up and huge crowds come out to support the Palestinian cause. Leaves one wondering why the international community have allowed Israel to imprison the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip for so long. There is a direct causality between the imposed Israeli restrictions and the strength of support for Hamas.

In the past 4 years, I have walked 12,000 miles. Just grinding out the effort day after day – never missing, never giving up – is the way I do it. I used to drive across Europe from Coquelles to Piraeus– a drive of 1100 miles.  I have walked that return trip more than 5 times. I am like a dog with a bone. I never give up. I WILL never give up. Let the word go out. I will never give up until I achieve my goals. I am prepared to break everything to do it.

Call it obsession? Maybe, but I call it determination! I subscribe to the philosophy of that well known Athenian, Socrates, who argued and didn’t stop until he had broken down the expert’s view. The Socratic persistence is what I aspire to.

I AM concerned about wearing out my joints – feet, knees, hips, – but the pitfalls of inaction are worse. At times when I get up in the morning, I ache. Walking downstairs in the morning sometimes, my knees ‘click’. Out walking sometimes my hips ache. Getting out of the car after a long drive, I emerge bent-backed and aching. This is certainly happening increasingly with age. It has to be shrugged off or mitigated by treatment. My live-in podiatrist checks &  creams my feet every morning. My recent skeletal scan showed moderate bone-wear for my age.

I wear out a pair of trainers in about 3 months. I have gradually arrived at the right trainers for me. I always buy Sketchers. Sketchers Arch-Fit Go-Walk are exactly right for me. They cost about £90.00 and I need a blue pair & a black to match my outfit at the time. Well, appearances do matter, don’t they! Looking forward to reporting 25,000 miles walked by the time I’m 76. Where will you be on your timeline in another 4 years, Dear Reader?

It is 7.15 pm. My wife is settling down to watch Strictly Come Dancing: The Results. I am not. I know I ought to support my wife. She has spent so many hours pretending to be interested in sport, trying to show interest in football and rugby, pretending not to be bored by cricket. There is an intolerance in me I can’t control.

Last week I really made an effort to share her viewing with her but I failed within 5 minutes. I heard a judge say, You’re a genius, darling! I looked at the competitor and thought, Genius? Einstein … Genius. Tim Berners-Lee … Genius. Love Island contestant and amateur ballroom dancer …. Genius? I couldn’t help snorting with derision and was immediately banished from the television room. I do try but there is only so far I can stretch.

Monday, 16th October, 2023

A dark, cold and lonely morning at 6.00 am. Day 4 of the 20 journeys to Brighton. This is going to be a 4 day week. The irradiation machine is being serviced on Friday. Only 4C last night. I suspect Northerners will have put the heating on. My friend, Julie, was lighting a log fire and making Winter casseroles. I hate this time of year and yearn for the warmth of Summer, for salads and for outdoor living again already. If I was able to, I would be buying it. Unfortunately at the moment, I can’t.

My treatment today was much longer than before. Bit unnerving. Two new radiologists. Once again young girls. Once again Irish – Cara & Aisling – but with warm hands today. They had watched the rugby over the weekend but Ireland had lost which made them sad. Strange feeling after each session which I can’t explain. I go feeling reluctant but optimistic. When it’s over, my emotions plummet viciously. Don’t know why. At that point exactly, I need support.

As I drove home, I received supportive Whatsapps from Kevin & JohnR and our lovely next door neighbours, John & Jill, wished me well and offered any support that I needed. There are lovely people in the world.

The drive there and home was so much better today. People who are in business tell us that Tuesday is the new Monday in travelling to the Office terms. Workers are tending to stay at home for Friday to Monday and go to the Office for 3 midweek days. Maybe that is why the traffic was lighter today. Anyway, it helped. Left at 8.15 am and arrived back at 11.15 am. by which time the world had warmed up to 12C.

Nine years ago today we visited a long lost relative of Pauline’s family who I’d tracked down over a number of heritage sites. We drove to her home near Hampton Court. Beth turned out to be a lovely person who was a BBC singer. Her husband was a High Court Judge. It was a lovely reunion that I was pleased to have arranged. People are, ultimately, the most important elements of our lives. An interesting article in the Daily Telegraph argues that much above exercise, diet & relationships are far more important to longevity.

Out walking this afternoon was less comfortable than it usually is. First, I wore a fleece!! Just 13C felt distinctly cool. More uncomfortable than that was the stiffness and soreness in my pelvic area. I was warned that the irradiation could result in some skeletal discomfort but I didn’t expect it so soon or so badly.

Tuesday, 17th October, 2023

Didn’t sleep well last night although the BBC World Service helped. Had a phone call from the hospital yesterday evening to tell me that Wednesday’s radiotherapy session was cancelled and Friday’s had already been cancelled. I don’t go at the weekend so I am only having one session in 5 days. This is on the borders of acceptable according to my consultant. There is not much I can do about it but I will contact the consultant today to make sure he is alright with it.

Breakfast drink, enema applied, bottles of water in the car and preparing to leave at 8.15 am. I am deliberately cautious about the timing. The 18 miles to Preston Park in Brighton. Actually, it should take about 35 mins but it is usually an hour in reality at this time in the morning. It only takes some road works, an accident, a slow vehicle and I can add 30 mins to the timing. I don’t mind arriving early. The cancer patients’ carpark is great with plenty of spaces and I sit and drink my litre of water – not an easy thing in half an hour. Red wine, maybe, but … water?

Actually, this morning it has all started to go a bit pear-shaped. First Friday’ s session was cancelled. Last night, Wednesday’s was cancelled and then, when I arrived this morning, there was a delay because one machine had broken down. Not a problem other than I had drunk a litre of water in preparation. By the time I was treated (warm hands again), I was DESPERATE!! As I drove home, a message came in from my consultant on the Patients Know Best app cancelling my end of treatment meeting in December. That was meant to be a live-or-die, end-of-treatment meeting. I am phoning him this afternoon to find out what is happening.

Every year since Pauline’s lovely Mum died in 2010, we have gone back to the North of England to pay our respects and remember her. Not that we ever forget anyway but it focusses the mind. We weren’t able to go in the pandemic year and it felt somehow ‘unfaithful’. This photo came up in the Memory Box from 2018. Every year, we have Lunch with Little Viv – our (former) Reprographics manager and Margaret who was SENCO managed by Pauline from SMT. Lovely people, lovely friends kind and supportive. Look forward to seeing them in the New Year when I hope to return to meet up with all my Northern friends. Have to book a couple of weeks to fit them all in!

Phoned the consultant. The meeting will be rearranged for the same day or close so there is no emergency. Might go back to the North of England then just to share it with my friends if I get the all clear.

Wednesday, 18th October, 2023

Hard to believe that it was 13 years ago that we came back early from Greece to be with Pauline’s Mum in what turned out to be her final few weeks. Every time we drive back up to Oldham, we are shocked how advanced the Autumn is. The Crematorium is a fittingly sad, damp, Autumnal setting with a hint of decaying leaves on this day each year.

Unfortunately, this year we can’t be there. It is my fault and I hope Mump doesn’t think I’m letting her down. She never let me down.

I have spent the morning contacting people by Text and Whatsapp to explain my absence. Texts are OK although attaching photos is an additional expense and I find that some people rudely fail to reply. With Whatsapp, firstly I can send as many photos as I like and at least there is notification. In the exchange above, you can see the two ticks which indicate Received & Read with two, blue ticks. I like that.

As any retired teacher will know, October 18th is important because the previous month’s Consumer Price Index (CPI) is announced by the ONS. The August level was 6.7% and government believed it would fall significantly this month. That was wishful thinking. State employees occupational pensions are index-linked on the September CPI. Against all expectations, rising fuel prices have kept the CPI to 6.7% which means Teachers pensions will be uprated by that. Last year, it was 10.1% so a two year increase of 16.8% is better than most salaries have improved.

The State Pension, although incredibly small and the smallest in the EU, is increased by the greater of 3 measures known as The Triple Lock. The pension increases by the greater of earnings, inflation or 2.5%. Well, this year, Earnings are 8.5%, inflation is 6.7%, both of which are higher than 2.5%. So, State Pension should increase in April by 8.5%. I hope you’re keeping up, Dear Reader.

Just like the Lock Down year, our enforced period of health treatment at the moment has meant we are saving money like mad because we can’t spend it. We are piling cash into investments for the years of infirmity to come. We will splurge it on travelling next year, hopefully, as long as the verdict is good.

Thursday, 19th October, 2023

Early start this morning. Traffic more difficult. People obviously set off very early for work in Brighton. This was my 6th session and I’m feeling institutionalised already. The routine is to go into a changing room and wait to be called. Some come and have to change. I just wear tee shirt and shorts but have to take off my trainers, watch and mobile phone and wait to be called. It is an individual changing room like a cell. By this stage my bladder is bursting so I try to move as little as possible.

A radiotherapist comes to get me and we go to one of the radiotherapy rooms where I have to provide my date of birth and my address to check I am who they think. I have been given a special sheet to lay on and which is used to adjust my position as they line up my 3 tattoos to the treatment beams to minimise the peripheral damage. When they are happy I am in place, they leave the room and I am automatically moved into the chamber. About 15 mins of treatment and it’s over.

The radiographers are all youngish girls. Everyone of the 6 I’ve met so far is Irish. They are happy, chatty, pleasant people. They try to make what could otherwise be a fairly humiliating experience as comfortable as possible. I must admit I play it fairly deadpan and non-committal.

When it is over, I go back to my changing cell, put on my shoes and walk back to the car. It is at that moment – and it has happened everyone of the first 6 times – when my emotions crash . I have absolutely no idea why but I withdraw into myself. It is then when I most need people. A voice, the touch of skin. A kiss. All of these things are massive at that moment.

By the time I’ve driven home, I am over it. I am feeling increasingly tired, sore and aching and I’m having to fight through that each afternoon on my exercise. Generally, the weather allows me to do the bulk of my exercise outside and the rest is finished in the Gym. I’m watching a film of the John le Carré book, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold. It stars Richard Burton & Claire Bloom and was made in 1966. We were 15 yrs old but I have to tell you that it is another world.

The furniture, the food, the transport, the technology was of another life. Nobody got stuck and phoned for help. Nobody asked a question and used their mobile for the answer. The internet, the mobile phone, the microwave, the colour TV of multiple stations, the motor car for all had not been conceived of. And this has been our life, Dear Reader. Out of a life of Black & White, we are reborn into an infinite world of colour. What we must avoid doing now is closing down our opportunities, saying we are old. Life is to be embraced, to be risked, to be tasted, to be opened up before we die.

Lovely, warm and quite sunny afternoon. Dragged myself round on a 6 mile walk. The area is still looking nice. The grassed areas have had a swathe of wild flowers sown this year and, in spite of local scepticism, it has worked and many are still flowering strongly half way through October. I am really feeling skeletal soreness after 6 bouts of treatment but the consultant told me to ignore them and push myself through the exercise because it would help in the end so that is what I am doing.

Friday, 20th October, 2023

Early start to the morning. Really lifted at 5.00 am to hear the byelection results which both reported historic wins for Labour. In each there were record wins for the Left.

It was so exciting that I couldn’t stay in bed and was up especially early to enjoy the reports. The thought of a Tory annihilation which is very much on the cards makes political activity really worthwhile.

O course, so many of my friends are absolutely delighted as I am. I talked to them this morning and they reinforced my views that the election is Labour’s to lose. A few haven’t replied yet but I will phone them over the next few hours. I’ve been out spending money. Oh, it hurts.

My wife needed new reading glasses. She reads so much that she’s worn out the lenses of her glasses. Just £180.00 has bought 2 pairs which will be ready next week. The kitchen bin broke this morning. Amazon will supply a replacement tomorrow – just £120.00. Can you imagine that a waste bin costs that much? Well this one does. Maybe it will last longer.

My treatment session in Brighton is cancelled today. The machine is being serviced. Bit annoying because my course is extended. Still, there is nothing I can do about it. We are going supermarket shopping and then online shopping when we get home.

Today, the chef is thinking about catering for Christmas. She is cooking not one Christmas cake but three. One for us, one for P&C and one for M&K which will be smuggled into Florida. We had to source ingredients and materials. We’ve had to go to Hobbycraft for cake boards and icing cutters. I have been tasked with searching out extra large roasting tins for very big turkeys. Nothing is left to chance for the caterer.

It’s 2.00 pm. and a lovely warm and sunny day. Going out for a walk although I am hurting quite a bit today. Bit worried about the soreness in my frame but got to keep going! Just hope it stands up to the pressure. ….. Well, 30 mins walking and rain appeared from nowhere. Have to do a couple of hours in the Gym now. ………. as soon as I decide that, the sun re-emerges and beams down across the world.

Saturday, 21st October, 2023

A grey day. It’s raining. Took Pauline to the hairdressers this morning so she didn’t get soaked. Drove home to meet a DPD delivery and then back an hour later to collect her. Looks like I’m going to be in the Gym this morning. We are going to have light rain for a few hours. Nothing like Leeds had yesterday.

My friend, Kevin, regularly flies from Leeds Bradford where it was reported a Tui plane skidded off the runway on landing yesterday. My friend, Julie reported that she’d been virtually trapped in her house on the North East coast for two days by the weather.

On this day two years ago, I met up with Julie in the most beautiful weather. Her port home looked wonderful in the sunshine. Even so, I couldn’t live that far North now.

Woke ridiculously early and thought of things I didn’t want to. Blocked them out by Turning on the radio to a discussion about Causality and Determinism, the philosophy first advanced by Aristotle. (We talk of little else on the South Coast.) I remember going home from College for a holiday and announcing at the Lunch table that I was a Marxist Determinist. It didn’t go down well.

My mother was a Roman Catholic who believed fervently in Original Sin. A Determinist believes that Free Will does not exist but that something in the life of an individual presupposes them to act in certain ways. On that basis, the concept of Sin is irrelevant.

In the early 1970s, my left wing politics engendered my view that actions were determined by Life’s experiences – poverty or wealth, Working Class or Higher Class, determined so much about nutrition and future health, subject to basic services like Health, Education, Housing, etc. In other words, I was taking the ‘Nurture’ side of the argument. In later life, I still tend towards that view but have integrated the genetic inheritance element or ‘Nature’ side although I have no idea in which proportion.

I suspect that my early upbringing and genetic inheritance contributed fairly equally to the mess of strengths and weaknesses I am. If only I had had Free Will, I would have done things so much differently. Just been talking to my old friend, John Ridley. A son of a Methodist minister, John has pursued a life of good works and continues to do so. There is a strong, determinist thread there.

Sunday, 8th October, 2023

Struggling a bit at the moment. Phoned my friend, Brian, in Shaw to wish him Happy Birthday. He has a friend who has been having exactly the same problems as me – hormone treatment leading to mood swings, hot flushes, weight gain, poor sleep patterns – and then went on to radiotherapy. He has emerged physically unscathed and cancer-clear so the talk was encouraging. Brian has recently been in hospital and found himself in a bed next to a former teacher from Oulder Hill who he and I both knew. It is a small world.

My radiotherapy month starts on Wednesday. By the second week of November, it should all be over. Then, I have a series of PSA tests followed by a meeting with my consultant at the end of December. The aim is to start the New Year cancer-free so that we can embrace a 12 months of travelling to celebrate.

I had thought I might attend my College reunion this year but I will be in the middle of my treatment month. There is a general one in December but that doesn’t appeal. It is only people I know who I want to see. Certainly, the snow doesn’t sell it to me.

At night I use the BBC World Service and during the day I am trying to escape into a world of Drama to blot out the real world at the moment. Strangely, I’m watching DocuDramas which are current. Just watched Partygate and I am now in the middle of The Long Shadow which is a well made account of the Yorkshire Ripper on ITV_X. The next will be Steve Coogan playing Jimmy Saville in The Reckoning on BBC iplayer.

My wife likes honey with fresh figs and porridge for breakfast. She bought a new jar from Sainsburys the other day and, when I looked at it, I was surprised to find it was produced just 5 miles away from where I was born. I was conceived in the village of Repton and the honey was produced in Littleover Apiary just 5 miles away. Sent a cold shiver of remembrance over my body when I saw it. I am struggling with memories at the moment.

Monday, 9th October, 2023

A warm, calm morning. Went down to the beach to listen to the waves as the tide went out, smell the ozone air and feel the warmth of the sun as it burns off the early morning haze.

Marking time at the moment so I am talking to friends to build some optimism. Kevin sets off for Spain tomorrow and we talked this morning. He wished me luck for Wednesday. John-R is busy with his constant round of good works and intellectual pursuits. He is far more public spirited than me. He tours the country giving talks to parochial organisations charging money which goes to charities and he drives a minibus service taking the elderly and infirm on tours of Fountains Abbey and Studley Royal. In his spare time he busks with his folk group in places all over the North with all proceeds going to charity. I’m afraid he puts me to shame.

Of course, John-R is driven by a religious faith which I don’t have. It was one of the things that we found so difficult to cope with when we lived in Greece. Although it is less so now, the Greek people are in thrall to the Greek Orthodox Church which weaves its dogma through every element of Greek life. Our island has 360 churches each of which will get a ceremony of celebration each year. The celebration involves a religious ceremony followed by food and drink.

The food will include huge loaves of bread baked in local ovens (Φούρνοι). This bread is called ευλογία, because it is blessed and because a blessing accompanies its use. Yes, I know it’s nonsense but it is a nonsense they believe. Yesterday was the feast of St. Thomas at Pothitos (Άγιο Θωμά στου Ποθητού). Each church has a particular patron family who will carry the religious icon for the church. This church is supported by the family who bought our house.

It really became hot over the day as we saw 24C/75F while walking. You have to keep telling yourself that we are approaching mid-October and everyone is jaunting around in shorts and tee shirts. People were swimming in the sea this morning and sunbathing on the beach. We finished the day by cooking and eating Supper in the garden. Kalamari and salad was wonderful in the warmth.

Tuesday, 10th October, 2023

Lovely morning although a little bit cool at 8.00 am. It will warm up quite rapidly looking at the sky. We are expecting to be 22C/72F today which will do. I am a bit sceptical of forecasts and my friend, Julie, told me this morning that it was raining heavily in her North Yorkshire home whereas the BBC forecast for there is warm & sunny this morning.

I start my radiotherapy tomorrow morning. It will be like a ‘work’ month – long and lonely. Preparing the night before. Up early – and clocks go back in a couple of weeks. Driving through rush hour. Facing the tests of the day and then driving home to prepare for doing it all over again the next day. The only difference will be that the preparation is physical rather than intellectual.

A lot of driving will be involved over the next month and I’m preparing things to occupy my mind in that time. Podcasts are my current enjoyment. If you are in to politics and current affairs, you will know some of these.

I wrote last weekend about my love of data. Yesterday, I was contacted by the Office for National Statistics asking me to join a new study of the impact

The data from this study are important in helping us understand:

• potential winter pressures to help support the NHS and other services to prepare for future stressors, and act as an early warning system for COVID-19
• the impact of COVID-19 on the lives of individuals, the community and on health services and how they are changing

Of course I’ve agreed to it. It is the least I can do. They will send me a year’s supply of lateral flow tests and I will answer an on-line questionnaire each month as a result.

You didn’t realise how exciting life could be, Dear Reader, did you?

Wednesday, 11th October, 2023

Well, it’s started. I received a phone call yesterday from a radiographer taking me through today’s procedure. This first session is at 11.00 am but the rest are an hour earlier so I’ve decided to get into the pattern of the day straight away. Up at 6.30 am so I have the maximum amount of time to prepare. Isn’t it dark at 6.30 am and the clocks go back on October 29^th to make it even darker.

I have to have an enema 2 hrs before the treatment. (Sorry if that’s too much information.) Then, 40 mins before the procedure, I have to drink a litre of water so that will be while I am driving in. I drive straight into a private carpark for ‘cancer sufferers’ and must be in Oncology 15 mins before the treatment. Knowing these logistics suits me. I like to know the organisation in advance.

I can go in and stay in my shorts and tee shirt which is helpful. They scan my body to locate the three tattoos I had put in place at the planning meeting to fix the beam target. I am strapped into a framework unable to move so that the beam is precise. This is important so that they don’t damage me more than necessary. The radiotherapy takes about 15 mins and then I walk straight out to my car and drive an hour home. So, if things go to plan, I should be home by 11.30 each morning other than today.

Apparently, it takes a week or so before the side effects begin to show. Unfortunately, when I get home tomorrow, I have to have another hormone injection. This will take me to 8 months of treatment and I long for those side effects to end. I am so emotional at the moment that I can hardly live with myself. I am tired all the time and exercise is really mind over matter. I have a strong mind but rather weak matter. I am still forcing myself to do my walks but the timings of this month mean I will be spending far more time in the Gym in the evening. I need to do more rowing and weights this Winter.

Home by 12.30 pm. Quite surprised by how I reacted to the events. Got there extra early. The traffic was abnormally light. Drank a litre of sparkling water that I’d taken with me. Taken into the Radiology area and told what to do. The radiologists – two young girls – set me down in the ‘stocks’ with my head and feet set and began to line up the tattoos before drawing felt tip lines on my beautiful body. The whole process took about 40 mins for the first session which they warned me would get quicker on subsequent days.

I was amazed how emotional I found the morning. I received lovely messages of support from friends and came home to kind wishes in cards from neighbours. It makes all the difference to have their support. I don’t like putting my wife through this. She shouldn’t have to compromise her life.

Thursday, 12th October, 2023

A dark, damp morning at 6.30 am. Had to put the garden lights on to see the garden at all when I got up. It had rained but now stopped. Very warm. 18C/65F over night. I didn’t sleep well which means I’m tired this morning.

Watched the last episode of the Saville Biopic last night and the scenes ran through my mind all night, What a grubby little man he was living in a grubby little world.

His pride in his ‘shell suits’, flashy, tawdry jewellery, dilapidated, old, stone properties in Leeds and Scarborough and, more than anything else, his duplicitous morality legitimated by the Catholic Church to which he nominally belonged. The creed that all sin could be cleansed by confession and atonement allowed him astonishing sexual crimes which he believed he balanced out by doing charitable works.

Got to be driving out at 8.30 this morning and should be irradiated at 10.00 am. Every time I drive home I will be expecting to feel the side effects appearing and hoping they can be staved off as long as possible. Heard from Cathy last night asking about my first session and telling me she and Lori will be at the Brighton Clinic today as well. What old, disintegrating people we are becoming! Just remember, Dear Reader, as Benjamin Franklin said,

We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.

Day 2 over quite successfully although I did learn today that some men are having far fewer radiotherapy sessions than me which suggests my cancer is far more extensive. That was a bit of a shock. Amazing how lonely and exposed I feel going through the process.

Just as I was going down for the session, Kevin took the trouble to contact me from Spain where he should be just enjoying himself. Once again, I was amazed how much that helped.

Friday, 13th October, 2023

A warm night and a warm, dark, damp morning. We stayed around 20C/68F all night and it feels very humid this morning. Earlier session at the hospital today. Up at 6.00 am, as I did every work day for nearly 40 years. Traffic was better at that time and I was there early. I try to be there 40 mins before so that I can drink a litre of water in the car before I go in. While I’m there, I communicate with friends on my phone.

This morning Kevin sent me a photo of what I was missing in Spain. He followed it up by something I definitely wasn’t missing – an Amy Winehouse tribute act at the bar last night. I can’t imagine anything worse and that was reason enough to not go with him. Having said that, talking was a nice distraction and just reaching out made a difference.

Still gloomy outside as I went in. Two, young Irish radiographers this morning – one called Annie and the other Mollie. She had freezing cold hands but was otherwise lovely. Having been carefully positioned on the moving bed, they go out of the radiation room and I am left to my own devices with strict instructions not to move.

I am automatically drawn back into the dark, scanner tunnel. The silence and the darkness induce even darker, fatalistic thoughts in me. Why am I doing this? Why am I putting my wife through the whole process? Perhaps I should stop it and just let the prostate develop to its natural conclusion. It would be easier all round for everyone.

Drove back via the beach. There is something elemental and enveloping about the sea. The waves wash over, the sound soothes and the rhythm is eternal. Really tempting …

Saturday, 14th October, 2023

Well, we got through Friday 13th in one piece and last night was the coldest for well over 6 months. The temperature fell to 9C/48F. Even so, because of the hormone treatment. I still needed the air-conditioning last night in bed.

Really, I should sleep in the Gym. It doesn’t have central heating from the house. I have an oil-filled, ladder radiator on the wall which has to be controlled separately. The computer-controlled Gym equipment would be seriously damaged if the temperature fell below 5C/41F so I receive remote notifications on my phone & iPad letting me know the current Gym temperature and alerting me if it’s about to become critical.

We had the Gym insulated but that has increased the relative humidity and I receive reports on that as well although I’m not sure how to respond. Last night, the Gym temperature fell to 12.7C/55F which is fine and nice for sleeping when you get the sweats.

Driving up to Surrey this morning to visit M, P&C. It is a beautiful day after a crystal clear night. The biggest problem driving will be sun glare and, maybe, the M25.

The chef has made two Quiches for a family lunch this afternoon. One is bacon & tomato and the other is my favourite – salmon & asparagus. Mmm! Might forget to put that one in the car.

Sunday, 1st October, 2023

I want to say, Happy October. Happy New Month! but I’m finding it difficult. Will it be happy? I’m panicking. It’s going! Tempus Fugit! Don’t let it go. Don’t go!

Last week marked 58 years since my father’s death and this week will see my wife not celebrating reaching 72. I love statistics but I don’t like these.

Sorry, I’m OK now … I think. October will be another experience. I’m going to start my course of radiotherapy next week. It will dominate the month both in time and effect. This morning, I am breaking the habits of a lifetime by having TOAST for breakfast. I’m almost feeling bad just thinking about it.

It is fairly grey outside this morning although incredibly warm. Overnight, we didn’t go below 17C/63F and we expect to see 70F this morning. Our problem is not enough rain. Little bits over night but we really need to be in the North West. Lots of it up there this weekend and for the week to come. Could put a dampener on the Tory Party Conference in Manchester this week. Let’s hope so.

Went absolutely mad yesterday and completely valeted the car. Took about three hours and it’s looking great. I don’t think the Porsche I craved on Friday is going to get through the Scrutiny Committee so this car will have to do for a few more weeks.

Done my exercise to work off the toast. It is 22C/71F and delicious outside. Talking to friends to keep my spirits up. Watching the Ryder Cup even though I don’t play golf. Planning out how to solve some problems. Looks like it’s going to involve breaking some eggs that I pledged not to.

It is 7.30 pm. My wife is watching Strictly Come Dancing. I am banned from the room because I can’t stop scoffing at it. I hear a judge talking about GENIUS and look at the celebrity and …. never mind. I am cowering in my Office out of the way, browsing newspapers and watching another TV. Suddenly, the two situations are melded in a news item.

Apparently, Len Goodman was a judge on Strictly and he died 6 months ago. The cause was announced today. He had Prostate Cancer which had become Metastatic and spread to the bones and lymph nodes. Currently, my cancer is still contained within the prostate. If that remains the case, I have a 95% chance of complete eradication. If it has metastasised and gone into the bones or lymph glands, I have less than 30% chance of living 5 years. These are stark alternatives that are chosen by a throw of fate’s dice.

I’m going to need all the support I can get over the next few weeks. The whole process will be exhausting. Physically, I am told that radiotherapy will kill my energy levels, my appetite and anything else I enjoy. The journey will be wearing and the stress will take its toll. I am ready for it and I’m still optimistic but the odds are always in my mind.

Monday, 2nd October, 2023

Up early and out for a Flu jab at the Kamsons Pharmacy attached to our Surgery. Lovely people. Had to give my date of birth and they all said how young I looked for my age. They actually said my wife didn’t even look 50 although I suspect they weren’t looking too hard.

I noticed they were offering nasal flu vaccines but when I requested one they said it was only for children. You really can’t win. They tell me how young I look and then refuse me child benefits. Anyway, the needle didn’t hurt … much. I am now protected against Seasonal Flu and Swine flu. Apparently, the resurgence of H1N1, also known as swine flu is being observed across the southern hemisphere and is expected to arrive here. I can think of one or two people who really need to be vaccinated against swine diseases but I don’t think I’m one of them.

We had our Covid Boosters about 10 days ago and Covid cases have been rising quite steeply in the past few months. I am determined that nothing will delay my Radiotherapy month and I will eradicate this thing that has blighted my life for so long this year.

It’s been a beautiful day. Spent the morning mowing everybody’s lawns and trimming the hedge. Warm work. Good couple of hours’ walk this afternoon. Temperature 22C/71F in the local area and everywhere looked lovely. I’ve been sauntering around looking younger than my age all day and I’m sure you are too, Dear Reader. No Pressure!!

Tuesday, 3rd October, 2023

Blue sky and warm morning as I drive off to the Cancer Centre in Brighton. Just before leaving, the BBC announced that radiographers had joined consultants and Junior Doctors in striking today. At 8.30 am, the roads were desperate. Lane closures creating pinch points, rush hour creating traffic build-up, planned road works creating massive tailbacks. It all adds up to frustration. I’m already feeling frustrated and this just adds to it. Even so, an extra 20 mins driving was alright and will not stop me making my appointment.

Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always presentT.S. Eliot – Four Quartets: Burnt Norton

Time has always been so important to me both Past, Present and Future. I’ve often thought that I find Present the hardest time to live in. You know the saying that Life isn’t a Rehearsal. I think I have tended to treat it exactly like that. Never satisfied with my performance in the Present, I think I will improve on it in the Future and that tracing failure in my Past will help inform that.

I was looking through some records from the past when I came upon these watches that have been significant to me. The Ingersoll above was the watch I wore as a boy at Grammar school in the 1950s – 1960s. The black, plastic, digital Casio was what I wore in my student days. That has seen some sights. It really appealed to me for its modernity and rejection of the past. Digital, plastic and square were the qualities that represented rejection of old fashioned design of the past and embracing Harold Wilson’s white, heat of the Technological age.

Of course, when I got married at the grand old age of 28, I was beginning to see myself as part of the new establishment, teacher and property owner. My wife bought me a watch more befitting of my status. Plastic and digital were out. Enduring, stainless steel and multifunction were in. And I wore that watch for 30 years. I still have it but, eventually, it was superseded by something a bit more delicate and digital again.

Until a real step up came out and so many life events were incorporated. The watch I wear now is one of a line of sports/phone watches I have worn over the past 5 years. It integrates with my phone and tells me of emails and texts coming in, of phone calls as they connect and of my exercise achievements for the day, heart rate, sleep patterns, weather in my area, calendar events and so much more. I love it but I am already looking for the next upgrade both of phone and watch. Time is becoming something of a sideshow other than it is running out and the danger is we game play in the Present and not take it seriously. The Future will be here only too soon.

Wednesday, 4th October, 2023

Warm and sunny morning … again. My main focus this morning – other than watching the Tories betray the North – is to source ingredients of a birthday meal for my wife who is officially ancient tomorrow. She will be 72! You know me, Dear Reader. On such occasions, I like to look back.

In this week 13 years ago, Pauline was just 59! Just writing it points up the huge transition of time. Seems obvious but 59 – 72 massive! In fact, this week 13 years ago was even more momentous than we expected. We had just driven back from Greece, off the Zeebrugge – Hull ferry and on to see Pauline’s Mum in Oldham. She wasn’t well. She was 96 years old and had been increasingly feeling her age.

We had retired the year before and were going to our Greek house for 6 months. We had sold our Yorkshire house while we were away in Greece, returned home to clear it and put our things in storage and gone to Greece until what we thought would be the middle of October.

Pauline and her Mum talked evey day, sometimes twice a day over Skype. At the end of September, it was becoming clear that she wasn’t well. Her swollen leg had burst one night and her subsequent treatment had been poor and exacerbated her condition. We decided that we had to return early to be with her. It was exactly the right decision as it turned out.

We were homeless and moved in to Mum-in-Law’s Retirement home in the Guest Room. She went into hospital and over the next two weeks was about to come home 3 or 4 times but relapsed with new problems popping up. Unfortunately, she never did come out and died in mid October 13 years ago. We went on to sell the Greek house, buy a property in Surrey, sell that after 5 years and move to Sussex. How much can change in 13 years.

I was feeling a little sad already and remembering this has accentuated it. It was a difficult time. We felt so responsible. Did we do the right things? Make the right decisions? Doubt lingers in our minds. Balancing our own lives with those of ones we love is always difficult.

Thursday, 5th October, 2023

Lovely day. I am on birthday duties. It is Pauline’s 72nd birthday. Unbelievable that we are 144. In fact, it is Gross. Going down to walk on the beach. We’ll need it with the meal I am serving:

• * Boeuf Bourguignon with
  * Jacket Potato dripping in Butter
  ************************************
  * Coffee & Walnut Cake with
  * Coffee Ice cream & thick Jersey Cream

I cooked the Bourguignon using Fillet Steak and a bottle of red wine yesterday so that the flavour matures. I didn’t make the cake but I will be assembling the constituent parts with real skill.

Texts, DMs, phone calls and even some cards from around the world this morning. Pauline’s closest school friend, Sue, who emigrated to Gozo, the Maltese island, was in contact this morning. They left UK about 5 years ago but are already thinking of moving on if not back to Lancashire. These contacts throw up so many memories don’t they. It can be painful as it points up the passage of time – something that we often ignore or block out if we can. It makes us look at ourselves again afresh and think about how much has changed in that time. I always think it is important to view one’s self in the context of time. Others are scared of it.

The next few days are going to be wonderful. This morning is starting off a little cloudy but we are told it will burn off and the sun will come out. The next 5 days are forecast to be all sunshine and temperatures reaching upper 20s C.

Friday, 6th October, 2023

Well, the birthday celebrations went off well yesterday. I ended up with a fully satisfied customer.

The morning started off happily with lots of contacts and cards. Amazing how many people we know when things like this happen and how far flung they are around the world.

We went out to the beach to walk in the warm sun and lovely sea air. Rustington Beach was quiet and beautiful – just the place for birthday posing. The smell of the sea was gorgeous and the colours of the scene really inviting.

Followed our healthy walk by champagne snack for Lunch and a bit of sunshine in the garden. Dinner went well, I am told and we drank too much wine before pledging to give up completely now until after my treatment.

We finished the evening – as you do on special occasions – watching a political docu-drama downloaded from Channel 4. Partygate was chilling in its blend of fact and fiction, a horrible reminder of that time of Johnson’s duplicitous government. Johnson has gone. Truss has gone and, soon, they will all be gone as the byelection in Scotland over night illustrates.

Even warmer and sunnier this morning. Unfortunately the first job is Dentist. Just one occasion when I’d rather visit the hairdresser but you can’t have everything. Sometimes, you can’t have anything. Of course, my teeth are so old that little changes now. I can’t remember the last time I needed work. Today was the same.

It has stayed delightfully Summer all day. Talked to girl in Lancashire this morning who said it was chucking it down and the roads were flooded. That’s actually how she said it.

Saturday, 7th October, 2023

Another lovely day. By 9.00 am the sky was blue, the sun was out and the temperature had reached 22C/71F which is not too shabby for 7th October.

If you are a regular reader, you will know I get news, information, posts from lots of places to which I have/had a connection. They are called Push Alerts which means that, instead of me going to find them, they are sent to me automatically all day and all night. You would love it, Dear Reader! Over night, I got information about car hire in Florida. This morning I got dire warnings of heavy rain and flooding about to hit the North of England particularly in North Yorkshire. Down here, the Summer goes on.

If you read me at all, you will know that I love Data. I have that sort of mind where acquiring data, tabulating and saving data in neat order and then referring back to that data is important and enjoyable. I save every phone number, address, every email, every text, every letter, every financial record, every warranty, every life event …. for ever. Members of my family are amazed that I know every birthday. I run an on-line calendar which records all those sorts of things. I am mortified if I forget or get a birthday wrong. That is what the National Records Office is there for – to substantiate or correct.

I keep spreadsheet records of my health readings – INR and so on, of our power usage in different homes over the years and like to compare them. My wife is driven mad because I won’t let her throw out all my/her payslips going back to the 1970s. I have all my notes from my B.A Degree and my Masters Degree. And, of course, we have our Financial records going back to 1978 just as I have my Blog going back to 2008. An old man and fellow Historian who had been Head of History in our school in Oldham dropped in for Lunch the other day and Pauline was surprised to find that he had kept all his records as well right up to his current age of 83. I almost felt vindicated.

Of course, payslips are easy. I have box files full of them. Nowadays things like Texts or Emails, digital photos or documents are backed up in the Cloud because you never know when you might need them.

Sunday, 24th September, 2023

What a strange night. A warm contrast to the night before. 17C/63F all night. Fitful sleep punctuated by weird dreams. In one, I dreamt I was dreaming. I was absolutely convinced that I woke from a dream, woke my wife and asked her if I could afford to stop working – stop teaching – and retire. Then I woke up and woke my wife to ask her if that conversation had taken place. As I did so, the bubbling realisation of what nonsense I was talking flowed across me. Fortunately, my wife just laughed rather than sending for little men in white coats.

Hard to predict how the day will go after that unsettling start. Watching the morning political discussion and I realise that there are far more weird things across the country. I am almost sane. I love driving. I would always choose car over train but the HS2 project, which I was never in favour of, is becoming a national humiliation.

I/we argued at the time that Northern rail infrastructure badly needs investment and updating. Trans-Pennine travel is terrible. The trains are antiquated. The motorways are horrible almost all the time but definitely at peak times. I’ve never thought that shaving a bit of time off North-South travel was more worthwhile than treating the North of England properly. Of course, hi-speed broadband, video conferencing improvements and home working have all made the HS2 project something of a white elephant. Few people would even consider the boast on the billboard above.

What worries me is that Britain is becoming an insular laughing stock unable to afford and build major infrastructure projects.

Warm and breezy down at the beach today. Perfect weather for the windsurfers. Coffee shops overlooking the sea were crowded with onlookers as the surfers demonstrated their skills.

Monday, 25th September, 2023

Warm & sunny. Lovely blue sky. Went for an early walk around the development and out into the local park. The gardeners had already been by 10.00 am and the area looked cared for.

The walk takes us past our very own Stone Henge and the drift of wild flowers which have created an pleasant edge to the green.

The walk around our streets is a memory of the Past. Some of my readers are not keen to be reminded of past times but I know the past informs the future. All our pasts come back to visit us when we least expect it. Better to meet it head on than to be surprised by an ambush.

There is something satisfying about the village’s naming of our streets after villagers fallen in WW1. Harrison Crescent, Nanson Lane, Maynard Mead, Alexander Avenue, Lagden Gardens all commemorate those from the village who fell a century ago.

Tuesday, 26th September, 2023

Had to go out on a lovely, sunny morning to the Radiotherapy Centre in Preston Park, Brighton. It was quite an enjoyable drive which took 45 mins each way. I have two weeks until my intensive course of treatment begins.

From field to fork or, in this case, garden to kitchen, the Basil plants will soon be looking worse for wear so they are being used this morning. I am cooking a huge pot of Tomato Sauce with basil, garlic and Onions. It will be sectioned into boxes and frozen for use over the winter.

Had contact with my little sister, Cathy this morning. Well, I say little, she is 68 but she will always be little to me and I will always feel responsible for her welfare. She is mad about dogs – particularly ugly breeds of dogs. Sometimes, I think I will always fail to understand people.

I do understand this though. Little Cathy sent me a photo of her leg. She is super fit but has developed a condition called Purpura which is an abnormal build up of blood vessels in the skin and is not curable. It is seen in older people and called senile purpura. I’m not having that said about my little sister! I’m making an appointment with her doctor to put her straight!!

Wednesday, 27th September, 2023

Lovely morning after a warm night – didn’t fall below 17C/63F. Didn’t sleep well. Dreamt of my old friend, Nigel, who I lived with for 3 years at college. He was an Art teacher, Budhist and ran an Art Gallery. He was the first person I met when I arrived at College 54 years ago. I’ve seen him once since 1974. He was 75 yesterday.

I am in the doghouse because one of my wife’s favourite large, serving bowls – white porcelain bought in France – has been chipped probably by me unstacking the dishwasher. It is one of the reasons that I’m not allowed to stack the dishwasher. I tend to cram everything in without any real care. I have spent the last hour trying to find a replacement which is not as easy in UK.

You will be relieved to know, Dear Reader, that I have found something which is thought to be acceptable …. on Amazon and not one but two replacements will be arriving tomorrow.

Next the Fish Delivery arrived. Sides of salmon, bags of Squid Tubes, Frozen Prawns, Slab of fresh Tuna and, for the first time, some portions of Mahi Mahi. I wonder if you’ve ever eaten it. I only tried it in America and it is from the Pacific Ocean. It tastes rather like swordfish which is becoming difficult to buy here at the moment. Mahi Mahi is something of an oxymoron as a ugly-beautiful fish which is rather disturbingly also known as the dolphin fish.

Went out to tile shops for the second time to source the right floor tiles for the downstairs bathroom. We’ve found a good shop, Eurotiles & Bathrooms, who said immediately we could take any tiles home to match up with the tiled walls. They didn’t need any of our details. That is the sort of trader I like and guaranteed my custom. We found exactly the right tiles and now have to engage a tiler to measure up. What really took my interest was the ‘Smart’ (automatic) toilet which is a combine of toilet and Bidet, the functions of which are controlled by remote control. Now that’s what I call a toilet! Just £3,000 including fitting. I’ve got to have one.

Thursday, 28th September, 2023

A grey, warm day. Finding it quite hard to rouse myself to anything. Need to clean the car – can’t be bothered. Need to get some tilers to come and quote for a job in the house. Finding it tiresomely difficult. Have to do my exercise. Too tired! It’s going to be one of those days. I’m looking for a spring to put in my step. Briefly had some banter with JohnR who is preparing to give a talk, Kevin who is having his arm pumped with injections today and Julie who has suffered terrible gales around the house last night and didn’t sleep.

Do you know what cod cheeks are, Dear Reader? No, I didn’t until recently. If you can believe it, they are the actual cheeks of cod fish. Had to go down to the fish merchants by the beach to collect some which have come down from Billingsgate over night.

Cod cheeks are small and very sweet pieces of cod set aside when the main fish is filleted. We ordered a 3Kg box and went to pick it up this morning.

While we are out, the house is cleaned upstairs and down by the robots. They take about an hour each to negotiate the different rooms. All we have to do is leave all the doors open, set the robots off as we go out using our smart phones and leave the alarm off because the robots would trigger the infra red sensors.

While we were down at the beach on this warm morning, I thought I might be able to raise my spirits and reinvigorate myself by walking by the sea. Actually, there was a huge gaggle of school children beachcombing as the tide turned. Came away quite quickly.

Time to go on a real trip!

Friday, 29th September, 2023

Warm and sunny morning. Still feeling rather lethargic and empty. Spirits raised in Sainsburys carpark when I saw a new, Porche Macan in metallic, deep, dark aubergine. I have got to get one. As soon as I got home, I looked up the price and it is incredibly reasonable when compared to a new one of my car. Worth considering … if I can get it through the Management. First question will be, Why do you want to drive at 145 mph? I’m preparing an answer.

I have never really had pets. It wasn’t encouraged at home. It was a busy, full household with little time or space for animals. I was allowed a rabbit at about the age of 7. A hutch was built for it outside in the garden. I fed and watered it and was told to clean it out which I was less assiduous at. After a short time, a lot of little pink, wriggling babies arrived. I was too innocent to ask where from … something of a lifelong weakness. I only had one rabbit so, in retrospect, it must have been immaculate conception which would have appealed to my Catholic Mother.

Very soon after the birth, the babies disappeared and, a few days later, I went outside after breakfast to find my rabbit dead. I had killed my rabbit! I locked myself in the downstairs toilet and cried loudly for hours. The explanation I was given was that the dandelion leaves I had picked from the edges of the garden had been treated with weedkiller and then ingested by the rabbit. There were no more pets in the house until I left home.

When I moved in with Pauline in 1978, she had two, small cats – sisters called Flossie & Jemima. I wasn’t keen on them at all. Cat hairs everywhere. Flossie was long haired and constantly shed hair. I used to terrorise them with the vacuum cleaner. Flossie was a hunter and came back with mice, birds and, once, a young rabbit. She soon took one too many risks and was found dead on the road outside. Her sister lasted longer, was more careful and I (almost) came to like her but she, eventually, suffered the same fate. In both cases there were tears – not mine – followed by formal burials marked by a stick in the back garden.

Jemima died in 1979 but lives on in our Dressing Room. She has been carried around with us from house to house in framed photograph form, I hasten to add. She looks down on Pauline as she does the ironing just as she did in real life. She looks down on me as I get dressed and …. sneers.

Saturday, 30th September, 2023

The last morning of September is an absolutely beautiful one with blue sky and strong sunshine. Bit tired because I didn’t sleep well. I’m really suffering with fluctuating body temperatures at the moment. My weight is increasing again and my emotions are all over the place. Last night in bed, the air conditioning was switched on and off so many times as I cycled from cold to sweating and back. Feeling a bit listless without ideas.

One thing on my mind at the moment is that radiotherapy starts in just over a week. While I wasn’t sleeping at around 4.00 am this morning, BBC World Service ran an article about a very successful NHS trial of radiotherapy for men with prostate cancer. My fairly conventional treatment has involved hormone therapy – about 8 months of it – which has been really unpleasant but looks as if it has been very successful, followed by a month (20 sessions) of targeted radiotherapy.

This carries real risks for the patient of life-changing after-effects but does provide a fantastic rate of survival into the future. Having to attend hospital every weekday for a 4 weeks is demanding on patient and hospital. The new trial has established that the 20 sessions of moderate radiation can be replaced by 5 sessions of more intensive radiation with just the same success rate and no increased risk of after effects. Obviously, this cuts demands on the patient and frees up so much resource for the NHS. They could treat 4 times the number of patients. Looks like I have just suffered too soon.

Lots of signs of Autumn around now although the weather is not one of them. Trees around the Development are showing lots of die-back and grass is growing more slowly. We are still getting temperatures in the low 20Cs so hovering around 70F and with rain at night, flowers continue to bloom.

Paid a plumber loads of money to replace a faulty toilet flush, spring-loaded plunger button. It failed within a week. I ordered two more on Amazon and my wife fitted it in minutes with total success. That’s what a man needs – a wife not a plumber.

Sunday, 17th September, 2023

Today may mark the end of Summer for us. Incredibly hot – 27C – yesterday. Spent the entire day outside enjoying the sun. The very warm evening was a bit harder as the darkness fell. Didn’t sleep well last night. The outside temperature didn’t fall below 17C/63F over night which is not bad for mid-September but this morning is overcast and we are expecting rain this afternoon.

People leaving Gatwick seem to have got the memo – heading out over the Channel for foreign adventures and sunnier days to come. I’m going to be stuck for weeks now so I’m trying to remain optimistic by booking trips away next year.

The first three will be to Yorkshire, to Thessaloniki and to Athens. Looking at April for the North of England, mid-June for Saloniki, and late August for Athens. Somewhere in between those, we will do a couple of European drives and then discuss with the Caretaker when the best time is to visit our Florida home.

The trouser ordering has got completely out of hand. Another 6 pairs this morning which brings the grand total up to 14 pairs and £600.00 over just 3 days. I think life is spiralling out of control!

The weather forecast said it would rain at 12.00 mid day. It started ridiculously early at 11.45 am. Thunder and lightning, strong, warm rain. Garden furniture covered and we withdraw to the Kitchen …

We’ve talked about adding a Garden Room right across the back of our house for quite a while. It would basically be a glass-covered veranda without heating which could be opened up when the sun was out and closed when it was raining. The breaking weather has turned minds back to this.

Two hours on and hot sunshine has appeared in a lovely, blue sky. We’ll think about the Garden Room tomorrow when it rains.

Monday, 18th September, 2023

Very strange night. The sky was literally lit up for hours by an electrical storm that constantly flashed across the hot and humid, ink-blue sky for hours without thunder or rain … and then it came, briefly and heavily, refreshing the world.

It wasn’t difficult to capture a flash because they were so frequent. This photo was taken through the glass of the bedroom window across the street at 2.00 am. It’s funny but I remember a huge, electrical storm on a childhood holiday to Colwyn Bay. I dreamt about it last night. I could see myself as a young man as clearly as if it was now. I fell in love. I remember it well. I can’t say I enjoyed it.

Today I am driving to Surrey. I’m going to Byfleet to pick up very, very, elderly relatives to take them to hospital in Ashford. The drive is not easy or enjoyable but has to be done. It does mean that I will drive past the gorgeous Royal Holloway, University of London and close to Runnymede where the Magna Carta was signed.

My friend, Kevin, has been suffering from the genetic condition of Dupuytren’s Contracture which is an abnormal thickening of tissues in the palm of the hand. The thickened tissues can develop into a hard lump. Over time it can cause fingers to curl or pull in toward the palm. He had the operation two weeks ago and went this morning to have the bandages removed to reveal a cut he hadn’t seen yet. Going to take a while to heal. Cycling is on hold.

Difficult drive this afternoon. First, I broke my toe this morning on a metal-framed Dining Chair. It swelled up and went blue. It is agony to walk on. Next, we drove up to Surrey and were making perfect time when we hit a queue which led to Police Blue lights and an accident. It would have delayed us for hours. We turned round and looked for alternative routes suggested by our sat.nav. which got us there but took forever.

Back home, my foot has ballooned and my spirits deflated. It will be a day or two before I can complete my exercise targets. It is depressing.

Tuesday, 19th September, 2023

I’m going to be restricted to cycling and rowing in the Gym today. My foot is not quite as painful and swollen as I expected but it is painful to walk so I’ll rest it today.

Talked to Kevin this morning. He’s still revelling in the fact he’s been told not to wash at the moment and keep his stitches dry. Means he can’t cycle though. Talked to John_R as his boat – Mariota – is covered for the winter weather on Ullswater in the Lake District. John, who did his Doctorate on Children’s Literature, named his boat after Arthur Ransome’s Swallows & Amazons fictional boat in the Lake District of the 1920s.

That was one end of the conversations this morning. The other end was Julie doing a Zoom conference call with a Naturist photographer in South of France but enough of that.

Recently, I’ve had contact from a friend who drives in Wales – Can you imagine it? – and who doesn’t sound totally enamoured with the new 20 mph zones.

I must admit that I spent all my working life driving like a demon at the maximum speed I could get away with. Driving across Europe, I just cruised non-stop at 120 mph for hours on the motorways to eat the miles up. Even in UK, I always felt there was no time to be lost and I broke every speed limit I could get away with.

I got points twice for speeding and, on one occasion, appeared at the Crown Court in Manchester after a murder case because I was away for 6 weeks in Greece when I had been picked on a camera in Shaw breaking the speed limit on the last day of term. The letter arrived and I missed the date to respond while away. The judge just laughed and dismissed the case when I got in the dock.

Since retiring, I don’t feel the need to speed at all. My time is completely limitless. I just set my Speed Limiter/Intelligent Cruise Control facility in the car for the speed limit it reads for me and accept what happens. Just in case I get carried away one day, I use a radar detector app on my phone which announces well in advance that I am approaching a camera or police trap and advises me of my required speed. It is free to download and use. It works in the background and it has never let me down.

Even so, 20 mph does feel excessively slow and many drivers behind do get worked up but we have had these limits in our area almost since we arrived so I’ve got used to it. Pauline just cannot get herself to drift over the white lines never mind break the speed limit.

Wednesday, 20th September, 2023

A warm, humid grey morning. The order for trousers increased to 17 pairs. We had to drive into Worthing to collect/try on the final pairs. That did it. Now, 17 have been reduced to 6 pairs. £2000.00 has been reduced to £500.00 and all is well. I can cope with that.

Nice to walk on the beach opposite M&S even though the light was grey. It was very warm and dry. Many areas of the country are bathed in water. Here, the tide was out exposing a large area of beach. I nearly drowned but, don’t worry, Dear Reader. You won’t get rid of me that easily!

My foot was much better than I had thought and I did a couple of hour’s walk before cooking Dinner. I love cooking. No tepid beans for me! Today, I was producing Chicken Thighs roasted with White Wine, Garlic and Dill accompanied by Briam (Green Peppers, Shallots, baby Plum Tomatoes, baby Courgettes from the garden and Chicken Stock.) It was delicicious and left us floundering!

You would have loved this, Dear Reader. Unfortunately, it’s gone. My wife eats so much, I can’t save enough for you.

Thursday, 21st September, 2023

Lovely warm and sunny morning. Walking with a purpose because a mobile unit is offering walk-in access for Covid Boosters.

Quite a queue formed – all grey haired, old people apart from us – to get their Booster. I was pleased to find they were giving Pfizer shots which meant that all my 5 jabs have been consistent. Getting the Flu jab next week so I will be up to date in time for this month of radiotherapy which begins in 3 weeks.

Booked two trips away this morning. Flying Gatwick – Thessaloniki in mid June. Hotel (7 nights) + return Flight = £2,100 + £390 = £2,490. / Flying Gatwick – Athens in late August. Hotel (7 nights) + return Flight = £3,400 + £680 = £4,080. I will hold these in my mind when I submit to a month of radiotherapy.

Next is to sort out a week in the North of England and all the people to meet in April after Easter Holidays are over. Then some time driving in France in May. Calendar is starting to take shape with jewels dangling from the timeline.

Friday, 22nd September, 2023

Gorgeous morning of warm sunshine and blue sky. Shopping morning – Tesco, Asda, Lidl, Aldi plus Tapi Carpets. Looking for new flooring in our downstairs bathroom and cloakroom. Went to look for vinyl tiles to replace wood but realised we needed to think again after finding a poor choice. Going to visit a tile shop.

As the weather was so warm and beautiful, we drove down to the beach to get some sea air and drink in the light.

We walked on the beach with just a handful of others this morning. Strong sun silhouetted the off-shore wind farm glinting far out on the horizon, the water lapping gently under a windless sky as, far out on the rim of the world, a belt of fleecy clouds hovered … over Bognor Regis.

Forgot to say that I booked a hotel in the North of England in the second half of April. Just 4 nights = £520.00 although it can be extended if needed. I don’t know if it is part of my psyche or not but I like the idea that, in Greece, I use the Electra Hotel Group which leads to me being awarded Gold Member status with considerable benefits attached. Elsewhere in UK and Europe, I try to use IHG Group hotels where I have accrued around 100,000 points towards future bookings. Both mean that I know what standard of accommodation to expect anywhere in the world.

Similarly, we have bought Hondas for 40 years which has led to a much better quality and level of service than one would otherwise expect. Goodness, don’t I sound old! I suppose I am. We all are.

Saturday, 23rd September, 2023

It is the Autumn Equinox when Day & Night are of equal length. It is also another beautiful day of clear blue sky and strong sunshine. I woke up at 2.30 am and thought I had died. I couldn’t feel any moving part of my body. Had to turn the air.con. off. Checked my phone to find the outside temperature had dropped to 9C/48F. It is the first time it has dipped into single figures since last winter.

Still, clear skies at this time of year do lead to a dip in temperatures. The upside is a beautiful day to come. Going to cut the lawns this morning. It doesn’t get much more exciting than that.

Well, it does but all things are on hold until after the treatment. Ambitions and future joys are held in obeyance out on the horizon to be worked for.

You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometime you’ll find
You get what you need

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ef9QnZVpVd8?feature=oembedOh, yes you can!

I know I will get there. It’s just a matter of time and, maybe, a bit of luck. I am like the character in Philip Larkin’s poem, Next Please. Impatiently waiting for the Future to come. It will come only too quickly.

Sunday, 10th September, 2023

Decided I just couldn’t cope without my Blog. After almost 15 years, it is so much part of my psyche that I was uncomfortable not posting it. Someone suggested I commit it to paper and then ‘burn it’! I thought about it, considered doing it but realised it was never going to happen. Do you know, there is nothing in my life that embarrasses or demeans me so much I dare not admit to it. There are things I’ve done that I’m ashamed of, embarrassed by, could be ridiculed or rebuked for but I just have to confront them in the court of public opinion.

I have to mark the anniversary of the death of my brother-in-law, John (Jack) Barnes. He died an awful although quick death from Brain Tumour in Pinderfields Hospital, Leeds in 2006. I remember it so distinctly that it could be last week. And yet, we haven’t spoken for 17 years.

Jack worked in advertising in a wide span of his life but was quite well know as a singer in the pubs & clubs of Manchester in his early days. Of course, he was much older than us. Jack was born in 1934 and died at the tender age of 72. My age now!

Friends have sent videos of spectacular thunder & lightning across the North of England last night. No such luck here. We stayed out in the garden until late because of the extreme heat. Back in the house, every window was open to draw the air through. Bedtime meant aircon on all night. I just sleep on the top of the bed, luxuriating in the cold air. I woke in the middle of the night, felt so cold I couldn’t feel my legs. I turned the aircon off but was sweating profusely within 10 mins. Aircon back on until I got up.

This morning is insufferably hot and humid but a little overcast. Went out for an early walk to keep the fitness going. It was hard work but we can’t afford to seize up. In fact, I am not prepared to give up on Life at any time until I drop. I hope my friends and relations feel the same way. There is no benefit in attending funerals when we could be going to parties together.

There are some things that come up over and over again. At the top of the list for fitness and well-being is …. Walking. This is followed by, if you can believe it, connecting with loved ones on social media and then – and you really won’t believe this – writing a daily Blog. All of this is followed by eating ‘indulgent meals with wine’ followed by taking multiple naps. You can see why I’m optimistic about living forever.

The one thing I’m not doing enough of at the moment and I’ve got to get back into it is strength training and balance exercises. My balance is poor – particularly after a couple of bottles of wine and I definitely need to get back into rowing for muscular maintenance and skeletal strength. I’ll keep you posted.

Monday, 11th September, 2023

Another warm night which didn’t fall below 18C/65F or, in our bedroom 0C/32F. These are lovely days to be treasured. The Winter will come soon enough.

I wonder who is on these flights from Gatwick to the Continent – buying extended Summer. Hot & humid weather might be uncomfortable but, for me at least, it is preferable to cold and wet.

It is hot and I am wet this morning. Autumn tidying up of the garden. Booked a slot at the local Waste Disposal for this afternoon. Amazing how much collects over the season. Lots of it appears to be housing spiders as big as saucers. I let my wife deal with those. The car is packed and we will have a lovely afternoon trip out …. at the tip. Could it get much better?

One reader wrote to me this morning to say I had to keep the Blog going or he would never get to sleep. A bit cheeky but I can take it! I’m going to the Bupa Radiotherapy Centre on Wednesday and I am currently working out the best route. I think I’m going to drive down the coast

Tuesday, 12th September, 2023

What a lovely morning – warm and welcoming. Had nice messages from friends. I’ve never thought of myself as a people person although my wife insists I am. I do love people in my life. Heard from little Cathy, my sister who wants to come and see me. Don’t know why she doesn’t just turn up. She only lives 15 mins away. Heard from John-2, John Morris, Dave Roberts, Kevin and Julie all from the north of England. Next door neighbour, Jason, stopped in the middle of the road to ask after my welfare. Lovely lad with a lovelier wife who is as thin as a stick insect.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Gun6Jsmf7WQ?feature=oembedSteve’s Song

My next door neighbour on the other side has just come to ask if we’ll look after their cats while they are in Canada for a month. We have a key for a number of houses who also have a key for ours. Of course we’ll help them if we can.

If I could hold you
If only for a second I could hold you
And let the fear rage on
Cling to each other in the eye of a stormSteve’s Song

I am cooking Dinner tonight. It will be Tomato, Dill & Garlic with mushrooms, Giant Prawns and Cod Cheeks. Of course, it will be brilliant. You would love it, Dear Reader, and you are very welcome. While I am preparing the meal, I am listening to the soundtrack from Keeping Faith which is so un-me but I find so moving after a number of years. I really don’t listen to popular music but I can indulge myself with this ….

Wednesday, 13th September, 2023

Up early on a warm but overcast morning. Driving to Brighton to the Bupa Radiology Centre where I will be receiving my treatment in 4 weeks for 4 weeks. Just 19 miles but 1 hr driving each way. It is going to dominate my life for a while.

Well, left home at 8.15 am and didn’t actually arrive until 9.45 am. Traffic and route were awful. Can’t face that every day! It is all very high tec. which would impress me in other circumstances but looked a bit overwhelming this morning.

I’ve been told this morning that the treatment will leave me feeling exhausted, sick and lacking in appetite. Can’t wait. Actually, the drive will be the most trying. Feels a bit like going to work all over again. Up at 6.00 am. Liquid Breakfast and out driving. Reminds me of work days.

One of the good signs that my prostate is seriously shrinking already is I don’t need to wee so often. Just realised this morning that I had drunk the juice of 2 freshly squeezed oranges, a large cup of Yorkshire tea followed by a huge, Cappuccino before driving there and back over a 3 hr period and hadn’t needed the loo. Suggests that the hormone treatment has really worked. If the tumours haven’t escaped out of the prostate (metastatic) then they will have had to shrink as well so there will be less to irradiate.

Hopefully, targeted external beam radiotherapy will do the job and I will be roaming the world again soon. I really want to see people, talk to them and share my life without moaning about illnesses. I have to keep Covid-free and it is really on the rise at the moment. I am pushing to get the Booster immediately to keep me healthy. Learnt today that the Booster will be the Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna vaccines. The much-lauded British vaccine has been quietly dropped because of its side effects.

Thursday, 14th September, 2023

Gorgeous morning. Very warm 26C/79F at mid day. Had to be at the clinic for 10.00 am for another javelin-full of hormones but this time just for a month. I still have one more to come.

The atmosphere at the surgery was quite shockingly different to previous times. On the last two occasions that I had these injections, I was the only patient in the waiting room. I was in and out within 5 mins. Today, on a beautifully warm and sunny day, the clinic was packed with grumpy old people all complaining about how long they had to wait.

They weren’t very pleased when I, the last to arrive, was called before them all. I’m afraid I left the embattled Receptionists to deal with that. It’s a big needle and I’m bruised for a few days afterwards. I play on that a bit so that I get better treatment than I normally would. Today, we went straight from the clinic to Sainsburys where I was treated to a box of fresh figs. They’re Turkish not Greek so didn’t quite have the flavour but lovely all the same. As you will know, dear Reader, quite a moving fruit.

The day has progressed fabulously with hot sunshine and largely cloudless skies. Really enjoyed the walk this afternoon and looking forward to Dinner of Kalamari & Salad with Skordalia (Σκορδαλιά). Skorda is Garlic. Skor-Dal-I-Ah is Garlic Sauce made with Garlic, Bread or Potato and Olive oil. It goes beautifully with fish &/or salad. We will cook and eat it outside in the garden, basking in the sunshine and the warmth.

While my chef cooks Dinner, I will toil on the internet. Thank goodness it works so well out in the garden these days. Gigabit Broadband reaches right across the house, garden and gym. It supplies the TVs, mobiles, and so many home devices. I even control the air-conditioning, heating & lights from bed on my smartphone. I have talked to most of my friends today. As I pointed out the other day, this is keeping me alive!

Of course, some friends are still teaching. Every working day of my life, I drove across the Pennines each way. It was a nightmare then and it is worse now. Often, I would go on the M62 J23 – J22 and reverse. I would be struggling today. The Manchester Evening News sent me a warning this afternoon of long delays after another accident. Just look at the sunshine (NOT).

Friday, 15th September, 2023

A lovely morning which is forecast to give us another beautiful and warm day. The times are definitely changing though. Half way through September, Nightfall is coming increasingly early. The sun goes down at 7.15 pm and the nights are less warm now – about 16C/60F. I’m still sleeping with aircon on but maybe not for long now. The real test will be how long tee shirt and shorts will last. Chef serves Breakfast at 7.00 am and the sun has only been up for about 30 mins by then. Moisture from the night air can be seen on the garden furniture. Fortunately, it soon evaporates as the sun burns it off.

I’m afraid my wife of 45 years has to go. She has spent the past 10 years looking for trousers that don’t exist. This week, she thinks she has found them and ordered 8 pairs. White Stuff, and Boden seem to be causing commotion. She really has gone over the top this time spending £500.00 on trousers. Some couples keep their finances separate. I cannot even understand that idea. I gave everything I own to my wife from the outset – nearly 50 years ago. I know I seem to be dominated by money and cost in my Blog. It interests me but it really doesn’t worry me much at all. The car is in her name. The house is in her name. The investments and savings agreements are in her name. I never want her to worry about money or me.

If I die, if we separate, she will always be alright. That’s why I feel confident in throwing her out for overspending on her clothes bill. I mean, why would anyone consider buying these many trousers? Once she gets into the buying mode, the fever takes over and all is lost. Today, all was lost quite early!

I’m pleased to report that our pool in Florida is now complete and looking good. No expense spared – only what I deserve. Heated Pool, Jacuzzi Plunge Pool, outdoor shower, seating area and Pizza Oven.

Outside the statutory poolside railings which I regret, a strange man has been developing a pitch and put green. I mean, who does that? Well, I’m allowing relatives to use it at the moment until this cancer is GONE! I’m looking forward to a dirty month in Brighton.

Saturday, 16th September, 2023

Absolutely lovely morning with blue sky, strong warm, hot even, sunshine. Woke a bit tired because the mobile next to my bed announced a Whatsapp coming in at 1.45 am from a girl in Florida. She was having Dinner in a Steakhouse in Florida and felt the need to tell me how good it was. I might even go and try it but not at 1.45 in the morning.

I found it hard to get back to sleep, put the radio on and heard hours of discussions about the misery of the Libyans lives destroyed by a burst dam and about the need to ban dangerous dogs. Personally, I would ban all dogs but some people seem to need them.

It got more and more boring to the point when I fell asleep. It was a hot night and the aircon was on until it got too cold… and off until it got too warm …when I had a hot flush … and on again. I am a nightmare to share a bed with at the moment. I don’t know how anyone else copes!

I was woken by the new BBC day starting at 5.00 am with its usual round up of things from this day on past years. Appeals to my sense of History. This one particularly interested me today because it linked to the communication from Florida.

On this day in 1959, the first commercial photocopier was successfully launched on live TV in New York. The Xerox-914 links to the girl from Florida because she was once a big cheese in the Xerox company. What astonishes me is that, when I started teaching in 1972, schools didn’t have and certainly couldn’t have afforded photocopiers. I was reproducing worksheets using a primitive spirit Duplicator which we called a Banda. We had to generate page reproductions by turning the wheel by hand and the smell of the spirit certainly woke you up in the morning.

The other item that stuck in my head was the anniversary of Black Wednesday and – for us – Black Friday. On this day in 1992, a speculators’ rush on the pound meant that the UK fell out of the ERM – European Exchange Rate Mechanism that pegged the values of disparate economies which were desperately trying to integrate with each having their own currency. The pound crashed on this day in 1992 and, two days later, interest rates went up from 10% – 15% which was very painful on our mortgage rates. No ‘fixed rate’ deals in those days.

As a result of these sorts of tensions, the Eurozone introduced the common currency , the Euro, in 1999 and it was adopted across the Union 3 years later. The nay-sayers predicted its downfall within months and then within a few years but here it is more than 20 years on and a real force to be reckoned with on the World stage and certainly eclipsing Sterling.

Sunday, 3rd September, 2023

Well it looks like the Indian Summer is coming. Just as well because I am stuck here pining for more. We have put the suitcases back into store. At least we have a south-facing garden because Pauline insisted on it. I wanted a bigger house but she wanted sunshine and won. She was probably right although I won’t be admitting it to her.

I am talking to friends a lot at the moment because I cannot go to meet them. I have to face this medical course I’m on with realism and determination. I am just 5 weeks away from the hardest part and then another 5 weeks until I get a verdict.

I am renowned for learning someone’s life story within 5 minutes of meeting them but I am always surprised when I learn new things about old friends. In contact with three of them over the past couple of days, I learnt that one has had two bouts of breast cancer to deal with, one has the early stages of the hereditary disease known as Dupuytren’s Contracture. The third one just doesn’t like cheese. I mean, who doesn’t like cheese? I’m on a diet but I’d kill for some Dolcelatte right now …. and it’s only 9.30 am!

So much for the BBC weather forecast. It’s 1.00 pm and we are already seeing 27C/81F. Both sunshades up and out. Dinner outside tonight. Now for a 2-hr walk. The beach will be packed so the countryside today. At least the kids go back to school on Tuesday here so the beach will be left to the grownups. Might have a swim. There again ….

Monday, 4th September, 2023

Gorgeously warm night and a lovely start to the day. I’m starting this at 9.00 am as the blue sky and sunshine is already delivering 22C/70F. Good day in prospect. Nothing special – walking, garden tidying, etc..

Got a nagging hurt inside me this morning. Reading an article about my forthcoming treatment – well, about one man’s experience. You can read it here.

prostateDownload

Have found it upsetting. Of course, it is probably just the coward coming out in me. Makes me feel icy – even in this warm weather – and lonely. I wasn’t helped by something else that appeared on my phone, iPad and computer. It was the anniversary of the death from brain cancer of one of our Oldham friends. His widow, Diane, who also taught with us, put on a sad, sad piece marking the occasion from Woodstock in New York which is where they made their last trip. We were in New York at the same time.

Frank was headteacher of a private school in Oldham they bought in the 1990s and ran until about 5 years ago. He had two, main hobbies – cycling (He was a fitness fanatic.) and playing the guitar (He had a number of them.) Diane’s tribute to him one year on was a guitar piece I had heard many times before but didn’t know much about. It is the R.E.M piece: Everybody Hurts with that famously , hauntingly, sad riff that tears into one’s memories and scatters them across the sky in razor-sharp shards of glass ensuring everybody really hurts.

Hold on. Hold on.

Tuesday, 5th September, 2023

Must start today by wishing my very, very old sister-in-law happy 86th birthday. Born in 1937, can you imagine living to that age. She’ll probably see me out if the family tradition is sustained. Hope she has a nice day in the sunshine.

Hot, hot, hot. We saw 28C/83F yesterday which was the Athens night time temperature but felt scorching here for walking. We are forecast for the week to get hotter which I will love although I’m not sure Phyllis will approve. This is exactly the sort of weather I revel in. We haven’t been to the beach yet but we must in the next few days while the kids are in school.

Today, I am spring cleaning the garden … in Autumn. I am the world’s natural tidier. Things must not be out of place or I feel uncomfortable. There is creativity in untidiness but, for me, it is the drawing together of disparate elements that unite to make the whole. For me, it is the same with ideas and communications. I can’t allow an idea or subject to go by without understanding it. I cannot hear or see a word that I don’t understand without immediately looking it up. I am a nightmare for other people because I just stop in the middle of the road until I have resolved those sorts of things.

Do you send communications – letters, emails, texts, etc., to people and then they make you wait for ever for a reply? I can’t do that myself. If someone contacts me, I see it as my responsibility to reply straight away. Actually, I prefer to communicate face to face, skin to skin knowing that I have made myself understood. Of course, modern life means so much contact is remote and I regret that but take advantage of it. It does allow me to control the narrative more and do it in my way.

Our lovely neighbours are doing at the moment what we did 40 years ago … falling in love with Greek islands. In their case, Skiathos. They are excited and planning to build/buy/long term rent a property on the island that they can retire to in the future. They’ve only ever been there in the height of Summer. Some people assume that is what the island is like all year round.

Last weekend, most people left the islands for their mundane jobs back home leaving behind 38C of weather. Yesterday, the weather broke and, as so often in September, the first rains for 6 months hit the country hard. This was Skiathos, their holiday idyll, yesterday.

We, on the other hand, were experiencing 30C/86F and I was in my element – the sauna of sun. Kevin was at home, convalescing but in his garden enjoying the lovely weather. Julie was happy that this late, hot sun was helping to ripen her impressive bell peppers – certainly better than anything I’ve achieved. John R was in the Lakes enjoying his last days of sailing before his ketch, Mariota, is hauled onto dry land for the winter. All of us sharing our experiences from across the country as we see ourselves through our retirement. I find it quite moving to be able to share.

Wednesday, 6th September, 2023

Another sunny day. Another hot day. Looking forward to it. Actually, Indian Summers are quite common and I looked back just two years to this photo down at the beach. On this day, the temperature was around 82F

The sea looked delicious although I didn’t go in. It’s the colours I love and the light. That’s why I love the Med..

But I am stuck at home and, at the moment, there are worse places to be. The weather is wonderful and the surroundings are beautiful. In the green space at the edge of our Development, the gardening contractors set aside a swathe of land to sow wild flowers. We were sceptical at the time but it has worked out quite nicely.

Just got to keep going. Hold on. Hold on.

Thursday, 7th September, 2023

Another gorgeous day. Went down to the beach but the tide was out. A few people had walked out to swim. I just took photos. Hot with no breeze. It was 28C/ at 10.00 am.

Feeling lonely. Talked to lots of people but without purpose. Did no work just my exercise programme. Can’t be bothered Blogging. Might have come to the end of the cycle after all these years ….

Friday, 8th September, 2023

A quiet, empty morning punctuated only by the arrival of workers. Our new, favourite carpenter is hear doing some adjustments to fitted, bedroom furniture. Across the road at our neighbours – the lovely Italians – the scaffolding went up yesterday and solar panel installers started work on the roof.

We have talked about doing the same for quite a while. At our ages, it is debatable whether the installation will ever be cost effective. I was surprised when Filippo told me that, with Local Authority subsidy, the 6-panel installation + Battery storage would come in at around £10,000. We spoke to the installers and may be in contact ourselves when we’ve thought it through. Our neighbour’s house is South Facing so panels are going on the front of the house. Our back garden is South Facing so any panels will be hidden away which is preferrable to us.

Went out to the Greengrocers to buy some cherries. The English season is very short and harvesting them is very labour intensive. They have always been expensive but I bought this bowl – 1.3 Kg of Kent cherries – for £19.13. I asked if I could have it on interest-free-credit but apparently Greengrocers don’t offer that.

Brilliant cartoon in The Times this morning encapsulating the chaos that is broken Britain. Dovetailing the news that Britain has paid to go back into the EU’s Horizon Science Programme after losing it through Brexit.

Saturday, 9th September, 2023

Our next-door neighbour, Dee, an English lecturer in a local College, went back to work on Monday and by Friday she was off work with …. Covid. The latest variant is spreading across the country like wildfire and there are rising numbers in hospitals. The latest covid variant – Pirola – is sweeping the States and figures have been rising rapidly here. I have to keep myself clear over the next few weeks as I travel to hospital each day for radiotherapy.

Had a hot flush in Sainsburys this morning. From normal to soaking wet in 30 secs. Goodness knows how women cope with the menopause.  At 10.30 am, the temperature outside was 28C/83F as we walked into an cool, airconditioned store. Being completely contrary, I suddenly stoked my body temperature up to heatwave and my body flooded. Too much information? Tough! It will be over by mid-October and I will start to become a man again. Sex in the afternoon. You can’t beat it!

Our neighbours across the road have really rekindled our thoughts about installing solar panels. Our LEA, Arun, has a group buying scheme to cut the cost. We submit our requirements to Arun – We think 12 panels + Storage Battery – and they take all residents requirements and put them out to ‘auction’. The installers bid their best price in the knowledge that they are getting a lot of business. Certainly saves us having to haggle and the installation gets LEA approval. We estimate £10,000 – £12,000 should do the job. If we can generate the largest part of our own requirements and sell some back to the Grid plus add value to our house, we think we can justify the expenditure at our ages.

Sunday, 27th August, 2023

This morning I remember my lovely Mother-in-Law who died aged 96 in 2010. Today she would be 109. If I believed in a life after death, I would wish her the best. Unfortunately, I don’t.

Instead, I will tell her a joke.

Your Mother has been with us for 20 years, said John.
Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?
My Mother? replied Pauline. I thought she was your Mother.

I had a run round the modern (old) Olympic Stadium in 36C of hot and steamy sunshine. Pauline did what she does best ….

There is only so much you can do in this heat. Quite a bit of my exercise is done in the slightly cooler evenings on the ancient, marbled and glassy streets of Athens.

I walk under darkening, azure skies in the much cooler 28C past the imposing building that is the Grand Bretagne Hotel and on up the road to Kolonaki and all the foreign embassies. The couple of hours exercise is rewarded with two scoops of the most wonderful and refreshing Tiramisu Ice-cream.

It is the perfect antidote to burning up on Athens streets unless, of course, you are on the mean streets of Manchester, in which case, you’ll need an umbrella and a blanket!

Monday, 28th August, 2023

Coming home is always a strange and multi-levelled thing. I used to feel disappointed that our time in a place had come to an end. I no longer feel that because I know that I will be back and could go back whenever I chose. The difficulty is rationing myself. I must admit, I think of people back home as soon as I begin to travel. Up early – 6.00 am – this morning because we are going to the airport. We (Pauline) packed last night. Breakfast at 7.00 am and then checkout.

The checkout desk announced that I was now a Gold Card Guest which entitled me to considerable reductions and benefits. They called us a taxi for the airport and we were off.

At the airport by 11.00 am, we didn’t bother with a Lounge today. Actually, the airport was reasonably quiet and we had a coffee and then went down to air conditioned Gate. I contacted my friends in UK. Kevin wished me safe flight. Julie winked. Michelle wished me a good time and Dee said the sun was out and she would save it for me. One or two other people didn’t reply but that’s OK.

I was hit by an incredible sadness, loneliness and separation as I sat on board. Life – Past, Present & Future – has an incredible depth at the moment I really don’t understand what’s happening. It has huge meaning for me if not for others. I am a basically a good person. I have good intentions towards others. I know they find that difficult to understand. I love them come what may.

Never eat on short haul flights but the time difference meant we were starving and ordered ham& cheese toasties. Disgusting but necessary. The plane arrived on time. Took off more or less on time and I read and snoozed for the 3hrs. 20mins to Gatwick. In the early 1970s, it used to be 4hrs. 30 mins. This is so easy. As we landed, I sent kisses to friends to let them know. The news coming in was quite a shock. There had been an air traffic control IT problem with real knock on effects across Europe. We only learnt as we landed.

We have never been through the airport so quickly and down to the Long Stay Carpark which I had recorded on the way out because I remember nothing. The shuttle bus was waiting for us and the car was just a short walk away. I drove home in 45 mins and the post was waiting along with Welcome Home notes from friends and neighbours.

How incredibly lucky I am to have such nice people in my life. Jason had cut the lawns and John had put the bins away. The plants had all survived and we even picked some vegetables for our meal. Pauline unpacked while I cooked sea food Linguini. We drank champagne which immediately reacted with tired bodies and we went to bed.

Tuesday, 29th August, 2023

Went to bed early last night because our body clocks were 2 hours ahead and we had drunk a bottle of champagne. I never need a lot of sleep and woke at 3.00 am. Lovely, quiet time of night. Felt really happy.

The more I listened to the News, the luckier I felt about yesterday’s flight. In retrospect, I now realise why certain things happened at Athens Airport. When we got to Gate in readiness for Departure, our Boarding Passes were not checked. The Easyjet official called for Speedy Boarding passengers – which we always buy – to go on board first. Usually, they would check our Boarding Passes which indicate that but no one checked anything. We were rushed on board and the plane went down the runway unusually quickly.

Normally, the passport e-gates at Gatwick are like a cattle market as we are forced to snake around taped off lanes and queue for ages. We landed at 2.00 pm and found the airport almost deserted. We were told not to queue but to go straight through the e-gate. I have never been through an airport so quickly and we didn’t have to wait for Baggage reclaim so we were driving home very quickly. Foreign travel should always be like this.

Rather overcast this morning. Already missing that stark, brilliant blue, Athenian sky from the past week and the searing wall of heat. From 37C yesterday to 20C this morning is quite a contrast. Still I am very happy and thankful that I have the freedom to do what I want in my life. If I can get the all-clear in December, who knows what we will do, Dear Reader. Actually, I have felt quite positive this morning, floating on a wave of optimism.

Self indulgence is now over. Got quite a grim few weeks leading up to the middle of November. Really working hard on my weight and fitness prior to an intensive month of radiotherapy. I have never experienced anything serious like that so I don’t really know any more than I have read. I am going to have IGRT which is said to be less likely to damage me while killing the tumours. I have already been scanned to provide the images. I have now had 6 months of hormone treatment with two more to come. Let’s get it over with!

Wednesday, 30th August, 2023

Beautiful morning if a little Autumnal. Blue, cloudless sky. Strong, warmish sunshine but the temperature did go down to 12C/54F last night and there is a dew outside on the grass, spiders webs stretch out across the bushes, glistening in the sunshine and the patio flags feel distinctly cooler than Athens streets.

We have to face it, Dear Reader, that the Summer is over (already) and Autumn begins. Kids around the area are enjoying their last few days of freedom – many oblivious about what is to come. Parents are getting their heads down and facing the long, working stretch up to Christmas to come. I am starting my second day of hard diet and renewed exercise programme.

I use two apps on my phone that many others use also. When I met up with Kevin a couple of years ago, I was slightly surprised that he was using exactly the same apps: Garmin Connect and MyFitnessPal. They mesh together to provide an input/output data recorder.

My radiotherapy begins exactly 6 weeks today, on Wednesday, 11th October. That is my first fitness target. A month later, I will be fighting through the after effects and I don’t intend to take a backward step if I can avoid it. The rehabilitation programme will continue until I meet the Oncologist on December 29th.

My in-house chef is making strawberry jam while I have a number of ‘Office’ jobs to complete but exercise has to be incorporated into that day. Gave up constructing the cold-frames so got to engage a handyman to come and do it for me. Have to look at our energy suppliers because our 2-year contract is up at the end of December.

Our new car is only 6 months old and we have learnt of a new, plug-in hybrid model coming out in the new year. I have been asking Honda for this for ages. We may be changing our car sooner than we thought.

This morning I’ve given myself the arduous task of researching the details. It will probably be available in the early months of 2024 and will cost around £54,000 so a bit of an increase on our model which, at this rate will only have done around 6,000 miles. Still, I’ve only got a finite number of new cars left in my life so I won’t be waiting too long for it.

Thursday, 31st August, 2023

Well, we reached 22C/70F yesterday but it felt cold after Athens. This morning has opened gloomily grey. We are expecting rain so I will be in the Gym quite a bit. First I’ve got a practical problem to sort out. I know, I’m not a practical person at all but it has to be done.

Got home from a walk yesterday and heard the house Bleeping. First thought it was the Answerphone? No. Smoke alarms? – We have 4 around the house which are mains powered and interlinked. They have a battery backup system. When the batteries in one die, the unit bleeps and flashes.

Stress rises as each unit is checked in turn and the bleeping continues. Smoke Alarms not guilty. What the hell can it be and where is it coming from? Eventually, the noise is isolated to the Utility Room and a little unit on the wall that I had never noticed before – a Carbon Monoxide Alarm. After all, we’ve only been in the house 7 years. Why would I go in the Utility Room?

I understand what they are and what they do and now I’ve found it and it is next to the central heating boiler, it makes sense. How to stop it bleeping and what did that bleeping mean? Getting off the wall was easier than I expected. It is a free-standing unit just fixed with a plastic headed stud to the wall. How to open it to replace the batteries looked much more difficult. With all practical problems, I just use brute force. It makes me feel better even if it doesn’t solve the problem. It was flashing Fault. Not for long. I stuck a screwdriver into the front panel to prise it off.

Well, Dear Reader, I have never know my own strength and it flipped off immediately to reveal …. no batteries … but it was still bleeping! I thought I should start to read about this. I’m better at reading. Suddenly, on the side of the unit, I spotted the words: Replace by May, 2023. When I looked it up on the web I learned it was Battery powered by a sealed 10 year lithium battery.

By the time I had found all this, I realised it had stopped bleeping and I could research a replacement. That’s where I am going this morning. Even I can manage to hang the new one on a pin in the wall.

Friday, 1st September, 2023

I know I say it many times but time is seriously running out. The start of a new month just underlines and emphasises that feeling. It is interesting to me the psychology of that feeling. I go from a panicky sense of Stop the World I want to get off and seeing my remaining life ambitions receding as the timeline shortens to a determination to address those ambitions more urgently and with more determination. Strangely, although I know people celebrate a new month and I try to recognise it, I can’t really join in.

Why should I want to leave August? Can it ever be better to move from Summer to Autumn and then Winter. If it was practical, I would buy permanent Summer. Alas, Dear Reader, it isn’t and we are already in the Autumn of our lives.

Had a bit of ‘fun’ with the old, CO2 Alarm yesterday. Having removed and replaced it, I had left it on the worksurface in the Utility Room while I worked out where to dispose of it. Having Dinner, we were shocked to hear the dying alarm suddenly start bleeping loudly from the other room. Because I am incredibly practical (not), I thought, I can’t put this outside to risk waking my neighbours in the night. I couldn’t work out how to disable this ‘sealed’ unit. My highly attuned scientific understanding led me to submerse it in a bowl of water in the Laundry. Seemed to work. At Breakfast this morning, still under 6″ of cold water, it bleeped and flashed.

I took a hammer …. and a couple of screwdrivers … and with a bit of brute force, broke open the unit to reveal a perfectly ordinary, Duracell battery. Ridiculously, the sealed unit had to be destroyed to find that out. Good fun though … and before you say, Get a Life!, as I’ve already pointed out, that is a diminishing possibility.

Got to go to the Eye Clinic this morning. Had to go out for an early, 2hr walk. It is quite warm. Overnight, we were 18C/65F and now, at 10.00 am, we are 21C/70F. Looking forward to an Indian Summer over the next few weeks. ….

Been to the Eye Clinic which is in an old, scruffy, ex-hospital. I suppose they think people who need their eyes testing won’t notice the scruffiness! I do. It makes me uncomfortable as if I’ve re-visited 1950s Britain. Suppose that appeals to the Brexiteers. Anyway, eyes tested and photographed. Confirmed I still have two but only one works. As I’ve never known any difference, nothing has changed. Before the scan, I have powerful drops put in to enlarge the pupils. Helps to show up unusual things for examination. The drops sting like hell and leave me intensely light sensitive for 3 or 4 hours afterwards.

This afternoon, we’ve got a carpenter coming over to construct two, huge cold frames and look at a wonky door handle. Might tap him up to construct some shelving under the stairs as well.

Saturday, 2nd September, 2023

Hot and humid morning eventually reaching 24C/75F. Shopping day – Tesco & Sainsburys. Have a real craving for Dolcelatte but it is off the menu at the moment. It will be back SOON.

Lawn mowing day – for ourselves and 7 neighbours. The list is growing nearly as fast as the grass. Yesterday was really successful. The first carpenter we chose turned out to be perfect. I bought two, heavy duty, cold frames from Robert Dyas for £300.00 but the ‘sleeper’ logs they are made out of proved too tough for me to reconstruct. Had to get a man in.

When Ben arrived yesterday afternoon, I immediately liked him and felt I could trust him. It turned out he was an ex-policeman who was married to a teacher, lived in the next village and completed the job in under an hour. Asked him if he could look at a wonky door handle while he was with us and he soon sorted that out. I didn’t ask him up front how much he charged. It didn’t matter. I wanted the job done. Turns out, he charges just £40.00 per hour. I had predicted £100.00 so everything was good.

We have been incredibly lucky in the past 7 years. For 5 of them, everything was covered by our house warranty. Since then we have found wonderful tradesmen: Electrician, Plumber, Security and now Carpenter.