Category: Uncategorized

Sunday, 2nd April, 2023

A grey start to the day although the forecast is for wall-to-wall sunshine as the rest of the week develops. Been a busy start in communications. Every morning at 6.00 am I pick up an email from M in Florida. She’s not been in bed for long when I read it. Most mornings, Kevin checks in on Whatsapp. Yesterday was Chris’s birthday and I sent an e-card. Kevin was up and in touch around 9.30 am. By then, I had already had a Text from Liz who is staying in a hotel near the Brandenburg Gate. She had been reading the Blog and was pleased about my recent news.

I must admit that, although I am a committed European, I am not particularly desperate to holiday in Germany. I don’t like the language and find it difficult to read. I am much more comfortable with the Romance languages of French/Italian/Spanish. I am not keen on the coarseness of German food and I don’t get their humour at all. We’ve flirted with/driven through Germany a number of times en route to Greece and that is enough for me.

Watched the early morning political programmes as normal on Sunday. They are my religion. Braverman was typically obnoxious although I’m sure she appeals to the Tories baseline racist Right and the rampant Xenophobes. Dave Roberts and John Morris contacted me almost immediately afterwards to express their disgust with her. Braverman comes across as a deeply dislikeable person and not terribly bright or articulate.

The day just improved with lovely, warm sunshine and we did two, long walks. I’ve managed 9 miles today. Just had a lovely WhatsApp message from Michelle across the road offering all support while I am in treatment and recovering. Some people are so lovely.

Monday, 3rd April, 2023

Exactly 14 years ago today, we retired after long and protracted negotiations for a financial package. My friend, John Ridley, retired on exactly the same day. It was the most wonderful feeling and now seems so long ago and frighteningly near as well.

It was one of those relieving and frightening moments of one’s life when all responsibilities are suddenly thrown off but Life momentarily appears empty. The routines of working life took years to be erased from my system and my dreams were populated by concerns that had featured in my career. Even now, I can see the corridors of stress, the Inspectors arrival, the expectations of success, the meaningless policy papers, endless meetings and pointless resolutions.

Now, at 14 years distance, one of the things that really saddens me is the state of the buildings I worked in for 38 years from the pagoda- style, former Board School, 1885 building in Derker where I was Head, to the former Grammar School building which opened in 1951 with its dreadfully leaky and drafty, metal-framed windows. I worked in relative squalor all that time.

I had appallingly cramped offices and cold classrooms all of which were hard to keep clean. I introduced computers and the internet to Counthill School, eventually a campus-wide wi-fi network, on-line registration, school intranet and home-school teaching and learning systems. Every inch of that way was hard and resisted by many staff who were scared of the new. Can you imagine people wanting to resist new technology?

The new school is like a comparative dream. Built with integrated technology, smart screens, wi-fi throughout, large, purpose designed classrooms, offices large enough to work in, good heating and air conditioning, lecture theatres and all-weather sports fields.

Tuesday, 4th April, 2023

Woken up to find myself still alive on this gorgeous day of cloudless blue sky and strong sunshine. No need to drive to school. I’m retired. It is going to be a gardening day.

Went to the Garden Centre yesterday and bought some seeds and bags of soil. I am going to spend the morning preparing the raised beds for sowing seeds.

Sharing gardening activities with my Allotment friend, Julie. I’m just playing at it while she’s seriously growing her food on a large scale. We did all that years ago when we had an acre of garden and installed formal deep beds for vegetables.

Teachers’ Pensions are uprated by 10.1% this month although we don’t feel the effect of it until our May pay. Even so, one of the good things about Teachers’ Pensions is they are index-linked and keep pace with inflation in perpetuity. I spoke to Kevin about it this morning. He had no knowledge of it. It always amazes me that intelligent people are so unaware of these things.

An hour’s walk in the sunshine. Two hours gardening and another hour’s walk in hot (well 13C/56F) sunshine and I’m completely knackered. They say that the treatment program I’m on will make me tired in the afternoons. I am not prepared to acknowledge that but I’m feeling tired this afternoon and in need of comfort.

Wednesday, 5th April, 2023

Nice morning. Going out for an early walk because I’ve got a busy day. My sister, Cathy, is coming round for coffee. Had to source Vegan Biscuits just for her. Can you imagine it? I didn’t know there were such things. I didn’t really know what Veganism actually involved.

Basically, it means no animal-based products – no meat, dairy, or fish. Only plant-based products. What do they wear on their feet? Leather shoes? I’m going to find out today.

I love my Memory Box. It throws up so much that I’ve forgotten and brings it back to life. On this day in 2009, we were in our second day of retirement and had just landed at Ellinikon International Airport – the old and now demolished Athens Airport – to find our ferry to the island had been cancelled. We had to get a hotel quickly and went to the Electra Hotel on Ermou Street. We had to fight our way through a noisy demonstration in favour of sacked workers in front of the parliament. The next morning, on my 58th birthday, we were off to our island house.

In 2012, we were living in Woking, Surrey during the winter months. A woman and her son bought a duplex apartment across from ours. The son, Lawrence, was a chef in an upmarket restaurant in the city. The mother, we soon learnt, had cancer. She was in her late 50s and worked from home. She wasn’t very friendly or communicative but she sat outside and worked in the sunshine.

Things happened quite quickly. Lawrence’s mother suddenly disappeared. We later learned she was in a hospice and then, on this day in 2014, this floral tribute appeared outside their apartment. She was gone. Later that year, Lawrence sold the property and moved on with his life. His mother lives on only in his memories and ours. And so life goes.

Thursday, 6th April, 2023

My little sister, Cathy, arrived an hour early yesterday afternoon. I nearly turned her away but relented because we hadn’t seen each other for quite a while. Actually, it was lovely. We talked over coffee for a couple of hours. It almost always comes down to the dysfunctional relations of family which ultimately results in humour and tears. We parted vowing to meet more often in the future however much there is of it. I am acutely aware of the significance of renewing my relationships now. This morning, she sent me Birthday greetings which was nice.

It was much warmer and sunnier on this day last year. I don’t think we will be eating Lunch in the garden today.

I have joined the club of old, wrinkly people. I am 72 today. So many lovely people have sent me best wishes … and some not so lovely. I’ve had best wishes from a girl who I first met in 1973 and I haven’t seen for around 20 years. Ex-pupil, Marie, wrote: Happy Birthday, Sir. Best Teacher Ever. XXX !!! The fact that she’s in her 60s and still calls me Sir is neither here nor there. Ex-pupil Emma sent me love and kisses. Sue from Oldham did as well. Sue in France wished me, Joyeux Anniversaire. Sue in Gozo, Malta sent me best wishes.

Had good wishes from P&C in Surrey, A&K in Florida, Bob in Maidenhead, Ruth in Bolton, Kevin, Julie, John R., John M. in North Yorkshire, the lovely Julia in York, Peter Holgate in Knaresborough, Kevin Sellers in Ulverston, Dave Weatherly in Bolton, Charlotte and Lindsay from school. Fiza defied the wrath of her Muslim husband to send me her love. Even heard from Hilary-Jane for those old enough to remember. With time running out, it is good to reconnect as often as possible before the light fades.

Trying to stay positive but short term at the moment. Considering properties in Aguilas, Murcia which are easily drivable to from here with just one stop. Property is so cheap compared with Greece and Italy. This villa sleeping 6 people with pool, air con. and wi-fi is just £900.00 per week. Cheaper than living at home and with additional sunshine. Worth considering maybe for the month of July.

As with all good birthdays, the sun came out and the air was gorgeously warm. Did two, long walks in the sunshine and planned out more trips abroad to the sun. Our poor neighbours are away for an Easter break in Skiathos during some of the worst Greek weather for a while. They will certainly be clean when they get home!

Friday, 7th April, 2023

A gorgeous day to reflect on connections and coincidences down at the Pier. The sun is strong and hot. It’s nice down here on the South Coast. We came down here 7 years ago almost accidentally. Having left a Greek island, my Housekeeper craved the sound of the sea and this is where she chose. Quite coincidentally, it is 5 miles from where one of my sisters has lived for nearly 40 years and 15 miles from where my maternal Grandfather was born. My Mother’s cousins had a number of Antique shops along the South Coast. None of these things occurred to me until later.

Worthing Pier looks very ordinary from the opening. It has a Theatre and some tacky tourist shops. My Grandfather, from an Irish emigree family, was born in Brighton in 1894 and told tall tales of diving off Brighton Pier as a young lad for coins thrown by tourists. In later life, having worked in London throughout his career, he dressed in his trademark bowler hat and Dicky Bow and opened an Antiques shop in our village of Repton in Derbyshire.

So, by coincidence, we are down here after having lived in Huddersfield for 40 years. Our Pier has had a multi-million pound redevelopment and now looks quite good when you get on it. A new restaurant has opened at the end and is starting to get great reviews. I thought I’d look up when it was built and I found that it arrived in the mid 19th century and was designed by Robert Rawlinson. Nothing particularly special about him although he came from Chorley in Lancashire but he married a girl called Ruth (my sister’s name) from Lockwood in Huddersfield just a short spit from where we lived for 40 years.

Piers are strange places and being on one is to transport one’s self out into the sea, Looking over the edge, many are given to the awful temptation to throw themselves into the watery unknown. It is strange how that happens. I get it when I’m crossing the Aegean and looking over the ferry railings. Piers are derived from Peter, The Rock, and first arrived in the early 19th century. They certainly have rather an anachronistic feeling when I’m on one. They probably say the same about me!

Saturday, 8th April, 2023

Gloriously warm and sunny day. Easter weekend in UK. Greek Easter is next weekend. We spent some 30 Easters in Greece where it is the equivalent to Christmas. Lamb is roasted by some on Saturday – all day in the bread oven – and eaten at the midnight feast. Our cultural rhythms are still set to that sway.

Before we went out into the warm sunshine and down to the beach, my chef started the process of slow cooking a leg of lamb with garlic and rosemary. The vacuum robots were started on their tasks upstairs and downstairs and we were free to indulge ourselves in the season.

We drove down to Littlehampton – about 10 mins away – and parked up. We walked down to the Marina to join the Easter crowds promenading (βολτα) along the Marina/Beach path.

It is school holidays which means the Funfair is open and parents can let their troubles while away some time in fantasy land. I have to admit, it all looks and feels very ‘tacky’ to me but each to his own.

Back home, we ate salad in the sunshine and I did something I rarely do. I drank a bottle of beer. No ordinary beer, of course. It was one from Northern France – Houle du Blanc Nez – Surf of the White Nose. The White Nose is a cliff pointing out to sea. It is brewed in Wissant and delicious.

The tools of my trade are words. they always have been. It is something I owe to my Mother. I love words, sounds of words, meanings and their origins. I love the concepts that they paint and the ideas that they help to construct. I love communication. It is one of the few things I am good at. I am often shocked by the power my words have on others.

I sent a letter of Coincidences & Connections to a number of friends yesterday. I was absolutely shocked by the emotion of their responses. They shared it with their wives and read it to their Mothers. It obviously touched a nerve, resonated with a memory, evoked an emotion which builds up in all of us. I have that ability with words to move others. If there is any time to talk it is now before the going down of the sun. To hold back because of reservation will make it too late.

Sunday, 27th March, 2023

Hope you’re up … although there’s little incentive this morning. The weather is as wet as Wales. I was awake at 5.30 am. All the clocks advanced an hour apart from the oven and the coffee maker.

Watched the political programme this morning in which the Tories announced more gimmicks concerning Assylum Seekers and Offenders. Put one lot in prison camps and the other lot in prison fatigues to perform social reparations. Neither are serious policies. Today, they are announcing ‘trials’ of policies which will never see the full light of day. These are the actions of the flailing government in the dying days of power.

We decided to drive to sunny Bognor Regis or as royalty actually described it, Bugger Bognor. Of course, today it was looking at its worst. It really makes our seaside town look fantastic in comparison. It was very warm but grey and wet.

Even sheltering under the pier, the drips came down on us. On the promenade, great swathes of men – 20 – 40 somethings – were walking by as if taking the air after a lads weekend Saturday Night. Not that I’ve ever been on one. The whole concept appals me. They seemed as subdued as the weather.

Monday, 28th March, 2023

The day before the day. Haven’t quite got to grips with the time shift. Didn’t get up until 7.30 although I woke at 5.00 am and listened to the news as I drifted in and out of dreams.

Tomorrow at 1.00 pm, I will go to Chichester Hospital and look for the Nuclear Medicine Department. There I will be injected with a radioactive material into a vein. The substance travels through the blood to the bones and organs. As it wears off, it gives off radiation. This radiation is detected by a camera that slowly scans the body.

Between the injection and the scan, I have to wait three hours for the nuclear glow to spread itself around my body. Ultimately, I will literally be glowing with unhealth. Can’t wait. If you want a bright hug, you know where to come.

Lovely and warm and sunny today. Been out for an early walk – did about 5 miles – through the Park and beyond. Kids in school. Adults out at work. The park is quiet and empty. Actually, on the way back, a lady stopped me and said, Could I just say (What on earth is going to come next?) that I think you’re doing so well. For the past year and a half I’ve been watching you walking past my house every day. You never give up. You must feel so much better for it. It’s a bit of a shock to think I am being observed so closely. If only she knew what an awful man I am, eh Reader.

Tuesday, 29th March, 2023

The day arrived at 4.30 am. In spite of so many well wishes, it feels lonely and blank. It is a day to retreat in to myself. Been out for a 5 mile walk – wet and cold.

Just arriving at a hospital makes you feel ill. Where are your friends? Who is there to say, You will be OK.? The first job is to find the right place. Walk through the hospital, past the waiting men …

…. and on to the Nuclear Department. It is enough to strike fear into anyone.

After a short wait, a lovely girl takes me into her room for an injection of nuclear material. I am released for 3 hours to roam the world without concern. Although, I am very concerned. I drive to Sainsburys superstore nearby and have a (revolting) sandwich for lunch and about 4 cups of coffee. Two hours later, I drive back to the hospital and walk back to the Nuclear Department. Very shortly, I am ushered into the radioactive scanner room.

I have my legs tied together and the scanner closes down on my body. The first scan begins. As it does, I realise that the lovely girl is playing Classic FM. Irony of ironies, a string quartet begins to play Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. I have died and gone to ….

I couldn’t believe it. The tears streamed down my face behind the mask. It’s strange but the radiologist, Jane, understood completely.

She was a an aficionado of Cohen and knew all the lyrics. We talked about our experiences briefly and I left. Driving home in the rush hour rain, things returned to normal-ish.

I reached out to people to try and make life seem normal. I even did Wordle and sent it to M&K.

Wedesday, 29th March, 2023

It was a strange day and I was too preoccupied with my own events to remember to mark the fact that it was my sister, Jane’s birthday yesterday. I hope she enjoyed her day. In her new, West Yorkshire home.

Two walks today because the weather is warm and dry. It is so warm that the morning opened with a thick mist illuminated by a ghostly sun.

This afternoon I have to go for a hormone injection which should last 3 months and shrink the prostate and the cancer. Anyone available as a stand-in? Kevin would but it’s a long drive. The hormone shrinks the prostate and the cancer with it. Unfortunately, it brings on the Menopause with attendant hot flushes and mood swings.

Thursday, 30th March, 2023

A lot of shopping this morning. A lot of shopping! Tesco, Lidl and Asda for items selected by my resident researcher. Warm but grey morning with weak sun breaking through. The Beach Road was quiet and so was the beach.

The breeze was strong enough to interest this lad with his wind surfing although his girlfriend can only look on.

We are in the penultimate day of March and in the middle of the astrological phase of Aries. Now I don’t believe in Gods, Fate, or Astrology. I don’t believe in anything which is not empirically justified. But I am constantly shocked as I grow older. I always believed in the primacy of Nurture over Nature particularly when Eugenics had some currency but, as I’ve grown older, I have been shocked to see the strength of the effects of Nature on human generation.

Who could take astrology seriously? Certainly not me. It has always been something to be scoffed at on a par with Fortune Tellers and Palmists. However, I am approaching a birthday which makes me an Aries and I cannot believe how closely I fit the personality traits of that star sign. Aries Man is:

• A Leader
• Strong & Bold
• Trailblazer & Innovator
• Impulsive
• Very Impatient
• Self-Centered
• Competitive and Ambitious
• Short-Tempered & Honest

If you wanted to describe me accurately, you have it right there. Against all my better instincts, you have me right there – for good or ill – in that list. Perhaps not sure about the Self-Centered but I can’t argue with the rest.

Friday, 31st March, 2023

A horrible day of strong winds and driving rain with standing water on the roads. I’m going to be in the Gym a lot today.

I am trying to stay healthy and maintain my fitness. Fresh orange juice and porridge for Breakfast. No Lunch. Sea Bass and Salad for Dinner with no wine. I am increasingly drinking plant-based milks. I have no idea why other than I like them and they are relatively low in calories.

I am told that this hormone treatment will leave me feeling tired and listless. I am determined not to capitulate to that and I will continue to push myself hard. Otherwise, I might as well lie down and die!

Twelve years ago today, we signed for the purchase of a new-build, duplex apartment in Surrey which marked our exit from the North of England after 39 years.

It allowed us to have a lock-up-and-go property in UK as well as a house in Greece. It made our drive across Europe easier, quicker and cheaper.

Just 7 years ago this week, we had sold our Greek property and our Surrey property and were moving into our new-build Sussex home. We sold the Surrey property for double the price we paid for it to a lady called Pauline from Australia. We have stayed in touch and she is still there and loving it. That makes us feel good.

Saturday, 1st April, 2023

Happy new month to all Blog readers. Hope it turns out to be a good time for you all. Maybe, it will be a good month for me too.

I can hardly believe it. Yesterday, at 2.30 pm, my Patients Know Best website informed me that the cancer had NOT SPREAD TO THE BONE!!!! I can’t believe it. I have prepared myself for the worst for so long that this news is almost unbelievable.

It is actually quite strange, I get this information unmoderated in real time just as my consultant and my GP get them. I have to research the significance of the results before I speak to a medic at all. What on earth does:
No osteoblastic metastases actually mean? Thank goodness for Google.

Within minutes, I had heard from Kevin, Julie, John, Jason and Bob, from P&C and M&K sharing their love and congratulations. I must admit, I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or controlled. Didn’t know whether it was good news or slightly less bad news. However, it is news. It seems to me that I can have some hope. I hope, Dear Reader, that you will share that with me.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone …

The rain stopped, the clouds parted and the sun shone warmly this afternoon. Went for a walk and I’ve managed 8.5 miles so far today. Beginning to think about travelling again. We are going to Thessaloniki in May and Athens in September. Going to think about a long French drive in June/July. We have long wanted to visit Bordeaux so that will be in my planning.

After getting out of the Tunnel in Coquelles, the drive to Bordeaux is only 8.5 hours. In the past, I would have done it in one go but these days I will build in a hotel stop half way in somewhere like Orléans on the banks of the Loire River where we’ve been many times before. Planning is good. It is half the enjoyment.

Sunday, 19th March, 2023

Another sleepless night. Another beautiful morning – warm and sunny. The birds are going mad. They think it’s Spring … maybe it is now. There are mates to find, nests to build and young to produce. Life goes on. The lucky thing for birds is that they have no concept of cancer and its pernicious effects.

There are so many robins around here and they sing so loudly. They are feisty little birds. I have always loved feisty little birds. There is something attractive about being little and strong.

We learnt this morning that Lefteris was dead. We had known Lefteris Podotas for almost 40 years. We shopped at his supermarket – Arades aka Sainsburys in Exambela, Sifnos.

He was extremely suspicious of tourists in his shop, following them round to ensure they weren’t stealing until he realised they were going to spend lots of money and then he welcomed them with open arms.

He had two daughters , Chrysoula and Katerina, who served in the supermarket which was really a glorified corner shop. There are trolleys outside but there was hardly any room to wheel them on the inside. He sold island farmers’ produce but most things had to be brought in from the mainland by ferry/lorry two or three times a week. It meant that shopping was much more expensive although still cheaper than in UK

What we didn’t realise, until reading his obituary this morning, was how involved in island life he was and how much respect he garnered. There will be many at his funeral this afternoon. There won’t be many at mine.

Just going out to fight off the inevitable. Actually, the walk was quite chilly this afternoon. Now I’ve got an hour in the garden, bringing the furniture out of winter wraps ready to enjoy the coming sunshine. The raised beds have to be prepared for planting and the pots cleaned up for the new season. Finally, the patio will be cleaned to bring it back to ‘new’. So much to do and so little time in which to do it.

Received a lovely, supportive message from my sister, Jane BG, this evening. It moved me more than I expected.

Monday, 20th March, 2023

Awake at 5.00 am to a world of soft, grey, driving rain. A bit ironic because today is the Spring Equinox bringing equal amounts of day and night on all parts of Earth. Radio news – Banking is trembling again. Not what one wants to hear at this stage. I am already thinking of preparing for an uncertain future. I want predictability not instability.

When you’ve got cancer, you know you’re in trouble when a Biologist sends you love and kisses. Still it was lovely and it was great to hear from her. I am talking to so many people now but it was a shock that my phone told me I used it an average of more than 2 hrs per day last week. I am using voice, text and Whatsapp as well as browsing when out of the house.

My iPad told me I use it an average of 4 hrs a day. I do read apps delivering The Times and The Telegraph so that takes quite a while each day and I sometimes listen to the radio or watch TV/Films on it. I Blog on it at times but I’m up to 6 hrs screen time before you count in my desktop computer. It’s a problem for me because that is something around 8 hours physical inactivity a day. No wonder I have to force myself to do 2.5 hrs exercise a day and only sleep about 4 hrs a day. It is not the best organisation.

My housemaid requires a new steam cleaner. After 7 years in this house, she decided we needed new carpets. Panicked, I suggested she try just cleaning the existing ones. She did and was delighted with the results but now wants to build in more regular maintenance and feels a new machine would greatly help with that.

On a cost-benefit analysis, it’s by far the best option particularly as the housemaid’s services are free so that is the next search. Clinch the deal before I’m dragged out to carpet shops.

I have only done 7 miles today and I’m shattered. I’ve got to get a grip! Instead, I’m retreating to the Office to read The London Evening Standard. It’s great reading. I follow it with the Manchester Evening News which sends me Oldham and Rochdale items.

Tuesday, 21st March, 2023

Didn’t go to bed until 12.30 am and it helped with sleeping longer. It rained over night but opened warm, grey and dry. Went out for an early walk to start the day. I’m pushing myself to stay motivated. My phone app this morning helped me by marking my current streak of 54 consecutive days although I have a long way to go to match my previous record of 371 consecutive days. At least I am on the right route and showing some mental strength to continue.

At this time 10 years ago, we were just preparing to set off on the drive to our Greek home for a 6 month stay. It was exciting to anticipate the trip as we booked hotels en route and ferries down the Adriatic to Patras. It was great to reacquaint ourselves with Greek friends and pick up our island life.

Things have moved on and, on this day last year, we were swimming and sunning ourselves here at the pool of the Bradenton IMG Sports Academy. It was a good time but so much has happened even since then and life looks so different.

This morning, I’ve spoken to Kevin, Julie and my brother, Bob, who kindly took the time to phone. My sister, Cathy, is coming for coffee tomorrow. People are so kind that it hurts. Even so, I have a sense of loneliness and dislocation at the moment.

Nothing is forever. Life is constantly in flux. My former flatmate, Nigel, who is now 75 and suffering from Non-Hodgkinson’s Lymphoma, is finally giving up the lease on his Gallery. We must all hang together or, assuredly, we shall all hang separately, as Benjamin Franklin said. We may have been thrown together by random circumstance but, ultimately, that is what life is.

Wednesday, 22nd March, 2023

It’s 3.00 am and I am drinking tea in the Office. This has got to stop. Outside, soft rain is falling.

The day has opened dark and quietly wet. My sister is now not coming over for coffee. She contacted me by Whatsapp over Breakfast to say she had a prior engagement in Brighton. That’s not a problem. I get stood up by girls all the time. Went down to the Promenade to see a wild, high tide.

Didn’t stay to sunbathe. In fact, it felt cold in the wind and driving rain even though it was 11C/52F. Don’t think I’ve seen the estuary into the River Arun so violent at high tide.

Kevin, Julie and John in North Yorkshire have lovely weather today. John lives in Catterick Village and sent a photograph of a lovely view this morning.

Thursday, 23rd March, 2023

Quite a pleasant morning. Really noticeable how light it is at 6.00 am now and the clocks go forward this weekend so that will be even more emphasised. The heating is off until next November and the Summer is coming. If I make it through unscathed, I look forward to good times in the future.

Today is one of fairly ordinary housekeeping activity. First thing, the large, refrigerated van of our fish supplier pulled up outside the house. A huge, ice-filled box of fish was handed over containing four large sea bass and two sides of salmon. We eat so much fish, I’m thinking of buying shares in a Greek fish farm. You see them particularly around Igoumenitsa. As the Adriatic Sea meets and mingles with the Ionian Sea the Sea Bass and Grouper farms are obvious.

We have a kitchen fitter here from Symphony. Even 7 years after they fitted our kitchen, they are still arriving – completely free of charge – to replace three doors which are showing signs of wear. Mind you, they weren’t cheap to buy. We were shocked to find that one, additional double wall unit cost us over £720.00 so ongoing support is rather costed in to the initial price. Even so, they are a reputable company from Barnsley.

I had to order more INR test strips. I use at least one a week and more some times. They now cost £90.00 for 24 and I get one pack free on prescription and buy the other myself to be fair to the NHS.

By the time we got out to the Garden Centre this afternoon, the sun had gone so had the shoppers. They were advertising Spring but there were few takers. I just wanted about two tons of topsoil to top up and refresh the deep-beds.

Friday, 24th March, 2023

Diaries have been written for centuries from the ancient Egyptians on papyrus to the earliest recorded use of the word in Ben Jonson’s Volpone in 1605. The word ‘diary’ comes from the Latin diarium (daily allowance). The Diary of Samuel Pepys from the 1660s is well known but so many of us have disciplined ourselves to write down the thoughts and events of each day. One of my heroes, Tony Benn, faithfully recorded his day on cassettes forcing himself to work late into the night to do it and the arrival of the internet has made the activity even easier and more immediate. Blog is a portmanteau word derived from Web Log.

The Blog is not written for an audience although I know looking in on someone else’s life can be interesting at times. Although it is read every day by an audience of just over 250 people on two websites and across the world, I write the Blog every day for myself alone. It is how I reflect, record and remember the thoughts and events of the day. Most days they are routine and boring. Some days they are important, significant even life changing. My conversation is with myself, but I have spent my life talking to others in my head. I know there are others who do that in their heads. Some, on the other hand, are hardly self-reflective at all. Lucky them. I choose to put it into words. Words are my thing.

If my thoughts are sad or depressing/depressive, Dear Reader, pay no attention. We all have those moments. I just choose to commit mine to the page. They may sound melodramatic, self-indulgent, emotional or even psychotic. In the end, I try not to worry about that. Just getting them out is cathartic for me. The more stoic among you keep your thoughts to yourself. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

We are the authors of our own misfortune. The wages of sin … and all that. If I am going through a difficult time, my Blog reflects that. Ultimately, it is my problem not that of my readers. I will crawl away under a rock and deal with them when it all becomes too much but writing brings them into the daylight of scrutiny and helps me understand. I have always written at difficult times in my life. It is who I am. If you find it concerning, turn away to the joys of your own life. I will continue to babble away in my head and on my Blog.

Saturday, 25th March, 2023

I am aware of time, the passage of time, the shortness of time more acutely than ever at the moment. In the early hours, all the missed opportunities and unfulfilled hopes float endlessly through the waking dreams.

I will sleep through the moments
All the moments you’ve stolen …

Tonight, we lose a precious hour. Perhaps waking up at 4.00 or 5.00 am will seem more normal for a while.  I have always burnt the candle at both ends. While working, I would go to bed at midnight and get up at 6.00 am so this is not so strange although it’s hard on my bed-warmer.

Excitement of the morning – found a baby woodlice crawling across the kitchen floor. Can only suppose that it got in via the conservatory door vent. That’s children for you. No sense of danger. What would you have done, Dear Reader?

In any other time, I would have squished it and put it in the bin. Now, I cannot snuff out life so easily and chose to put him/her back in the garden to live another day. Did you now that baby woodlice are called Manca? Who could kill a little Manca? Life is too precious.

This morning at 5.00 am, the sky was bright and the dawn chorus was astonishingly loud. They know that time is short and the moment is now. For 72 year olds, the time was then. Found this photo from 1983 when porn star glasses were almost normal.

How easily we date! Even so, I have always tried to enjoy the age I was at any given moment and not regret the ravages of time. It is getting a little harder at the moment. One of my former pupils wrote this to me yesterday:

Every morning, I wake up and give thanks for what will unfold throughout my day.

This is the optimism of youth and I remember it well.

Sunday, 12th March, 2023

I talk throughout the day to people around the country and abroad. I even talk to my wife at times … particularly when I need food. Most of my remote friends use Whatsapp which is an internationally available service and free to use. It is almost entirely used through mobile phones and one of its biggest assets is that, unlike texts, Graphics (photos etc.) are free to send. It also allows us to send attached documents. I have a mobile contract with EE which has unlimited calls and texts but an attached graphic costs an additional £0.73. So, if I send you a graphic by text, you know I think you’re worth at least £0.73 – which is a lot!

The other point about Whatsapp is its security. It includes end-to-end encryption which means nobody else can intercept and read it which is why politicians favour it. It’s not so usual to be talking to people 50 metres away by Whatsapp but that’s what happened this morning. Michelle, from the house you can see on the right, sent me a Whatsapp message asking if I was OK because she hadn’t seen me for a while. More or less checking up on the old people. Even so, she’s a lovely girl and very kind. People here are, generally.

This is what my Social Secretary requires for her next smartphone. It has all the attributes of her current phone but folds the screen in half to slip discretely into her bag. I like to keep my staff happy.

A 5 mile walk in the Spring sunshine this morning. Lovely! the condemned man freed to enjoy his final days. Heard from Michelle, M, Kevin, Julie, Nigel and John Rid this morning. Leaves a warm feeling of friendship.

Monday, 13th March, 2023

A relatively warm night of 11C/52C. Beautiful morning – warm and sunny but a bit windy – for a walk by the beach.

I had two phone calls last week, the first asking me to meet the consultant on Thursday and the next day asking me to go in on Tuesday instead. This morning we are told the dates of the Doctors’ strike – Monday to Thursday morning – which suggests it may impact my consultation. Ironically, I fully support this strike but I will be disappointed if it affects my health.

Is it inappropriate to discuss toilet paper? Well, tough …. or, in this case, soft. Toilet paper involves shopping. Shopping, in a long marriage, involves discussion. When I say ‘discussion’, I insist on thickly quilted toilet paper. (Don’t ask!) However, we may have to dispense (to coin a phrase) with toilet paper altogether.

This morning, the news breaks that the stuff that we think rapidly biodegrades, as it is flushed down the sewers, actually includes a ‘forever chemical’. Polyfluoroalkyl Substances (PFAS) are a large, complex group of synthetic chemicals that have been used in consumer products. It has carcinogenic properties and is used in the production of toilet paper to prevent pulp clogging up the machinery. PFAS never breaks down so is ever present in the environment. No more toilet paper? Now what are you going to do? At least the Blog remains educational.

Went on to the beach where the sea was retreating then on down the Marina Promenade which looked quiet as boats moored away from the wind. These experiences are too nice to lose!

Tuesday, 14th March, 2023

A beautiful, sunny morning to … talk about cancer. What more could one want. At least my consultation hasn’t been cancelled … yet. Mid day will be one of the ‘life’ moments whatever the verdict. Rather holding my breath this morning which isn’t easy because I’ve decided to stay busy – cleaning the car, tidying the Office and the Gym. Managed a beautiful urine sample to take with me.

I’ve cleaned the car. It’s 10.00 am on the first day of the doctors’ strike and I have had no contact so it looks like my meeting will go ahead. At this stage, do I want to know?

Well, now I do know. I have extensive prostate cancer. They think it is still confined to the prostate but I have to have a bone scan to see if it has gone further. If it hasn’t, I will take hormone boosting tablets followed by 3-monthly injections to shrink the prostate and the cancer within. Then I will have to have radiotherapy to ‘eradicate’ the remaining tumour.

The foreseeable future in the medical services was what I was hoping to avoid. I’m not scared of dying but the banality of being a health statistic is what I was hoping to avoid for a few more years at least. I have people to see and places to go, things to do.

My biggest fears are that the tablets are likely to encourage weight gain. The radiology means a 30 mile round trip to Brighton 5 days a week for 4 weeks and will dominate our lives. I can’t bear putting my Secretary through that. Health and survival are set to dog our lives for months if not years to come.

I will not subject my wife and friends to that. I have to learn to keep it within myself and to deal with it alone.

In my beginning is my end. In succession
Houses rise and fall, crumble, are extended,
Are removed, destroyed, restored, or in their place
Is an open field, or a factory, or a by-pass.
Old stone to new building, old timber to new fires,
Which is already flesh, fur and faeces,
Bone of man and beast, cornstalk and leaf.

East Coker – T. S. Eliot

Wednesday, 15th March, 2023

The world looks very different and rather bleak this morning. There is a feeling of ‘What is the point of anything?‘ about it. I am going to be going through the motions but I will try to keep it out of the Blog as much as possible. Had delightful talks with Kevin and Julie last night. M said nice things from Florida and Bob and Liz sent lovely messages as well.

It sounds churlish but I find that sort of thing difficult to hear. Makes me feel ‘needy’. I suppose I am but don’t want to admit it. Have to let everyone else get on with their lives. Having said that, I am going to contact John and Nigel this morning. Been promising them a proper catchup for weeks.

I have a plan. I’ve started the course of hormone medication – not something that a man wants to submit to. I’ll probably have to go out and be fitted for a bra. To compensate, I am going to stop eating and live on fluids for a few weeks. It will mean I have less energy and I may have to moderate some of my exercise goals initially but I will hope to build them back up as time goes on..

In other news, British Gas are here this morning servicing the central heating. It used to be a straight forward thing at one time – when they were called The Gas Board. It hasn’t been called that since 1972 which shows I haven’t moved on much. In those days, people had separate water tanks in the loft and the boiler was drop-fed. It was all very ‘mechanical’. Now, it feels quite out of my comfort zone. It is quite an involved service which involves inspecting the gas boiler in the Utility Room, the cylinder in what was usually called the Airing Cupboard, the Hive controls and the smart meter.

The cylinder has a compression chamber which is quite beyond me although we also had one in Greece. We have separate controls for upstairs and downstairs. This is the first house where that has been available but it is very useful so the Hive system has two, separate controllers. Joe, the British Gas man has been lovely and efficient. He finished by checking every radiator – 15 in all – in the house. He even found a loose socket in the Utility Room and fixed it for us before leaving. They may be a bit more expensive than individual traders but you do get what you pay for with excellent service.

I have been phoned this afternoon by the Nuclear Medicine Department of Chichester Hospital. What the hell am I doing? I have to spend over 4 hrs on March 28th being injected with a radio active substance that will give me an extra 1 in 5000 chance of cancer in order to investigate an existing one.

Thursday, 16th March, 2023

A good night’s sleep and the most beautiful, warm morning of blue sky and sunshine. We had shopping to do first thing. It was nice to be distracted and normal.

I received emails of sympathy from my sisters yesterday. Although I know they mean well and I love them for bothering, it is not what I want at the moment. A copy of the letter from my consultant arrived this morning and seeing the words unfortunately we have diagnosed rather extensive prostate cancer in black type made it all the more real.

I’ve decided that I need to build a bunker in the garden for the time when I am radioactive. An escape from the world. It’s amazing how much help one can get with such a project. The internet is full of advice and guidance. I haven’t told my wife yet in case she objects to the disruption but I’m telling you. It will have to have an internet connection and fresh coffee on tap. Otherwise, I’ll be ok.

Although I’m hoping to stick to the timetable, our October trip North may have to be moved on to November. You heard it here first. Keep your diary open.

Friday, 17th March, 2023

A depressingly grey and wet morning although relatively very warm at 11C/52C. It echoed exactly this day last year – in New York. We were there, quite by chance, on St Patrick’s Day and the city was absolutely flooded in green.

Actually, it made the visit more interesting and vibrant although the restaurants were very full and the streets were blocked off for the procession.

Received a lovely email letter from Dr John Ridley this morning. He is an amusing mix of ancient & modern. He has lived in the same house in Catterick since he got married 50 years ago. He has a boat on Lake Windemere which he sails regularly. He drives a Jaguar car and and takes the elderly and disabled on tours of Fountains Abbey. He goes round the North of England giving talks on his time as a Village Headmaster and he sings in a Folk Band. And then, he holidays in … South Korea.

This morning he told me they had just had their Kitchen replaced for the first time in 30 years with their first ever DISHWASHER. He was very excited. Can you imagine living without a dishwasher all this time. It made me think back to our first dishwasher – a Hoover in 1984 – almost 40 years ago. I still can’t stack it without finding extra pieces of crockery after the wash cycle.

Dishwasher owner – going places. Love innovation and sucker for gadgets. It wasn’t long afterwards that I got a mobile phone. At home in Helme on the Pennines, I was shocked to find we had no 2G mobile signal and I had to drive out to the ring-road to make and receive a call. It was more trouble than it was worth but it was PROGRESS. I loved it. More than 30 years on, I am constantly using Whatsapp on my mobile to chat to random individuals.

The weather must be so much better in North Yorkshire. Julie is sitting out in her garden drinking coffee. It would be very diluted if I did that down here this morning.

Saturday, 18th March, 2023

Bad night. Radio on. Didn’t help. Shipping Forecast wasn’t riveting. Even Farming Today was a rehash of the week’s programmes. Anyway, it helps to drive the demons out for a while.

My Memory Box threw up a time in 1983. We had a log fire in our lounge and, to save money, we went to the nearby woods to collect logs. Usually, it was early on a Sunday morning because we weren’t completely clear if it was legal or not so we chose a time others were still in bed. Not so many young, married couples got out of bed early on a Sunday morning …. to collect firewood. No power chainsaw just a bow-saw and my youthful energy. It felt quite illicit at the time which gave it an extra frisson of enjoyment.

A year later, we had bought a house in an acre of grounds, had a number of huge trees felled and logged and the new log burner had fuel for the rest of time. Pauline will be keen to tell you that she still wears that jumper. I don’t. Nor do I have the moustache or what the school kids always described as my porn-star glasses.

Turned into a lovely, sunny day so going out for a walk. While I was out and to show a sign of optimism, our application for a French vignette issued to show our car’s compliance with European Emission Standards – Crit’Air – arrived to be mounted in the windscreen for our next French trip which can’t be far away. As a fuel-efficient, Hybrid, our car is awarded the highest criterion No. 1. It is needed when driving in most major cities of France – Paris, Lille, Bordeaux, etc..

Sunday, 5th March, 2023

Some say that maintaining a Blog for over 14 years, as I have, underlines my obsession with the Past. I am exhorted to forget the Past and just live in the Present. I have been interested to hear that one of the current concepts doing political rounds as people discuss the failings of Brexit, the failures of Tory policy during the Pandemic, the failure of the Tories to deal with Immigration is based on the observation of the 19th century Philosopher, Kierkegaard:

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.Soren Kierkegaard

I could have chosen it for the Header of the Blog. It is exactly why I record things so that I can refer back in future times. Often what I record is mundane and boring but it is amazing how often I go back and check events, actions, thoughts, across the years. I think it is part of the human condition to view their existence through the passage of time. Even basic animals do it. They remember successful, enjoyable events or things which failed or hurt them and go forward on the basis of those memories. I like to think that I follow this principle on a more sophisticated level.

After all, we feel the need to keep in touch with those who have died particularly on their anniversary. We understand the passage of time by acknowledging, even celebrating, birthdays. This week marks the 68th birthday of my little sister, Catherine. Brings me up short … and I need to be brought up short by the significance of that event. It tells me about myself and my journey across time. Who could imagine being 72? Too old for anything!

Too old to be cold that’s for certain! It is 11.00 am and still cold outside – just 5C/41F. It’s a good job I’m such hot stuff! I’m going to generate my own heat in the Gym now while reminding myself what a good barrister I might have been. Yesterday’s Blog will explain.

Our Office, in particular, and our house, in general, is full of charging points, USB points, wi-fi extender points, etc. They have been gradually accumulated over the past 7 years. Many are used when we travel so Laptops, iPads and phones can go with us and remain charged and connected to the web. This morning, I received a product recall warning from Amazon.

This multi-USB socket has been working under my desk since 2019. This morning, the government have instructed suppliers to contact customers because of imminent danger. The product poses a high risk of electric shock. Customers should stop using it immediately. Fortunately, I bought mine from Amazon which is where I source most things. They have a full customer database and could contact me easily. They say I don’t have to send the product back but they will immediately refund the money.

Could have been a shocking experience. Even so, it might have short circuited the Prostate Cancer problem!

Monday, 6th March, 2023

The day is cold. The atmosphere is cold. The forecast for the week is cold. My Medical Secretary is phoning the Hospital this morning – two weeks since my biopsy – to see why I have not been called to discuss the results, to find out how cold it is really going to become.

…. The message is that my case will be reviewed on Wednesday by a meeting of doctors who will decide the way forward and I will be contacted on Thursday. Icy!

Kevin’s been researching solutions for my as-yet-to-be-defined problems which is nice of him. Unfortunately, it makes it feel even more real.

Of course, the prize is not just a long life but a long and healthy life. My really old sister, Ruth is currently recovering from a hip operation. I am spending more than two hours in the Gym each day wondering what is growing inside me. I really don’t have any symptoms. Bob had obvious ones which led to his cancer being diagnosed very early.

I have been Covid-free. There are so many who have been having their lives blighted by Long Covid. Our region has just recovered from a massive spike in Covid infections and is now almost entirely free.

The Sunday newspapers were full of features about growing your own and eating seasonably. There were lots of allotment users featured telling their stories about providing fresh fruits and vegetables for their families through allotments. It suddenly struck me that it would be a good project for Julie in North Yorkshire.

I’ve suggested a Blog but she says she struggles with words so I’ve suggested she combines her photographic skills with her first time Allotment experiences to produce a photographic record of her exploits. It would be an interesting little project for the year. We all need something to achieve.

Having said that, context is all. If you want to know how insignificant you are, whatever your personal problems, just look back in time.

Everyone you can see in this photograph is dead. They may well have experienced two World Wars, Serious Pandemics and little or no medical assistance. Their lives may have been loving and happy but they will have been harder, poorer and lacking the warmth, light and softness that marks out modern lives. It’s all relative.

Tuesday, 7th March, 2023

Just 14 years ago this week, we were deep into the final stages of negotiating an exit from work. The final stages of such a process is always nerve wracking and one has to be strong to get the best outcome. We vacillated between success and disaster for a few weeks which is not the way one expects to leave a long career but it was worth it. We held our nerve and won strong settlements.

But 14 years! Just saying those words makes it both real and unbelievable. Could it really be so far away? I can still see and walk the corridors and feel I could drop back into that life easily but I was shocked to read that Lisa (Head of Humanities) is just 55 today.

There is a tendency to think that, when we leave a scene, the film stops. It doesn’t. The story just goes on without us. To think that she has been fighting all the same battles, going through the same daily efforts, making all the same decisions for the past 14 years and still has a few more to go before she can escape the Rochdale cold and enjoy the warmth of her Spanish home. It makes me tired just to think of it.

One of the things about aging, though, is regretting all the innovations we will miss. Those people living in yesterday’s photo from 1883 won’t have enjoyed a life with central heating, television, the internet, foreign travel …. Whereas I will probably not benefit from guilt-free travel as suggested in The Times article above.

Most batteries for electric cars and for devices from drones to smartphones are powered by lithium, which has to be mined, but Bill David, Oxford Professor of Materials Chemistry, thinks that they will be overtaken by batteries made from sodium, which can be extracted from seawater, baking powder and salt. The future of air travel could also be greener thanks to biofuels.

I long to see those days … but I have to be satisfied with today – the now of time – and it is grey and moody. Dear Reader, are you with me?

Wednesday, 8th March, 2023

You know that you’re having a slow day when weather is the main topic of interest. My weather app told me it was snowing outside. Wrong. It was raining and not cold. We haven’t even got the heating on this morning.

M messaged us – She was trying to sell her Mother. – to say it had snowed in Surrey and my sister, Liz, announced she was having coffee with the Countess of Wessex this morning if she could get through the snow in central London. I didn’t even know who that was and had to look her up. It is something to do with International Women’s Day. Do they do an International Men’s Day? Very few of us would like coffee with that strange guy with her! Now who is he?

According to my Medical Secretary, I can expect a phone call this afternoon or tomorrow morning. I suspect that will tell me absolutely nothing other than to invite me in to a meeting with the Consultant. She will give the thumbs up/down or something in between.

K in Florida sent me a nice message with his Wordle answer this morning: Dum Spiro Spero. While I breathe, I hope ….

Thursday, 9th March, 2023

A grey, wet but warm morning. Little Cathy is 68 today. We wish her a very happy day. I’ve made her a card. Homemade ones are so much more appreciated.

She doesn’t look too bad for 68, does she? She gyms and swims a lot and it shows. Mind you, I don’t think she would be swimming much today ….

Warren Buffet famously said, Only when the tide goes out do you discover who’s been swimming naked. … It was on its way out this morning but I didn’t stay long enough to view the nude swimmers.

This morning, I have been told the Urology Department want to see me next Thursday to discuss the results of my Biopsy … so another week in suspense or, as Kevin suggested, another drunken week.

Friday, 10th March, 2023

Warmest night for weeks. We didn’t fall below 10C/50F. It is one of those times when those of us in the South can gloat unless, of course, you like skiing. After 40 years of driving back and forth across the Pennines each day, facing terrible blizzards, snow drifts, ‘white-outs’ – setting off very early, trying to be in school before all the rest of the staff and students arrived. So often when we got there, the campus was so dangerous that the school had to be closed anyway but that decision had to be taken.

The new building has moved to lower ground but it is closed once again today. Staff and many pupils can’t get there and remote learning is in place.

In the early years living in Meltham, we would drive over the A62, across Standedge Moor, through Delph, up to Grains Bar and down into Oldham. For many years, we drove sports cars. We had lots of low-slung, Honda Preludes which could never really cope with thick snow.

Just when I had got over the Moors and begun to relax, Grains Bar hill would prove even worse. This morning, I grabbed this picture from a video clip posted on Faceache.

In later years living in Salendine Nook, near to Ainley Top, it was easier to take the M62 and the motorway from Junction 23 to Junction 22, Rishworth turn off is known as the highest piece of motorway in England. Dave Roberts sent this photo of Norden

Just been phoned by the hospital to have my appointment brought forward to Tuesday morning. Don’t know whether that’s a good sign or not.

One good sign this morning is the Lenten Rose flowering at the side of our drive. Well, that’s what my mother called it with a sense of religious conviction. It is actually called Helleborus Orientalis.

Saturday, 11th March, 2023

Sunny, bright and pleasant day. Life goes on. Yesterday, the burglar alarm was serviced and next week the central heating will be serviced. The affairs of life continue.

Oh, I can’t get it out of my head
No, I can’t get it out of my head
Now my old world is gone for deadE.L.O.

I wonder if you know the feeling when your first thought on waking and your last thought before going to sleep are the same as the thought that haunts you during the day. I am no stranger to it. It is the way my mind works. I have learnt to compartmentalise the day, as so many of us do; to refocus on other things however trivial. In the waking hour 5.00 am – 6.00 am, I have developed a fascination for farming. BBC Radio 4 at 5.45 every morning has Farming Today.

I am an expert on Pork Markets, Welsh Upland Sheep Rearing, Vertical Salad Horticulture and the effects of Brexit on Farm Subsidies and Food Prices. It may sound weird but it works … sort of … until it doesn’t.

During the day, as I’ve written before, I retreat into myself, the Gym and Film. I’ve just finished a fascinating film on Amazon Prime called Enigma based loosely around the wartime Bletchley Park attempts to crack the German Enigma Machine which encrypted messages into gobbledygook at one end, transmitted it and deciphered it at the other end without the enemy understanding it.

It took an intelligent man and, later, an intelligent woman – Kate Winslett – to crack the code behind the machine and read the German’s messages and subsequently save many Allied lives. The whole thing was based on numbers and logic. I love numbers and logic. Pauline doesn’t but I’m making her watch the film now I’ve finished it so that we can discuss it.

Sunday, 26th February, 2023

Didn’t sleep much but woke to a beautiful morning and my first thought was …. I’ve got cancer. Will it colour the rest of my life? Had lovely messages from friends.

Went out early for a walk in the park. Quite cold in the breeze but warm on our backs when the sun shone. My half hearted attempt at a photograph pales into insignificance when set against my brother, Bob’s recent efforts.

This is just beautiful and moving. The world is such a wonderful place full of views to explore and to share. I can’t be doing with my little brother beating me at something.

I’m going in the Gym. It feels safe in there. I am going to exercise and escape with a British Spy film.

Monday, 27th February, 2023

Another cold morning. I think we are forecast to wake up to these for most of the next week. We have workmen arriving this morning. After 7 years here and 2 years out of warranty, we have our builders returning to address an insulation problem free of charge.

After investigation, it turns out that an air-conditioning unit installation resulted in the loft insulation not being properly replaced and a couple of additional wiring installations for ceiling spotlights and a Sky TV dish led to wall insulation being compromised. Although they are not strictly responsible, David Wilson Homes have sent out people to sort it all out. As usual, they are lovely people. One comes from Catterick in North Yorkshire where John Ridley lives.

Gave the car its first clean since buying it. It was so highly waxed when we bought it that it instantly repelled all water this morning when I pressure washed it. Cleaning a new car is so lovely and quick.

I’ve retreated to the security of the Gym and a film. Something about exercise frees up the mind and that’s exactly what I need right now.

I’ve just been told that my iPad is ready for collection. Thank goodness. I’ve been absolutely lost without it. First thing tomorrow I’ll be going to the Laptop Workshop.

Tuesday, 28th February, 2023

Up early on a sunny morning and out to collect my iPad. It looked shiny and clean as if it was new. Worth £200.00 just for that. I’m sure it’s working better than before but it’s just lovely to have the mobile internet with a large screen but without being tied to the Office desk.

I clicked the iPad into its keyboard and cover and sat at the kitchen table revelling in the freedom. Today, Pauline is making Strawberry Jam and I am trying to escape reality.

Feeling a bit down today. I have a sadness that I’m finding hard to dispel. I’m just waiting, waiting to see a consultant, waiting to know what the next stage is, waiting to find out if there is a future and, if there is, waiting to view it.

I’ve escaped to the Gym and, in there, I’ve escaped to the Turks & Caicos Islands in the second film of a spy trilogy written by David Hare and featuring Bill Nighy. It’s almost working. Unfortunately, reality and fantasy are so far removed that it just points up the truth.

Wednesday, 1st March, 2023

Happy new month to all readers. Let’s hope it really is. Struggled to sleep again but at least I sorted out the world. Don’t think I’ve ever seen a white rabbit in real life. Ours around here are big, fat and brown. They all look very healthy.

I remember the talk of Myxomatosis in my home village in the 1950s. It all but wiped out the rabbit population. As boys, we regularly found dead or dying animals in the fields around the village. It wasn’t a pretty or painless death for rabbits. I had a pet rabbit at home and, when she died, I locked myself in the downstairs toilet and cried for hours, refusing to come out. … So not much has changed.

Because I am a data nerd, regular readers will know that I record all sorts of statistics on spreadsheets. The first day of the month is peak record-keeping time. Our power usage is recorded and compared with the previous month and the same time back over the years.

Of course, smart meters are a real help. You should see where our actual gas meter is sited – in a flower bed at the front of the house. I’m not grovelling down there every month but it is fascinating comparing usage in different properties across different lifestyles. Our heating system had to be extended into the Gym both for comfort and to protect the machinery. We thought that would greatly increase our costs but, in fact, we’ve used less this year than last.

We eat lots of fish and regularly order from our beach-side suppliers. This morning we will be ordering two, full sides of Salmon, locally caught Plaice, 2kg bag of Prawns and their special choice of the month, Sunshine (Florida) Bass. All sounds such healthy food. Let’s hope it’s worth it.

It must be a man thing but Kevin is very keen on data and statistics. He sends me copies of his cycling achievements, So here are mine:

Since starting to record my exercise on my Garmin App in 2019, I have walked 13,350 miles or 26 million steps. Even though I was only playing at it in the early days, I have walked an average of 6.5 miles every day for the past 4 years.

Something for Kevin to ponder on as he luxuriates on his pedal cycle.

Thursday, 2nd March, 2023

Touch of frost in the sunshine this morning. Outdoor walking is still quite cold and I’m rather retreating into myself at the moment so Gym-work is the order of the day. Time in the Gym means I am voraciously consuming drama, films, series. Yesterday, I completed a trilogy of British Spy Thrillers based around the laconic English spy played by Bill Nighy. In order to watch it, I needed to subscribe to Britbox. It costs £5.99 per month.

The trouble is that I have subscriptions to so many other providers in order to download something I have found worth watching. I was led to the spy thriller because it was based loosely around Tony Blair’s government and it was well worth it. Well, I say well worth it but adding the monthly subscriptions up comes to about £35.00. I like to start and stop many of these as and when I need them. I’ve just started watching a series set in Barcelona on Alibi which I may not use again for months when I’ve finished it so I will stop it. Most of the stuff on Britbox is rubbish so I pick that up and drop it. Netflix is a keeper and Amazon Prime is invaluable for free, next-day deliveries never mind films.

The research for today is preparing for a Summer that I will see. We have already booked quite a lot of time away already. Climate change is bringing hotter, drier summers and the garden will need to be watered automatically. Now the lawn has been replaced, I don’t need to use a wide-sweep sprayer. I’m going to install drip feed piping in the raised beds and connect the system up to an automatic timer fitted to the garden tap. This can be timed to water during the hours of darkness which should mean less water is needed and less is lost to evaporation.

Friday, 3rd March, 2023

Didn’t sleep last night. One of the first things I heard this morning on BBC R4 was someone singing, Help me make it through the night. Life is strange!

It is a beautiful morning of clear, blue sky and sunshine. Quite cold – just 6C/43F – and awakening.

Had to report my first INR since the Biopsy and it was back to normal at 2.3 which is pleasing. Still haven’t seen the consultant yet. It will be two weeks on Monday so I will be proactive from then. Can’t stand the waiting much longer.

Went down to the beach for some air this morning but left it a bit too late and the best of the sunshine had gone. That’s life!

A report of this piece of research appeared in The Times this morning. Don’t you just love the irony of it? Here I am doing over 20,000 steps a day and yet …

Saturday, 4th March, 2023

Heavy cloud cover this morning. I will be in the Gym while my Social Secretary will be in the kitchen. We have Lunch guests and cooking is the order of the day. Homemade Pea & Mint Soup is being prepared followed by Salad, Salmon & Dill Pâté, cheese and biscuits and the pièce de résistance, Fresh Strawberry Sponge Cake. Salivating already!

Kevin and I had a falling out recently. Some home truths spoken. They needed to be. You can’t maintain a relationship on pretence. I fully cleared the air and we are back on terms this afternoon. Feels better to be straight. After 50 years of individual development, we can’t expect things to have remained the same. It feels good that we understand each other. Had a lovely message from Christine as well. It’s good to have friends who care enough to understand.

I never really wanted to be a teacher. Barrister was what I aimed for. I went to Newcastle University in 1969 to interview. The girls there were amazing. I was desperate. I failed. I was rejected. My offer was 2 As + B at A Level which at that time almost amounted to rejection. Very few people achieved such grades in the 1960s. I am horrendously ashamed that I didn’t make it. I really thought I would make a world beating barrister. I became a teacher.

Tonight, I am watching David Tennant playing an invincible barrister – which, of course, I would have been – defending the indefensible and winning.

Sunday, 19th February, 2023

I must first wish happy birthday to my little brother, Bob, who is 71 today. Just 10 months between us – that’s Roman Catholics for you. That and the natural fecundity of the Sanders family.

Having lived in the South of England most of his life, Bob won’t know what his name means to Northerners. As I learnt when I first went to Oldham and they said, That’s absolutely bob. they meant it was total rubbish. It derives from the Lancashire cotton mills, where used bobbins/spools were discarded as worthless. I think today is the day to enlighten him.

Lovely, warm and sunny day. I’m having my haircut. Apparently, I can’t have things shoved up me on Tuesday if I’m looking scruffy. I’ll probably be made to put on a suit at this rate.

Pauline & I are both a collectors of the past. I collect people. She collects items – mementoes – things that keep her in touch with events of her history. Around our house, there are small, ostensibly insignificant, objects that came from her mother. A lampshade, a serviette holder, a thermometer that barely functions and things she picked up in Greece – pieces of pottery, objects from the travelling.

I was reminded of this because the objects are not just stored in a cupboard but put to use which makes them all the more significant to her. The lampshade is over our bed; the pottery is used to store sewing things, the little bags are used for all sorts of things including haircutting equipment. They were in use today.

The first car ferry we ever took to our Greek house was Blue Star Ferries in a brand new ship – Blue Star 1 – from Ancona to Patras. We rewarded ourselves with a Deluxe Cabin. The experience was lovely and we continued with them or Superfast Ferries for 15 years. Now we fly and British Airways give us bags with eye masks, etc. We are building up collections of those.

Testament to my collection of people: I have even developed a text relationship with Pauline’s old College friend, Christine in Milton Keynes. She and I were exchanging texts yesterday while she was dining out in luxury in a box at Chelsea while watching her beloved team lose at home to the Premier League’s bottom team, Southampton. She took a bit of cheering up.

I’m really looking forward to meeting old friends in October but we are talking about slotting in another reunion for my birthday in April – assuming I’m still alive. On April 6th, the Tate Britain Exhibition – THE ROSSETTIS – opens to the public. Now, for a long time I have been obsessed with the women of Dante Gabriel Rossetti’s life and art. Pauline had to put up with them hanging all over our Yorkshire homes.

You could say I was a collector. I amassed around 40 huge prints all around the house. They were prints unfortunately. Only Andrew Lloyd Webber could afford to buy the originals … and he did.

Monday, 20th February, 2023

Woke up thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow is D-Day. Old college friend, Nigel, wished me good luck. He is quite a bit older than me and is in remission from blood cancer. I think he had been prompted by Julie. I also heard from Kevin, John Ridley, John Morris and Dave Roberts as he returned from Australasia. Nigel’s contact really moved me. He doesn’t reach out much and to make that effort meant even more.

The news carried a report of the death of former sports commentator, Dickie Davies, at the age of 94. My waking brain instinctively said, Well, that’s not bad. If you’ve reached 90, you should be fairly satisfied. And then my slow, old brain calculated, That would leave less than 20 years to enjoy the people in my life, the places that I love, the words I want to write.

As the day approaches, I’ve been forced to focus on the precise procedure. Until now, I’ve tried to leave that to my Social Secretary. The section featured above makes my trip to the Dentist this afternoon seem like a festive outing. If there is anyone out there, male or female, who will volunteer to go through this biopsy for me, I will be pleased to hear from you. Money could change hands. … Kevin has just told me he is a good friend but not that good. He also said, in a state of shock having read the procedure, a number of things that I cannot report here but I suppose we are just a couple of drama queens together.

Tuesday, 21st February, 2023

The condemned man ate a hearty breakfast …. well, porridge and orange juice. My social secretary has reviewed the orders for today:

• Urine sample
• Covid Test
• INR test
• No Dairy Products after 11.00 am
• Take antibiotic at 2.00 pm
• Arrive at Worthing Urology Butchers’ Dept. at 2.45 pm
• Butchery begins at 3.00 – 3.30 pm.
• Released if not passing too much blood by 4.30 pm.
• Driven home and waited on hand and foot in perpetuity.
• Death Sentence pronounced within 10 days.

The first day after a death, the new absence
Is always the same; we should be careful
Of each other, we should be kind
While there is still time.Philip Larkin

Managed the sample. Looked beautiful. Covid Test was clear. INR test was very low at 1.0 so I won’t bleed to death when they cut me. I will drink orange juice after 11.00 am. I don’t have a problem with antibiotics. After that, the list gets a bit more problematic.

Well, it is all over. The guidance they sent and which I posted yesterday was so scary that the actuality was wonderful. I had three very attractive girls looking up my bum. No real pain. We listened to Puccini and talked about the Labour Party. They said I was a lovely patient which, of course, I was. Before I knew it, they were offering to help me put my pants back on and I left feeling pounds lighter. It will be about 10 days until I get my results.

Wednesday, 22nd February, 2023

Another grey, damp day. I’m going to see a lot of the Gym today. As I woke and reviewed the day ahead, two deadlines loomed into view. The Repair Shop have to contact me in the next few days to say whether they have repaired my iPad and the hospital have to contact me in the next few days to tell me if I have prostate cancer. Can’t quite decide which is most important. I’m absolutely lost without my iPad.

Still, I can buy a new iPad whereas a new prostate?? I don’t even know what a prostate is really and, until now, I’ve been too nervous to look it up. My wife knows all about bodies but despairs of explaining it to me. Never having studied Biology can have its advantages. Sublime ignorance allows one to lead a carefree life. At times like this, however, it can be like living in a strange, misty world of fear.

On the off chance that I am allowed to live a bit longer, financial security is very important. You never know when you’re going to need money. Is it too soon to start thinking about Funeral Plans? I’m going for the cheapest – Cardboard coffin, no mourners, no religious service. I don’t mind flowers if someone else is buying. I used to want a burial with a headstone for the sake of History but oblivion through cremation is what now appeals.

However, money is the topic. I have cash accounts paying about 3% interest but our bank has recently brought out a Regular Savings Account which pays double that. Admittedly, we can only hold £10,000 in it but that’s better than nothing. If the rates improve, I may go back into ISAs just to save tax. I think I’ve got too much time on my hands!

Thursday, 23rd February, 2023

An improving day which turned sunny and bright but wasn’t very warm. Heard from the iPad repairers that it will cost me £240.00 for what is essentially a spare charging socket which I could buy for £3.50.

Unfortunately, all the skill is in removing the glass screen without breaking it, cleaning the computer board, removing the old socket and micro-soldering in a new one. This is all quite beyond me and cost effective. A new one would cost me about £1600.00 so the repair on a relatively new machine is well worth it.

A few more days before I hear if my own body is recoverable or even worth saving. Expecting a phone call within two weeks to deliver the sentence. I’d certainly pay a great deal more for that to be resoldered.

Certainly got that phone call in the back of my mind as I go about the day. It rather colours each activity from walking outside in the Spring sunshine to exercising in the Gym, from shopping for food to researching new travels. I feel like I am marking time rather than moving forward. Life is all about new goals and achieving them but I’m struggling to focus at the moment. There are nice things lurking away in the background but, for now, pleasure is hard to grind out.

Actually, the day really came alive as we walked a familiar path. The trees are well into bud, the rabbits are out and frisky, the birds are singing very loudly from the tree tops.

And this evening, the planets are aligned in our village. The Moon, Jupiter and Venus in a straight line. Must mean something!

Friday, 24th February, 2023

A cold morning. Had the heating on at breakfast. That’s a rare event. It is fairly grey outside as well.

I have to chauffeur my Social Assistant to Worthing on a clothes shopping expedition. Not that I will be much help.

The shops are near the beach so I can’t resist a sniff of the sea even though an icy wind made it less enjoyable than usual.

I hate shopping for clothes with a passion but the bright warmth of the department store was almost preferable this morning. Shopping for clothes illustrates as much as anything the differences between the sexes. If I want something, I check a shop has it, go to the shop and buy it. If Pauline wants something, she consults 20 sales catalogues, 20 more websites, selects 10 different items, colours, sizes and then goes to the store.

When she gets there, she finds the item and holds it, rocking it backwards and forwards while simultaneously scanning the rails. She then walks round the store, holding the item that she came for but looking at every other item there. In the end, she will often forget the original and buy something completely different. What drives me mad is the indecision. I’m not a good shopping companion.

I love learning new things. Today it was paying a physical cheque in online. Don’t normally deal in cheques or hard cash but something strange happened when we bought a new car. Firstly, our insurance was £100.00 cheaper than for the identical but dirtier car that we were trading in. Absolutely no idea why. Next, we were provided with 12 months Road Fund Tax in the price of our new car and were entitled to 6 months remaining RFT from our old one. It arrived today in the form of a paper cheque for £77.50. With our banking app and smartphone camera, it’s as simple as photographing the cheque. Who needs banks?

Saturday, 25th February, 2023

Didn’t sleep well last night but woke to a reasonably bright morning. No earthquakes down here. I did sleep through one a few years ago in Yorkshire which my wife says rattled the garage doors. Those were the days when I slept soundly without concern.

Received a text this morning from my next door neighbour asking if I could help him out with his lawns. He runs a Building Firm. In fact, his firm built our house for David Wilson Homes. He is very proud of his lawns but doesn’t have much time to maintain them so, when he does, he cuts them so low he scalps them. They have a dog which wees on their front lawn and destroys it in patches. His lovely, skinny wife – an English Lit. lecturer – appeared at my door the other day to apologise for reversing over the grass when she came home tired after work. I didn’t make it easy for her!

Jason was offering to pay me to do the grass. Of course, I couldn’t contemplate that. I replied that I would happily bring his lawns back to life and he could just pay for the products but there would be a couple of things he should consider: selling the dog and banning his wife from driving. He immediately came back one better. He will discuss selling his wife and teaching the dog to drive. On that basis, I’ve agreed to help out.

I had just started to explore a June trip to Barcelona when the dreaded letter arrived. It confirmed that I have quite advanced prostate cancer. It is not clear to me what my prognosis is or what can be done to mitigate it but at least I now know.

Sunday, 12th February, 2023

Early start this morning. Rather gloomy and overcast outside and not warm either but I wanted to do a walk. Before we left the house, Little John the robot was started off on his tour of duty. He only cleans downstairs which has 7 rooms but he’s not allowed in the Utility Room.

Only one of those rooms is carpeted so the dust container shows how dirty our hard floors get as he goes out three times a week.

He takes about 45 mins to do downstairs. In each room, he does the bulk of the floor and then goes back and cleans along the walls. In order to go right out to the edge, a circulating brush protrudes and brings any dirt out and underneath his suction area. All the dust is pushed through a slatted filter with such force that it produces a matted material.

As soon as he’s finished, he returns to his base under the stairs, mounts the connectors and starts to recharge. At the same time, he alerts me to the fact that he has finished and reports any problems he encountered. He also tells me how much charge he has left in case I want to send him out again soon.

Upstairs, Little John’s Mate does the same thing. There are 6 rooms plus landing to cover up there and all but two are carpeted. He has less objects to negotiate upstairs than his friend downstairs so he completes rather more quickly.

We tend to set them off as we go out so we/they don’t get in the way. The one downside is, we can’t set the house alarm because it would be immediately triggered by these little bodies zooming round the floors.

While I was walking, Kevin contacted me to say that he’d read the Prostate Cancer article from The Times and everything would be alright. After all, as he pointed out, he is a doctor. Julie sent me photos of her allotment which, after a week, has been transformed from a rough, grassed area into a beautifully dug plot ready to plant. Of course, she didn’t do it herself. She sweet talked two old guys to do it for her. Well, she would, wouldn’t she?

Monday, 13th February, 2023

Lovely morning of sunshine but a much bigger one tomorrow. Can’t wait to see if I get a Valentine’s card. Preparing for it already. My exercise reached 8 miles yesterday so I am nearly back to full madness. Jobs today include trying to work out how to transfer Sat. Nav. data from the current car to the new one.

I can’t find a way to do it although it should be possible. Particularly, we want to save the European destination list but I am tearing my hair out trying to find a way.

I’m told that the new car will have an improved infotainment unit which will allow me to connect Google Maps through the car screen. I would like to be able to do that particularly abroad.

This old lady appeared on my computer yesterday. She is Margarita from Sifnos and she is the same age as me but I bet you she won’t be using a computer. Island life can be a hard life. Religion is still all pervasive particularly in her age group. I could never accept that.

Out walking, Kevin contacted me. He had only just got up at 11.00 am. When I chastised him, he told me he had been up half the night watching the American Superbowl. I had considered it myself but was too tired. Later, another very old lady phoned asking for help because her email had stopped working on her iPad.

As we explored the remedies over the phone, it became apparent that it had stopped working on her iPhone as well. As we gradually inched towards a resolution, I learned that she had changed her password on her BT account yesterday. All that was left to do was to talk a partially sighted old lady through the multi-layered and quite tricky process of changing her password on the machines. She managed it though.

Tuesday, 14th February, 2023

The start of a special day. Happy Valentine’s Day dear reader. The sun is up. The sky is blue … all the rest is up to you. Actually, it’s quite cold here – only 1C/34F – but lovely. Apparently, the North is going to be carpeted in Saharan Dust today. Don’t want that down here because ….

Why is it a special day? Because we pick up the new car this afternoon which is always an enjoyable experience. Love the smell and tight feel of a new car. This morning, I have to clear all our personal possessions out and clean off the sat.nav. All the paperwork was signed digitally last night and the cherished numberplate has been put on the new car. The transfer will be completely painless. It will include a full tank of petrol for me and a bouquet of flowers for Pauline. Actually, it should be the other way round.

The tradition is that we pick up a new car and drive to France to start its life. Unfortunately, I’ve got the hangman’s noose over me at the moment and, until that’s settled, I’m not going anywhere. A week today is my biopsy but I will have a couple of weeks to wait for the results. What will I do then?

It is strange how different people react. If the verdict is good, I will probably open a bottle of wine and book a trip. If, as I expect, the verdict is not good, my instinct is not, like some people, to start fulfilling a ‘bucket list’ of ambitions. Mine will be to hunker down, retreat into myself and prepare for the inevitable. Being optimistic, we could be walking on Wimereux Beach in March/April time. Being pessimistic, I could be organising my finances.

On the more important side, we took delivery this morning of our 3rd digital kettle in 3 weeks. Consider it a Valentine’s present for a 72 yr old. Each one has been a ‘variable temperature kettle’. The first one stopped working after a couple of weeks. The second one worked fine until it reached 100C when it just continued to boil and turned the kitchen into a Turkish Bath …. I imagine. We have gradually moved up the price range from £50.00 through £80.00 to this 3rd one at £130.00.

The old saying that you get what you pay for is definitely borne out in kettle purchase, dear reader, if you’re thinking of it. This latest one is German made by Carrera – a company I’ve never heard of. You can tell immediately the quality of construction and operation. Reassuringly, it offers a 3 yr warranty. I’ll be 75 before I buy a new kettle. Look forward to it.

We were at Honda at 3.30 pm to collect our new car. It was outside gleaming in its new metal coat. I got my bouquet of flowers and Pauline got a tank of petrol which said it would do 625 miles before refilling. Probably not the way I drive but I am trying to be gentler. Its first trip wasn’t to the beaches of France but to Sainsburys for some milk. Story of my life!

Wednesday, 15th February, 2023

Didn’t sleep well last night. Went to bed late and woke at 4.00 am when my leg went absolutely rigid with the pain of extreme cramp. It is one of the effects of getting back to my full exercise routine and makes me feel old. Leaping (struggling) out of bed at 7.00 am, I opened the blinds and said, It’s very foggy this morning. and then I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and realised it was clear, bright and sunny outside. Do you ever feel old, Dear Reader?

Driving up to Surrey this morning to help a very, very old lady sort her iPad out to do Facetime video calling. Yes, some very, very old people do try to keep up with new technology. I’m sure it helps to ward off dementia and keeps the brain more alert. What day is it? I am beset by old ladies!

Anyway, before we drive off into the sunshine, I have to set the car up. We have to fix two, different seating positions for driving. These are tied to each of our keys and sets the seats as we open the door. It is also set on the door with buttons. The Owner’s Guide runs to 450 pages and nothing is easy to find.

I have to redo the preset stations for the DAB Radio. The mechanics seem obsessed with Radio Sussex and 1BTN. I had to look it up. It is a specialist ‘Indie’ radio station from Brighton. I want Radio 4. I have to set the steering wheel tilt and the reversing method on the rear camera. I have to set our home position on the sat.nav and P&C’s home postcode we’re driving to. I’ve also got to do part of my exercise routine before we go. The obsessive has to be satisfied.

… well, at least that’s one old lady’s problems sorted out. Lovely drive up to Surrey in the new car. C&P’s iPad and iPhone Facetime problems sorted out. The weather has been beautiful – 16C/61F – and Springlike. The birds think so anyway. The road from Sussex into Surrey is really lovely and especially so in the sunshine. (Am I sounding old?)

I came home thinking about the fact that I would be in hospital next Tuesday and I have to stop taking Warfarin tomorrow until they cut me open in case I bleed to death on the table. As if by a process of osmosis, this charity knew I had a problem and decided to warn me of my fate. They are right to draw attention to it. Makes it even more important to achieve my goals. We are going out for another walk and then I am going to cook Linguine Marinara for Dinner. I’ll enjoy doing that.

Thursday, 16th February, 2023

A grim, grey morning of that horrible soft, wetting rain. It started even worse for me. Nobody’s day should start with insults but mine did.

Not only was the weather hurling insults down but the IT Gods were also. I plug my iPad in every night and just start using it over breakfast in the morning. I had a little accident yesterday. Trying not to drink wine, I had a glass of disgusting, non-alcoholic grape juice. I hate it normally and I hate it even more now. I knocked it over my iPad – it is a large iPad Pro with keyboard case – and, although my maid wiped it clean, this morning I found it had failed to charge over night.

I plugged it in but there was clearly something wrong with the charging point. So I researched the net for answers. I tried everything they suggested but without success so I’ve got to seek help. Found a shop called Laptop Workshop some 5 miles away and took it out to them. I thought it would be a simple, while-you-wait solution. Sorry, Sir. These things are very difficult and often impossible to fix. It could be up to two weeks before we know. I asked if they couldn’t speed it up and do it in the next 10 mins but their faces were stony.

What am I going to do? I am in despair! A new one will cost me £1600.00 so I will claim on the insurance. That will teach me. I should have been drinking red wine after all.

Friday, 17th February, 2023

Must have been very tired. Something very unusual happened this morning. I didn’t get up until 7.50 am!! Immediately felt lazy. According to my Blog, the last time I did that was this day exactly 2 years ago. Spooky. Once every two years is just about acceptable, I suppose. In the Gym at the moment I’m watching a Drama called The Devil’s Hour in which the central character wakes up every night at exactly 3.33 am which is also known as the devil’s hour. Still, it is helping me through 9 miles a day now. I’m not obsessive!

While I was there, my Blog informed me that two years ago tomorrow is a very significant occasion. Amongst other things, we had our first Covid vaccination and we still haven’t been infected … yet.

Opened my computer to this photo this morning. Was last there about 60 years ago. It was one of our family Sunday afternoons out in the countryside. At the time I really didn’t appreciate it but now …. I think it’s beautiful.

It’s a bit like gardening. Dad had the Dig for Victory enthusiasm although he got his employees to do much of the hard labour for him. He tried to get me interested in growing lots of different vegetables. I hated it. Now, 58 years after he died, I love it. Julie keeps sending me photos of seed potatoes and broad bean plants for her allotment and I’m actually quite jealous.

Kevin contacted me with warm words this afternoon. He is constantly trying to reassure me about the potential of cancer in the prostate. He knows no more than me but it is nice to hear his encouragement.

The MEN this morning announced an incredible statistic. Apparently, 70% of all homes in Bolton and Rochdale are Band A & B for council tax. Band B there is about £1,200 a year. We are in Band F for quite an ordinary house. We are going to be paying £3,100 a year. Think we’ll just have to move back North! The trouble is it’s so cold up there.

Saturday, 18th February, 2023

Another bad night. Woke up at 4.00 am and had to get up. I had a cup of tea and wrote for a while.

Starting the countdown to the death sentence on Tuesday by taking this drug which has interesting side effects. Apparently, they can include extended erections for up to 4 hours. As Pauline says, You probably won’t notice any difference then.

We have another Estate Agent’s flyer through our door imploring us to have a valuation and extolling the virtue of a sale in this buoyant market. Values seem to be holding up extremely well in spite of increased interest rates. This is an expensive area to purchase property. Just an ordinary house is out of the ambit of many people.

I was reading that Boris Johnson had just agreed to pay £4 million for the above property with tennis court and 5 acres. Just across the road from our house is the property below with less grounds and less bedrooms although it does have an indoor pool. It is on the market for £9 million.

We are often tempted to sell, trade down and take a big profit but who wants to downsize really? I certainly wouldn’t live in either of these two properties even if I could afford them. I like modern, preferably new-build properties with all mod-cons not draughty, old places with centuries old insulation and archaic heating systems.

Sunday, 5th February, 2023

Lovely, sunny day which is useful because I’ve got jobs outside to do today. We will be meeting the Honda sales team tomorrow morning. It will involve valuing our car and trying to sell us a new one. Important jobs this morning include valeting the car so it is presented at its best tomorrow but first I am seeking a market valuation guidance to go armed with.

There are so many online purchasers now that valuations are easy and keen. I was pleased to find that there was reasonable consensus around £33,500 which gives me strengthened bargaining power…

…. It’s 2.30 pm. I’ve been working for about 3 hrs and the car looks so good even I’d buy it again. It is a gleaming example of Japanese quality. I’m not gleaming. I’m shattered and now I have to do my Gym workout. At least I have a gripping, WW2 drama to watch. On Sky Movies, I’m watching Colin Firth and Penelope Wilton in a true story about a counter intelligence running a plan involving a ruse to persuade the Germans that they were about to defend Greece whereas they were really concentrating on Sicily. Entitled Operation Mincemeat, it’s central character is a corpse. You’d love it!

In the Gym, I’ve got myself back up to 7 miles a day for the past 10 days. I’m getting it back but slowly. When you’re in the maelstrom of illness, you don’t always appreciate the severity of your condition. To be honest with you, for quite a while I was out of it completely. It is only now that Pauline tells me how worried she was for my existence. At least someone is. When I complain how long it is taking me to return to full strength, she reminds me how ill I was.

My Windows PC opens with new photos each morning. Today it was this wonderful snap of tree trunks. Click on it to open it fully. I absolutely love it. Hope you do to.

Monday, 6th February, 2023

The lovely morning of gorgeous sunshine started with an early call from the Hospital Urology Investigation Team. I have an appointment for February 21st. I could even pick my own time slot out of 3 in the afternoon. I chose the earliest to get it over as quickly as possible.

Then out to Honda just 5 minutes away. I parked our car, gleaming in the sunshine, right in front of the salesman’s desk. It looked so good, he didn’t even bother to go out and check it over which was a pity because I had done a wonderful job on the interior.

Honda showrooms are always quiet, with respectful sales staff sitting quietly at desks, using their computers as shiny, new cars make their own statement. The salesman today is one who has already sold us two new cars over the past 5 years and he already knows he will sell us another one today. We also know that he will come up with an attractive enough proposition that we will buy one today.

He has the cars in the country and available for delivery in about 2 weeks. He offers a Honda incentive of £1,500.00 off the list price plus 5 years ‘free’ servicing. He will handle all the transfer of the ‘cherished numberplate’ that we have used for 25 years.

Most important of all, he has the colour we (I) want – modern steel metallic. It cost £670.00 more but we have driven silver cars for years and I decided it was time for a change. It may be a bit too garish and bright for you, Dear Reader, but the condemned man gets to choose.

As the salesman went into a flurry of paperwork, urgent phone calls, form filling for the DVLA, etc, we shook hands and left with this folder. The car should be available just before I hear of my fate from the hospital.

Tuesday, 7th February, 2023

Glorious blue sky but … we’ve got frost. Athens, of course, had snow yesterday but weather is certainly changing.

Julie’s off to a party. Kevin’s out on his bike. I’ve been scanning some old photos of a friend. She wants to send them to people. Past & Past in a nutshell!

The permanent globe trotter, Dave Roberts, is in Australia now. I’m never going to keep up with that.

Looked a bit stormy over Sydney Harbour yesterday. Even so, I would have liked to have been there for the experience. I had to make do with Littlehampton Marina. Mind you, it was a lovely day and remarkably warm.

Still got an hour to do in the Gym before Dinner. Pauline’s cooking Stuffed Peppers tonight which I love. We are both on a strict regime of no alcohol, no carbs and full exercise routine. It’s always hard getting back into the straightjacket of self discipline but it has to be done.

Wednesday, 8th February, 2023

Another cold start to the morning with some frost on the ground. Beautiful sky. Drink in the bright colours. First job this morning is moving money around for the new car which is only a couple of weeks away. Always hurts to take money out of a savings/investment account. I am dedicated to increasing not depleting it. Re-reading the paperwork, the salesman has got the details of our current, trade-in car wrong again. This will be the 4th car we have bought from him since 2016 and he’s lazily just accessed the details of the 2016 car by mistake. I think he did that last time as well. It all needs to be put right before the forms go off to the DVLA.

Our ‘landline’ phones were converted to digital VOIP status over a year ago by BT. This morning, they are unusable because of severe interference. There is nothing wrong with our broadband service so I need to contact BT to find out how to deal with it. Why isn’t life simple? For months, we have been concerned that a couple of kitchen doors were showing bubbling in the paintwork on the edges. The suppliers Symphony Kitchens agreed to supply and fit new doors.

Twice now, the company have sent replacement doors and twice they have been the wrong size. Twice they have booked a fitter and twice they have cancelled him. On each occasion, they don’t want the doors back. Keep them or throw them away, we are told. They are for our kitchen and would fit elsewhere so we (or whoever lives here) will have replacements for the next 20 years but we are left having to rebook, re-receive deliveries and make new arrangements for the fitter. It is incompetence and costly .. for them. Mind you, they are from Barnsley so …!

We are regularly being told to beware the growing threat of Chinese technology which has built in spyware. Phones, televisions, Fridge/Freezers, etc all have computer board controllers which can be engineered to monitor you in your dressing gown, what you are doing and who with.

A couple of weeks ago, we bought some very expensive, Egyptian Cotton bed linen. Pauline had to buy an extra sheet to cut up and make pillow cases because the standard ones don’t fit our huge pillows. In doing so, she cut off the manufacturers tab. Of course they were made … in China and each tab on each sheet and Quilt cover contained one of these specifically sewn in to the fabric. They are circuit board chips. Were they spying on me in bed? I can’t say I blame them!

Our landline is working again after I contacted BT and I didn’t speak to a single human being. I searched the BT website, was told to send a text with my phone number and the word HELP and a web bot told me it would refresh my Office hub remotely and then reconnect my phone system to the net. A bot is a software application that is programmed to do certain tasks. Bots are automated, which means they run according to their instructions without a human being intervening. True to its word, we were up and working 5 mins later.

Thursday, 9th February, 2023

A dull but mild start to the day. After juice/tea/coffee and porridge, we have to do our monthly test for the Office for National Statistics Covid-19 Infection Survey. They only pay us £40.00 each month now instead of £50.00 but it’s the act that counts.

Mouth and nose swab is the easy part. Next we have to elicit a phial of blood from our finger. Over the sink in the kitchen, we soak our hand in hot water and then jab one finger with a sharp, medical lance. Over the next 5 minutes and squeezing the flesh hard, blood flows and has to be scraped into the little glass pot until it is full. I collapse at the sight of blood so I have to get a friend to squeeze my finger but she tells me it flows well.

Next we have to access the website to answer some straight forward questions about the test procedure and our current health and then parcel up the swab and the phial of blood and take it to a Priority Mailbox in the village. We are sent a voucher for £40.00 which we convert into a Sainsbury’s voucher online and go out and spend it. We get back two results – Covid Infection = yes/no and Antibody Level = High/Moderate/Low. We both have no Covid and have never had it and our Antibody Level is High. It is always good to know as the infection levels in our area soared recently.

Our new pool is rapidly taking shape. It is hard to imagine Florida weather without one but this is going to be great. We may even let M&K use it as well … when we’re not there.

Friday, 10th February, 2023

I have started the day as a chauffeur. Pauline is having her hair cut and the parking is difficult. It is a beautiful day but the strong sun makes driving quite difficult. The strobe effect through the trees is the hardest part. Good job I’m not epileptic.

I spent much of last night haunted by my past. It was painful, emotional. To be so far away and yet I chose it. When we left West Yorkshire where we lived for 35 years, I embraced a new future in the South. Yes, I missed the North and its moors, I missed the people but I was moving forward. For the first few years the landscapes of West Yorkshire and Lancashire formed the backdrop to my dreams. The accents, the dialects played the soundtrack. The stone walls and buildings loomed large in my imagination.

As you will know, Dear Reader, all things fade and we get on with our lives. New landscapes/seascapes start to appear normal, everyday, comfortable and the nagging memory of the past is pushed away. But, with me, the past constantly bleeds back into my memory. The last few days have seen just that.

We never watched Happy Valley when it was shown on TV. Sarah Lancashire, an Oldham girl who was educated at Hulme Grammar School, plays the central character of the drama. Suddenly, the last episode of the final series was lauded by so many on the media that we thought we should try it. I downloaded Series 1, Episode 1 from 2014 and we were hooked. Although it is set in Halifax and we lived in Huddersfield, so many familiar scenes came back instantly.

Of course I know that we cannot go back to our past. We all grow and move on but that is not an excuse to shun it completely. I love to revisit … places, people, to touch them and remind myself of what went before, what made me the person I am now, to understand time and distance is only a construct which can be broken down in an instant if we only will.

Just as a foot note: Sarah Lancashire was married to a lad called Gary Hargreaves for a decade. He was Pauline’s former boyfriend. Fame at last!

Saturday, 11th February, 2023

To sleep, perchance to dream ..

My Prostate biopsy is on Tuesday, 21st February. I am expecting the worst while hoping for the best. I have no real idea even what the biopsy entails …. well I didn’t until this scary item appeared.

Just as I was going to bed last night, the Saturday Times arrived with this article. It is a shocking and quite long read but worth it if you want to know the potential nightmare for about 20% of the male population. At 11.45 pm, I had to read it but wished I hadn’t.

Of course, there is nothing I can do about it. I must have the biopsy and I must live/die with the consequences but I resent it. I want another 28 years+ and I have much to do in that time. I accept, I deserve it. I have been reckless with my lifestyle and many have warned me of the dangers. I am obstinate in all things and I deserve my fate.

Ironically, my fitness levels are returning fast now. I am back to 7 miles a day and 10 will not be far away. The mild, dry weather drew us outside today for a walk in the Spring air. The mornings are light and the sun is going down later.

Snowdrops are flowering profusely in our village and even daffodils are opening up. The strange dichotomy between a personal death sentence and the emergence of new life in the natural world makes me so sad. At times like this, I retreat deep into myself. My wife never understands it but it is the only way I know to deal with personal threat. I have to fight it alone.

Sunday, 29th January, 2023

Quite a grey, cool day. Although the temperature is 9C/48F, it still feels quite cool. Sunday is a politics day. My Mother is turning in her grave. She scoffed at the idea of supermarkets opening on a Sunday. She wouldn’t believe that it is now one of the most popular for shopping. For me, the political week starts on a Sunday. The interviews start on Sky with Sophie Ridge.

The same people do the rounds. Today, it was greasy Gove. He was totally unconvincing in his defence of Zahawee. By the time he got to the BBC studios  to be interviewed by Laura Kuenssberg, Zahawee had been sacked and Gove looked even more oily.

There will be many who are totally oblivious to all this turmoil. They send out for their Daily Mail/Express and are quite prepared to believe the headlines and the pictures that hit them. Those that can read will be thinking differently.

We now know that there are dozens of senior civil servants who have complained about the bullying of Raab and the explosive revelation this week of a leaked N10 document showing that Boris Johnson was warned not to continue seeking financial advice from Richard Sharp who he shortly appointed as Chairman of the BBC. Equally, Sharp wrote to all BBC employees telling them he had never advised Johnson on finances. Both were lying and both are in trouble.

Sunak has to explain why breaking the Ministerial Code means Zahawee has to be sacked for the ‘crime’ but Braverman doesn’t require the same punishment. All of this, of course, will pass the average Mail/Express picture browser by. Do they even know who these characters are?

Monday, 30th January, 2023

A relatively mild night and start to the day. We didn’t fall below 8C/47F. I woke up feeling empty – not physically but emotionally. It has been a week since I learnt that they had found something on my prostate scan which would require a biopsy but I haven’t got a date yet. That is hanging over me like a black cloud.

Hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts

I am an inveterate list maker. I love to wake to a list of tasks for the day. Things to achieve over the next 24 hrs. When I woke this morning, my first thought was, Must put the Black Bin out. What sort of life is that? I have nothing on my agenda. The calendar is blank for the day. I hate it.

Over breakfast, I have got to create jobs. I am going to split my exercise in to two, separate sessions in the Gym. I’m going to tidy the garden (What am I saying???). I am going to set the two robots off on their tasks. I am going to try to repair an old, colour laser printer which is producing poor quality copy. I am going to talk to my friends in the North. Can it get more exciting than this?

Even the French Drama Series I’m watching in the Gym isn’t really gripping me. It should be. The subject matter is fascinating. In English, Netflix title it, Women at War although the French original is just, Les Combattantes or The Fighters. The drama deals with the German invasion of France in the First World War, the terrible casualties of the men sent out to the trenches at the Front and the women back home suddenly realising that they no longer had to remain domesticated at home but were needed to replace the men.

I am already enamoured of Sofia Essaïdi who plays a central part in the drama. She is French Moroccan born in Casablanca -how exotic is that? Her part is replacing her father in running the family factory producing Trucks. Pre-1914, it would have been no place for a woman but now there is no other option. The women struggle against prejudice but soon learn the skills both managerial and mechanical which is why the world was never the same when the men came home from the war.

Tuesday, 31st January, 2023

As January comes to a close, have you noticed how quickly the days are lengthening already? It is noticeably lighter in the mornings which ought to make me more optimistic but I don’t feel that. Something sad is niggling away. I don’t feel particularly old but I will be 72 soon. This morning I learned that my PSA test – Prostate Antigen – was 7.0 which is apparently a sure sign of cancer and makes me sad.

So many of my friends are in the same situation. I was talking to John Morris this morning. He is 72 today. He is feeling his age because he has had hip and knee replacements recently but so many of the group echo the sentiments on this tee-shirt.

We really have been the fortunate generation. We own our homes which have soared in value. We retired at young ages – well many of us. Pauline & I were still just 57 when we left to enjoy a life of ‘playing out’. We have good, protected and inflation-proofed pensions which allow us to travel and enjoy comfortable retirements. The generation before us seemed to accept old age whereas we increasingly resist it.

I was sent this photo from 1972 which features the Students Union reps. I never got involved in that sort of stuff preferring to be on the outside looking in but I knew all these people. They all look very different now as I do but it is not what you look like but what you are like that counts so I fail on both counts.

If things hadn’t gone wrong, we would have landed back at Gatwick Airport from Tampa at 8.45 this morning. It’s a pity but this PSA test wouldn’t have happened so soon if I hadn’t so it may turn out to be fortunate if the problem is caught early.

Wednesday, 1st February, 2023

New month. Hope you are happy and enjoy February 2023. Up early and by 6.30 am had already spoken to Kevin. Good to have him back in my life. He is very supportive. Driving up to Surrey this morning and that will include the M25 at rush hour on a day when there are no trains.

Optimism for the future is sometimes in short supply. Gardening is a process which relies on and implies optimism for the future. There is little point in preparing ground, sowing seeds or planting if you don’t expect to live to see the result. I tidied up the raised beds and lawn a couple of days ago and caught myself planning things for the Spring. Julie told me yesterday that she had just acquired an allotment plot in North Yorkshire and sent me photographs over Whatsapp.

A lot of hard work needed to get it in shape but it will be lots of fun doing it. If we were in UK consistently enough, I would consider an allotment myself but they are too tying and demanding. I’m not ready for that yet. Might have to go up and see Julie’s though.

Just had a three hour round trip through rush hour to take C to St Peters Hospital in Chertsey for what turned out to be a 10 mins appointment. Home in time for a session in the Gym this afternoon.

Thursday, 2nd February, 2023

Yesterday, amongst all the other dire warnings, there was one that appeared in a number of newspapers but which struck me particularly.

Warning as popular food and drink ‘increase your risk of dying from cancer by up to 30%’ … Ultra-processed foods such as sliced bread, breakfast cereals, fizzy pop and ready meals have long been singled out for their high levels of salt, fat, sugar and artificial additives.

The Mirror – 1/2/2023

It is ironic really because I am facing a potential cancer verdict myself and yet we have made a life’s mantra of avoiding processed foods. I would say that 95% of our diet is based on fresh ingredients cooked at home.

I was thinking about that as we assembled the weekly shopping list. For a while, we have been eating a roast chicken at the weekend with home made sage & onion stuffing. Gone are the days of the £3.00 chicken. We decided long ago to go for quality and ignore the price. A Norfolk Black chicken from Sainsburys costs around £16.00 – £20.00 and will make two meals plus stock for the future. It is very economical. It also clearly tastes better than cheap chicken

We certainly didn’t eat processed foods in my family as a child. My mother prided herself on cooking fresh things each day. Unfortunately, she wasn’t a brilliant cook like the one I have now. Once you have tasted Pauline’s food, you wouldn’t want to go out to eat or buy ready meals to bring home.

Just finished the French Drama Series, Les Combattantes, and had to get off the treadmill to mop the tears from the gym floor. It was horrendously sad as the two, long lost lovers reunited in the fog of war and were killed as their hands and eyes met. I am too soft for such sadness.

Friday, 3rd February, 2023

I’ve received a letter from the Urology Depart to say that it may be some weeks before I am called for my biopsy. A bit worrying but, with rolling strikes in the Health Service and GPs now balloting to join them, it is what I can expect. It may, of course, be a positive thing if they don’t think it so urgent after viewing the scan.

Just getting on with the day. What are you doing? What can anyone do? With Bank Rate going up to 4% yesterday, I’m hoping that savings accounts are improved very soon. Keep checking the best rates tables.

I start the day by reading the newspapers – The Telegraph, The Times, The Independent and The Guardian – and I’ve got subscriptions to the first two. I can get into the others freely and then, if I have time, I browse the colour comics – The Mail, The Express and The Mirror. They are free because … well, who would pay for them?

Each morning I’m sent updates by the Manchester Evening News and particularly for Rochdale and Oldham and from the Huddersfield Examiner so I follow them up during the day.

I am putting on weight and eating and drinking too much. Think I’m trying to drown my sorrows but I’ve got to get a grip. Going in the Gym is not enough. Got to make a plan!

Saturday, 4th February, 2023

I wrote on Monday about having to make lists of jobs to motivate myself. Well, the car is cleaned; the garden is tidied, the house is clean and tidy. What can I tick off next? It would be nice to say life was tidy but there are so many loose ends that I have to address. I will get there. You can be assured but they need more work. I never give up how ever much I flounder.

The big job today, along with my exercise routine and watching the 6-Nations Rugby, is sorting out the Office. Yesterday, I threw out the colour laser printer. I bought it 7 years ago just as we moved here. We took it to the tip. The new one I bought recently is far superior. As soon as I moved the cabinet it was sitting on, my friend moved in with the cleaning equipment. As you will know, she is cleaning mad while I am tidiness obsessed.

Today, I am sorting out the bookcases. Most books now go unread. Everything is digital. Some of the very elderly, I know, still take paper books to bed with them but what else is there? What I have still got with me are memories that I have carried from place to place – not willing to let go. Above is the book I chose as my prize for Literature student in the Sixth Form at Grammar School. Could you get more exciting and sexy than this?

It is followed by Deus Nobiscum – God with us – the motto of my Grammar School which was founded in 1520. My Dad went there in the 1930s. I left in 1969. It closed in 1972. It just couldn’t go on without me. The book was written by my old music teacher. She had huge bosoms but we knew her as Fanny Radford.

The third book is worth a fortune and is the history of my home village, Repton – the capital of Mercia. Chester thought it was special. It had nothing on Repton! It was a present to my Dad from his Auntie Kesssie over 60 years ago. I had to fight my siblings for it. I won!

Time moves on. I move away from my village and my family. I make new friends. Some support me and some don’t. My friends, Kevin & Chris, are rocks at a time of tempest. I don’t even understand their appreciation of my friendship. I saw it as all one way. I sucked up their support.

Even so, in 1976, as I was completing my BA Degree with a course on 20th Century Poetry, they bought me an anthology of Thomas Hardy’s poetry. I was moved by the gesture and inscription. It has travelled with me throughout the rest of my life.

I have my own leather-bound Masters thesis on the works of Professor R.H. Tawney which I’ve featured before but the other item on my bookcase which is so significant in my life is that chronicling our Greek lives on Sifnos spanning 30 years. It was a major part of our lives and, although I created a website for it at the time, it just had to be recorded in a hard copy.

How time flies. It is 8 years in July that we sold our house and left our island for the last time. In doing so, we just managed to reclaim our investment before the Greek economy imploded. It has allowed us to enjoy a comfortable retirement.

Even so, it is great to have this memory as ours become a little hazier than we would like.