Month: July 2023

Sunday, 23rd July, 2023

Heavy rain overnight has left the world looking and smelling fresh and clean. It is exactly what we needed and now the sun is out to highlight the changes. Got a busy week with a trip to Brighton tomorrow for a CT Scan, a funeral of a neighbour to attend and a number of other jobs to complete. This is what living the high life looks like!

Even going to cut the lawns today. Don’t want you to hold your breath but I’ve bought a new, half-moon, lawn edger. If you want the title of boring boy, this is the way to cement it.

You know that you’re old when you meet yourself coming back. This morning, two lads who I taught as 12 yr olds in 1972 posted a photo of themselves out rock climbing together yesterday. Friends from Primary School, they are still close friends after 55 years and I can still see the youth in their faces.

One of my adopted girls is 44 this week. Emma worked for me in school as a pupil and I engineered a relationship for her with another of my favourite lads in Yr.11. We used to take them out on holiday trips to Blackpool, Scarborough, etc at a time which I can fix by a pop song that they liked. My car never heard pop songs but they insisted and I gave in. We all sang:

Because you’re gorgeous
I’d do anything for you
Because you’re gorgeous
I know you’ll get me throughSong by Babybird – 1996

If only it were true! Obviously, I over-engineered the relationship because they only lasted another year and then Emma married another ex-pupil, Peter. They are still happily together 25 years on. Emma contacted me a few days ago to find out how I was. Nice people. There are nice people in the world.

Monday, 24th July, 2023

Hot and sticky morning of what could be a significant day for me. In the past, some men might go to Brighton for a Dirty Weekend, others would go to provide evidence for a divorce when Infidelity was the only option. Boring Boy that I am, my reason for visiting Brighton is to get my bits scanned. After blood test results, I am a bit more confident that there won’t be bad news lurking in the grainy, black & white photos. I’m going to ask for a copy for my Blog. My wife says I won’t get it. We’ll see!

This cancer thing is so terrible that it’s surprising solutions haven’t been found earlier. I read yesterday that Jeremy Hunt has skin cancer and his brother and both parents all died of different cancers.

This morning it has been announced that the lovely George Alagiah, BBC journalist and newsreader has died aged 67. He had been diagnosed with bowel cancer and, at one point last year, thought he had beaten it. He started reading the BBC News again but it re-emerged as the cancer spread to his liver and lymph nodes and he has gone at just 67. I don’t often feel sad for people I have never met but, in his case, I knew him intellectually, as a good man and I am shocked by his loss.

In Leeds, Kevin has got out of his Man-Shed and it’s dry but too late for the Test Match. I’ve been out for a 2hr walk because it will be a long day in the hospital. I have to drink 2 litres of water before I go to ‘hydrate my body’. I ask you, who can drink 2 litres of water? I find it hard enough to drink 2 litres of wine! 2 litres of water is a terrifying prospect.

Don’t know why but this was reposted by one of the girls who was in the year before me at College. She posted the whole final photo in sections and, of course, I understand why this section stood out with the beauty of the central character. Pity Kevin spoilt it but you can’t have everything. I noticed that there were a few people I knew who were missing. Talked to Julie about it yesterday because she wasn’t on it. She said she deliberately missed it. I’m glad to have a record.

Tuesday, 25th July, 2023

Slept heavily after a stressful day. My appointment with the radiographers had been brought forward from Tuesday to Monday because of this:

I had done a 2hr walk in the morning and, duly showered and scrubbed up, set off for the hospital at 1.00 pm. It is an hour’s drive in normal conditions and my appointment was 3.00 pm.. I was told to hydrate by drinking 2 ltrs of water before getting to the Brighton Radiology Department. Of course, I was forced to do as I’m told by my wife. What followed is a prime example of why you should never listen to your wife.

Everything went well until we hit the town centre which turned out to be inexplicably CLOSED. We now know that there had been a serious fire in a beachside hotel and traffic was being redirected through narrow streets. Brighton in Summer is like central London on steroids. It was incredibly busy and we sat in queues for what seemed like a lifetime. The hour leeway we had allowed ourselves was whittled down to 15 mins but sat.nav., eventually, got us there … by which time I was screaming with a bladder full of 2 ltrs of water.

Arrival at the hospital was a blessed release and the radiographers we met were absolutely delightful but they were trying to cram two day’s work into one and my appointment was delayed by almost an hour. I was immediately presented with an enema stick to shove up my bum and squeeze a release of goo. I was also presented with a box of 20 additional enema sticks to administer every morning before I go for my radiology sessions. I do want to lose weight!

I don’t know how you feel about tattoos. I hate them. I think they look awful. I have spent 72 years avoiding tattoos and people with tattoos and now … I have 3!! It came as a complete shock to be told that I would be indelibly tattooed. The CT scan was ordered to scan the area which would be targeted by radiotherapy in October. It was laying down gridlines of my body to precisely target the prostate without damaging other organs. My feet were in fixed stocks. My head was fixed in place and then tattoos were engraved on each hip and somewhere in between. It didn’t hurt … much.

Now I’m down with the bad boys! I did ask for seagulls or hearts-with-initials but I was told the style was pre-ordained. Eventually, I was done and I drove home through Brighton & Hove rush hour traffic. A day which should have been completed in 2.5 hours actually took around 6 hours door to door.

When you don’t have cancer, it is just a terrible condition you hope will never visit you. When you get cancer, the whole structure of your life changes. You research the words of cancer that were previously abstract. You go to see Cancer Clinicians where you rub up alongside other cancer sufferers. You are inducted uncomfortably into the cancer world. Now it may be that my condition will be beaten and the terrible word will recede into the mists of time but so many people who suffer from it, get over it only for it to return somewhere else and more aggressively.

A friend with experience of cancer told me I would adjust and accept my condition. I won’t and can’t. I have almost dismissed it from my days other than the effects of the drugs. I may be in denial. George Alagiah, BBC journalist and newsreader who died of bowel cancer yesterday aged 67, said he had learned so much about the people who loved him and the importance of time left with them. He would never have wished the condition on himself but he was grateful for the experiences of love and support it had condensed into a much shorter timeframe that he didn’t take for granted. Such a pity that it takes a death sentence like that to fully appreciate life. Of course, it can encourage you to be boring as well.

Wednesday, 26th July, 2023

Lovely, warm and sunny day. I want to go out walking but I’ve got lots of niggling things to clear first. My Blog is read by about 1500 people a month. I pay quite a lot to a company, Ionos, who host it on their platform.

Some time ago, my Blog went down and I panicked that I had lost over a decade of my life’s records. They got it back up eventually but, by then, I had leased another site to backup the first one. The backup of my Blog is read by about 500 readers each month as well. At the weekend, my Backup Blog stopped working.

Over the past week or so, I have been moving (relatively) large amounts of money around from my Bank accounts to Savings/Investment accounts. I use both online banking methods and Banking apps on my phone and iPad. Suddenly, it stopped working. I phoned Nat.West.. Fortunately, it was not caused by Farage. He would never be in my bank. Their Technical Department worked out that it was a browser problem and I’ve solved it by installing Google Chrome as well as my standard MS Edge. Suddenly the clouds fell away and light shone across all operations. If only all problems could be so easy to solve!

Maybe a trip up to Manchester could be on the cards. Always looking for something to pay a good return on investment. This was sent to me yesterday:

It guarantees 7.0% on investment for 10 years. 7% until I’m 82 years old! Give me a good excuse to visit Manchester regularly. The 7% is in addition to capital value increase. Worth exploring!

One of the other things I’ve got to do is fend off my GP service who are desperate to counsel me about my cancer. I really don’t want that but they keep coming back to it. I will deal with it myself but I’ve got to find a polite way to repel their offers of help. They keep ringing me. I keep putting them off. I have to speak to them directly and firmly without being rude. Tough ask for me. Now I’ve got three tattoos, I can do anything! As a Bad Boy, I don’t care who I hurt.

A couple of years ago, the lovely Dee, our Australasian-Bavarian neighbour gave us a present of a Calla Lily (Zantedeschia). It is a deep, sexy aubergine, mauve. This year it is just starting to flower again. Let’s hope I will!

Thursday, 27th July, 2023

Wonder of wonders … we have rain. It is so unusual to look out and see the world soaking wet. At 9.00 am, it’s still coming down. I’m going to be spending more time in the Gym than outside.

At the moment, I’m watching an infuriatingly boring/funny/clever drama called Detectorists on Netflix although it was originally made for BBC and stars Mackenzie Crook and Toby Jones. I must admit I wish I hadn’t started it but, now, I have to finish it even though there are 3 series.

Despite its title, all life is here. Ambition and failure, Love and Loss, pregnancy and impending fatherhood are woven into ordinary lives. It has its sadnesses and extraordinary touches of affection. Even so, I am having to force myself to finish it. I am gradually being sucked into its narrative.

It turns out that speaking to the Doctors’ Surgery was easy and very positive. They have a Clinician who counsels cancer patients but is happy to wait until they request it. I just hope I don’t have to.

There seems to be so much media fuss about pan-European temperatures as if they were highly unusual. In my experience of years of travelling to and living in Greece, they are fairly typical. Even the wild fires fanned by the meltemi winds are fairly typical. As we drove back to UK from our island, we would have to go over the Korinthos Canal and along the Peloponnese along the National Highway to Patras. Regularly, it showed all the signs of fire damage with burnt and smouldering vegetation and chunks of melted tarmac.

On this day in 2010, I was only 59 and a team of Albanians were working outside in 39C/103F as they tiled our patio around the house in Greece. It was virtually the last thing we did to complete the property after we had retired. I can tell you that 103F is incredibly hot to be out in never mind carry weights or pushing wheel barrows full of cement. It didn’t really help that they were paid such a pittance to do it either.

Friday, 28th July, 2023

A bright, warm morning. Going out for an early walk because we are attending a funeral this afternoon. It’s what tends to happen in age isn’t it? It is the funeral of someone who we hardly knew but who lived across the road from us down here for about 5 years. Pat was a retired businessman. He had established and run an large electrical service in the city of London. They specialised in shop and office fitting. He turned 80 soon after he arrived in this 5 bedroomed house with his wife, June. Pat was a mild mannered and softly spoken Irishman who was extremely friendly and helpful to me.

About two years ago, we were very disappointed that they put their house up for sale although we subsequently learned that Pat was being treated for advanced Melanoma – skin cancer. They were obviously downsizing in preparation for June living alone. We went round to see their new house which was smaller but very comfortable. A month ago, we heard that Pat was bedridden and two weeks ago that he had died. Neighbours all around liked him and are attending the funeral at Worthing Crematorium.

Never been there before. Maybe, I’ll end up there. I certainly will not have the attendance that Pat will have today. I may just be left there at night in a binbag. Certainly, on these occasions, I find my mind drifting to my own circumstances. Obviously self-obsessed and selfish but unavoidable. Maybe you know this feeling, Dear Reader. Do you put yourself in the place of the deceased? Do you wonder whether you will be next? …. Sorry, onwards and upwards! Well, perhaps not upwards at a crematorium.

A small anecdote that tells you so much about me. Apparently, Pat wanted bright colours at his funeral. He didn’t want sombre black to dominate. Some mourners we know are talking about wearing Hawaiian shirts in gaudy informality. I just can’t bring myself to do it – not that I own an Hawaiian shirt anyway. I will wear a black suit but will compromise with a bright tie and silk handkerchief. Will that do? You can judge me if you like!

Saturday, 29th July, 2023

It’s been a sad week. Yesterday I tried to do my best to be bright – well that tie is fairly luminous – but it felt strange on such a sombre occasion. We drove to the crematorium near Findon in hot sunshine. Not really appropriate for suits and sadness. I think it’s the impulse of my age but I do find these occasions make me seriously maudlin.

About 70 – 80 mourners were present to say goodbye to Pat. The service was excellent. Like me, Pat was a lapsed Catholic and the service reflected that. He had three sons who all spoke about him and there were two large screens up showing a photo presentation accompanied by his favourite Jazz piece.

It was the pictures that told a 1000 words and really got to me. From Pat as a child, his first motorbike, proudly showing off his first car and meeting his wife. Through the years of bringing up his boys, travelling round the world on multiple occasions and then, the really brave but horribly painful last few weeks in the hospice.

Death through cancer is truly devastating for the human form. It almost robs one of the will to live. Gaunt, grey and obviously desperately ill, the spirit of Pat looked beaten. Even so, I thought it was absolutely right for the family to mark his final days. The obvious corollary is, will I end like that? Will we end like that?

I also find myself musing on my own funeral. Pat had 80 people. I’d be lucky to have 8. Then I started musing on who those 8 would be and I only got to 4. Actually, forget it. Pauline can just hand me over to the incinerator staff and have my ashes scattered on the rose bushes. She chose green for yesterday but she can wear what she likes for disposing of me – gardening gloves would be appropriate!

Mourners were invited to a meet at a local pub. We hate pubs and chose not to go but rather slip away quietly into the sunshine and drive home. It’s strange (I thought I’d say it myself before you could.) but I felt the need to mark the occasion with a glass of wine at home. It is the way I prefer to do things.

Later, if you can believe it, we went out for a long walk and I followed that up with some Gym work. Got to do my quota whatever the circumstances! Still living … but sad! Pat’s wife, June, must get up this morning alone. Having spent the past few weeks preparing for and being involved in his funeral. Today, all those supporters, well wishers, loved ones … are gone and she is left to live her life alone. Now is the time she needs friends. Now is the time we all need friends.

Sunday, 16th July, 2023

Lovely day – warm but breezy. Old crows circling but I can cope. Watched Blair interview on the incoming Labour Government and its necessity of moving back towards Europe. It has to happen. Retrospectives can be really useful.

Talking about retrospectives, the 760th week of my Blog will focus on exactly that. These photographs were sent to me by a friend and take me back to 1970. I’ll let you work out how long ago that was. The first one was taken in the Students’ Union Bar in the Wilkinson Building (aka The Wilkie) in 1970 for a College prospectus but was never used. I didn’t spend a lot of time there but it never looked like this when I did. I used to time my run over to the bar in order to get there 5 minutes before ‘Last Orders’. Two pints were lined up for me and throwing out time was around 11.00 pm – ish. I must admit, I haven’t really drunk beer since.

Of course, photographs prompt memories other than those intended. This photograph was never used for the prospectus in the end but the two lads at the bar – Chris & Kevin – didn’t normally look as smart as that. My eyesight was never brilliant which often led to me making the wrong choices but I learnt to recognise people by certain features.

The lad in the back window is Dave Weatherly and seated are Bob B-W and ‘Chopper’ Gill. No ideas who that is behind the bar. It was usually a big, fat man called Maurice but he was probably not photogenic enough. Strangely, I remember the curtains and the girl’s dress fabric is definitely of its time.

You won’t believe who the couple on the right are/were! The Rev. Kent and his wife were the College’s attempt to reach a modern generation with religion. Failed with me although I quite admired Kent. He drove a flashy sports car and would drop into the student Common Room and play Honky-Tonk piano with ease. You can tell from his attire that he was quite alternative. Whether that was to attract the young, I don’t know. It didn’t do it for me.

A girl who (unsuccessfully) asked me out once wrote to me recently with a story about being taken aside by an Education Tutor after being observed on Teaching Practice . Miss Knight, a frosty old spinster, threatened her with failure unless she got the Speech and Drama Tutor to help get rid of her Black Country accent. How times have changed and, I think, for the better. Having said that, we are all in our 70s now. Some have died and some have less good health than the rest of us. The old lad on the left of this trio has Motability problems and lives in Social Care. Life deals us some difficult hands and one never knows when friends will become important.

Monday, 17th July, 2023

A lovely warm and rather humid morning. Just as I opened the conservatory doors to cool the house down over breakfast, a girl from Oldham wrote that she had just put the Heating on. At the same time, my news alert service reported a retail park in Rochdale cordoned off by police in very wet conditions. MEN reported storms rolling across Greater Manchester. I forgot to say the other day, one fantastic thing about being in the North last week was the price of petrol – 15p/litre or 68p/gallon cheaper than down here. Would it swing it for me? Don’t think so.

This morning’s jobs involve cutting lawns, walking but, first a visit to the investment bank to discuss impending movements. I phoned Head Office on Friday hoping to make an appointment. Oh, just turn up and they’ll see you, I was told. I did and they didn’t. There were lots of customers and very few staff. Appointment tomorrow has given me chance to review my course of action.

I am definitely going to have 2-yr ‘fixes’ at 6.05% on a large, lump sum that we won’t need. I am then going to put 2 x £20,000 into 2-yr ‘fix ISAs at 5.35% and hold back the same amount to take out more ISAs when we are able in April. The rest will go into Easy Access savings accounts at 4.25%. At last we will be making our money work and produce a return for the first time for years.

I was reading an interesting article in The Guardian this morning. It was about First Loves and the indelible, psychological imprint they leave upon one for years to follow. I thought I’d tell you about my first love.

‘Tricia Adams – ah, who could forget her? She was flighty and vivacious. She lived on the right hand side of Gordon Villas – a property built by Sanders & Son. On the left lived the much more dour Elizabeth MacDonald. Actually, I think I fancied ‘Tricia more because her Dad had a brand new, white Triumph Herald convertible than for her own charms. I did buy her a small, pink, plastic packet of hair grips and she bought me a large box of Liquorice Allsorts. I definitely came off best. We were both 7 and had our first kiss. Well, it was mine. I can’t vouch for her.

It didn’t last long because I moved on to Mary with the long, blond hair. She was the vicar’s daughter but I’ve never forgotten little ‘Tricia. Was it love? I suspect not. Mary was replaced by Anna, the daughter of Derby County’s Assistant Manager to Brian Clough. Free tickets were the attraction but it didn’t last long. I couldn’t perform well enough in the Disco. And so I arrived at Marilyn while I was in the 6th Form. She was lovely but not my love. I finished it awkwardly to go to College. Even so, they are indelibly imprinted on my memory banks.

Tuesday, 18th July, 2023

Gloriously hot and sunny day. We had to be out early to get to the Investment Bank branch. As ever, I was in tee shirt and shorts.

They were waiting for me. I think I had been so forceful yesterday that they hadn’t yet recovered. It took about an hour of paperwork. They filled all the forms in for me for three, separate accounts. Just as well. I’ve literally forgotten how to use a pen. I had to sign my name about 8 separate times and that was agony enough. Why everything can’t be done by computer, I have no idea.

Walking away, I felt a sense of euphoria at having everything settled. Investment is my responsibility and it is important to get it right. I have spent a few weeks preparing for this because I knew the dates were pending. Even after yesterday, rates had risen again this morning. At least I know that I have a very good deal in mixed investments over the next 2-3 years. I believe that I’ll look back at the age of 75 and think I’ve done alright. Rates in general should be well below where they are today. I’ve even been able to strike a deal that will allow me to keep the ISA rate that I’ve fixed today at 5.35% right through to a second tranche of £40,000.00 to invest in ISAs in April for the new tax year.

Back home, our electrician had arrived and was working on the garden lighting. He is a lovely lad who comes when we call and is always reasonably priced. We cut him two of the biggest lettuces to take away with him. I picked another huge batch of French Beans. I am absolutely loving them.

One of my little sisters – who can be very annoying – announced today that she had been invited back to coffee with the Duchess of Edinburgh and she was on her way to Bagshot Park. Skinny Lizzie, as she is known in the family, is Executive Director of Adult Social Care & Commissioning for Surrey. She can be an annoying little sod but I’m quite proud of her!

Wednesday, 19th July, 2023

Warm morning but not very sunny. No rain forecast although there’s a chance we might get some on Saturday evening. I will have to water for the next few days.

Got a meeting with the Oncologist on Friday to discuss the results of my blood tests. Hoping that PSA is down and testosterone is low. I then go on for a CT (computerised tomography) Scan in Brighton on Monday. The aim of this is to examine the tumours growth/shrinkage and to plot the radiotherapy beams when I start my treatment. I have rather pushed all this to the back of my mind just in order to get on with life. It has populated some of my dreams but receded in waking moments. Now it is coming to the forefront of the day.

I don’t want to feel like a patient. I want to be proactive and take charge of myself. It is much harder dealing with illness in ones you love than in oneself. It seems so much more painful to see someone suffering and not be able to do anything about it than to suffer oneself. I am definitely more comfortable being a giver than a receiver. I reside in the belief that I will live into my 90s, live to see great days still to come.

Kept active all day. Shopping, gardening, walking. Haven’t had time to watch the Test Match apart from snatches over a drink. The weather in Manchester appears to be a bit better than down here today although not as warm. We started off with blue skies but, as we walked around our development this afternoon, the grey clouds scudded across the blue expanse and threatened rain. The weather god seems not to have got the memo.. Better in Manchester? Nothing should be better in Manchester.

Thursday, 20th July, 2023

Really tired after not sleeping last night. Seems to be a regular feature now. Getting a bit jittery about a meeting with the Oncologist tomorrow for an interim assessment. Of course, it is with a consultant on a strike day. So far, I’ve heard nothing which I took as good news but then I heard a Hospital Manager interviewed this morning say in many cases they wouldn’t know until someone didn’t turn up for work so cancellations would be very ‘last minute’.

I’ve tried to phone the department this morning but a recorded voice says they can’t promise to respond within 24hrs so I might as well hold my breath. Had nice support from family and friends. My little sister, Cathy, who is just back from a Greek holiday, contacted me this morning to ask about my progress. I have to admit I am all over the place at the moment. The sands of time keep shifting. Got up to sunshine but now the clouds are darkening the sky. Cathy’s husband, who is much younger than me, has had really serious medical issues recently and is still in treatment. It all makes one feel old and sound boring, doesn’t it?

I’m in the final throes of moving money into new investment accounts. I love internet banking and digital financial management but when it comes down to pressing a SEND button to move thousands of pounds from one place to another, it is very nerve wracking. All the possibilities of it going astray rise in one’s mind. In fact, some relatives of ours had exactly that happen last year. About £250,000.00 was sent from a bank account to another country and it just didn’t turn up where it was expected. Can you imagine the nervous reaction one might have in that situation. We had to fill in the gap temporarily for them. In this case, it resolved itself but the converse is unthinkable.

There is often an agonising time lag between pressing SEND and the funds appearing in the account. For that reason, I never do it over a weekend because I would have no recourse to Banking help. Anyway, yesterday and today all transactions have gone through which is a great relief to a boring boy. My desk is now filled with Medical files and Financial ones can be put back in the filing cabinet. Apparently repeating yourself is an early sign of Dementia. Apparently repeating yourself is an early sign of Dementia.

It is 9.00 pm, and I am out walking alone. Really alone. I usually have a friend on my shoulder but not tonight. I have 3 miles to do to complete my target. I will do it but it seems so much further alone. Kevin, John & Julie have contacted me in the past hour but it’s not the same. Somehow, I still feel alone. I’m obviously mad!

My old friend, Peter Holgate contacted me to say he had gone out to vote in the Selby and Ainsty by-election and had high hopes of getting the Tories out. I do hope so. Peter is another of the band of 20 men in my college. He spent many years as a Primary Head Teacher.

Friday, 21st July, 2023

Out early this morning to the Oncology Department at Worthing Hospital. If you have to visit a hospital, this one is so human and welcoming. The artwork and gardens are delightful. Not sure today what I would find because of strike action.

My consultant was there and saw me early. He seemed very positive and optimistic. I was just pleased to see him at work on a strike day. He is taking his family to Greece next week so felt he should be in work. What a lovely man he is. I just love intelligent people.

My PSA – prostate-specific antigen – was 7.1 which rang alarm bells and started this whole process. The average level for a man of my age is 5.5. Today, after 5 months of hormone treatment, my PSA is just 0.3. Unfortunately, my radiotherapy treatment has been pushed back to start on October 11th for 4 weeks.

I have had to contact the hotel in the North that I’d booked for October and cancel. I am very disappointed that I won’t be able to visit my friends but, if I’m going to live, I will have time to rearrange. The good news is that we can have our 10 days in Athens at the end of August which I am really looking forward to.

Back home from the hospital, we have celebrated with a bottle of champagne and I am feeling a little euphoric. How things can change from one day to the next! Almost immediately, I experience the bathos that I would get when a longed for Summer Holiday from work finally arrived. The first evening I would move from elated to exhausted to inexplicably empty and wondering why.

Saturday, 22nd July, 2023

Lovely bright and warm morning although I’m told it is not as warm as I think it is. This hormone treatment is giving me sweats. Had a better night. Dreamt of Lunch with Rebecca-Jane. I never dream or, at least never remember it. In this case, I did very vivdly. We were in a restaurant decorated in muted greys with crisp, white cloths and glittering cutlery. A large lobster split down the centre with drizzled garlic butter was between us with a bottle of chilled Sancerre and sparkling glasses. She’s a professor of English Lit. now you know. Gone now.

When people can be so cold?
They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don’t you let them …You’ve got a Friend

Who thought it would be good to hold a vital Ashes Test in MANCHESTER? Sheer madness! England are by far the superior side but will draw the match and lose the series because of MANCHESTER!!

Fly to Athena in just over 4 weeks so I’m going to work harder on my diet and fitness before that. I’ve then got about 6 weeks until my radiotherapy and I don’t really know how that will affect me yet. They say it makes one very tired but they said that about the hormone treatment and I’ve managed to work through that. Ignore the advice and NEVER GIVE UP has usually worked for me so that’s what I will do.

My photo bank threw up a memory from 20 years ago this morning. Soon after the building of our Greek house was completed in the early 2000s, we were adopted by a ferral cat who was pregnant. My nearest experience to Fatherhood. We imaginatively named her Mother Cat as she soon gave birth and presented us with one ginger and one tabby kitten who just as imaginatively became known as Tabs and Ginge.

The hardest part of leaving after a 6 months stay was deserting the cats. We felt we were abandoning them. Fortunately, Mother Cat always came back the moment we returned and charged up to the house to greet us/demand food. After a hard winter, she would look malnourished and unkempt. After a month of two meals a day, she started looking sleek and had put on some weight ready to produce more offspring and, by the end of our 6 months’ stay, she looked like the most contented cat you could imagine.

It is a month until we fly but Easyjet emailed me this morning to say I could Checkin online immediately. It is all too easy now. We have no ‘Hold’ luggage so we can take a large cabin bag each and a small bag each. Checking in on-line saves so much time and then we just go straight through security at the airport and avoid queuing at bag-drop at all.

We still have the ignominy of the queue at the Non-Eu Gates in Athens, the careful check of the passport, the stern surveillance stare and the thud of the passport stamp. We are definitely outsiders now.

Sunday, 9th July, 2023

Rain over night but the early morning has opened dry and warm. Went out early to walk on the beach. The sea had deserted the land. Glowering clouds blanketed the skies. The air was warm and motionless. The colours muted, downbeat.

I’ve been struggling to live with myself for a while. I seem to be running to stand still. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I am struggling to adjust to failure, to loss, to impending pain. I feel like I am going through the motions, playing out time to some inevitability. All sounds very self-indulgent and defeatist. Ultimately, it isn’t. In some respects, it takes a lot of courage to articulate one’s fears and disappointments and publicly admit them. It is also the first stage to confronting them. I’m told I shouldn’t be surprised by this because of my drugs but I am.

If there is one thing I know about myself it is that I NEVER give in. At the moment, however, I am carrying a weight around with me and it is colouring my days. Trying to keep busy to stop my thoughts. Night time is the worst. Poor sleep. Constantly waking. Radio on. Concentrate on the news and not on myself. In the early hours of this morning, it was a philosophical exploration of Living in the Moment accompanied by complementary music which only served to move me more. The topic was something I find difficult to do. Everything must be planned and controlled. Outcomes must be predictable. At the moment, I have little control of events.

Currently, I am using gardening to distract me. Actually, I am finding that the names of plants I grew for years in Yorkshire but which I haven’t grown over the last decade down here are eluding me. Hope it’s not a sign of dementia. I’m forgetting birthday dates as well.

At least with plants I have an app which helps me. Google have brought out a new app called Google Lens which allows one to photograph a plant and it instantly matches it to other images in its bank and names them. Goodness knows what I do about birthdays.

Monday, 10th July, 2023

Woken to a lovely, sunny day. There is a feeling about the world that it is bursting with bounty. My garden is throwing out more produce than we can eat. Rather than relax and enjoy the season, Nature – birds and plants – is rushing to fruition. You may know, Dear Reader, the lines from Samuel Beckett’s Waiting for Godot:

They give birth astride of a grave,
the light gleams an instant,
then it’s night once more.

Life is only a brief flash of time, an instant, and then death is the inevitable end. Time is ultimately rather meaningless when one’s whole lifetime is condensed into a brief moment.

It is only early July and yet blackberries are rushing to fruit and ripen. Birds all around are testing their readiness for sweet and succulent food.

On our walk this morning a wonderful Buddleia Bush is in full bloom. Of course, it is known as the Butterfly Bush and, true to its name, this one was covered in Butterflies. Nothing very unusual but quite spectacular in colour as it pursues its short life as a winged insect.

It is strange to think of the time continuum as a human and translate it into the lifespan of a mayfly, a butterfly, a bird or a rabbit. We see ourselves on this earth forever but a day for a mayfly is a life for a man. The speed at which things must resolve themselves if you only live for 24 hours! Life flutters by in the blink of an eye.

The awful thing for man is that, not only do we have the ability to be self reflective but we have the time as well. I suspect this butterfly won’t experience angst, ambition, rejection, failure, disappointment. It won’t agonise over achievement or longevity. Its time continuum is preordained … subject to predators.

Tuesday, 11th July, 2023

Up and out walking at 5.00 am on a warm and pleasant morning. No point just lying in bed when I could be active. Back for Breakfast and then watering all the pots and raised beds in the garden. Now, an hour in the Gym. Lots to get through today. Watched a new episode of Long Lost Family last night and I’ve still got the sadness of it populating my mind as I go about my daily tasks. Going to spend some time on the Ancestry website over the next few days.

M&K were back up in Oldham over the weekend with their three adopted lads for a family wedding. Aren’t wedding photos the very core of historical records?

Rediscovering the past is so important and I am travelling back to Greater Manchester to revisit my History. On the loose around old stomping grounds is a lovely feeling. Surprise visits are on the cards! It was 23C and sunny when we left the South Coast. After an hour we were at Toddington Services in light cloud.

An hour and a half later, we had driven through a cloud burst which obliterated the motorway markings as we arrived at Leicester Forrest.

The journey has taken 4.5 hours. Quite delightful. Quiet, traffic free without problem. A24/M25/M1/M26 – all notorious roads but, today, really nice to drive.

By the time we arrived at our Yorkshire hotel, the world was delightful. We were welcomed with a lovely room, completed my exercise routine in the Gym and relaxed into the comfort of familiarity. Can’t wait to see people over the next few days!

Wednesday, 12th July, 2023

Up and out walking at 5.00 am. Cool and gloomy sky. Walking for about an hour and a half. Back for Breakfast. Won’t eat that again!

With a black suit and tie on, I drove across the Pennines to Oldham. The scene was suitably sombre as we drove. Wore a suit every work day for 40 years. Putting one on today felt nice/weird.

The funeral was an atheistic service which suited me. Met quite a few ex-pupils and teachers who had been friends of Joyce & Harry. Good to see them again although we both agreed that we could never live back here again. The housing stock and the landscape makes it feel like the century before last. Antiquated, unforgiving, impoverished, harsh, there was nothing to recommend it other that the familiarity of the past.

The service for Joyce was lovely. It was sad but reaffirming. I looked around the congregation and wondered who would be at my funeral. Would you, Dear Reader? Don’t worry, I won’t blame you if you swerve it.

I will never give up. At the end of the afternoon, came back from Oldham to complete my exercise routine. It was hard but required. I’m still working to stay alive until someone tells me otherwise.

Thursday, 13th July, 2023

Up at 5.00 am. Out walking. Actually quite warm and pleasant … well for Yorkshire. At least 13C/57F … felt like Winter. Did 5 miles before Breakfast. Definitely won’t be eating that again. The hotel gives the impression of classical splendour but fails on both ancient and modern accounts.

The bed was terrible. I really didn’t sleep at all. For £170.00 per night it was poor. That was the price of a fairly ordinary room. Because we were there at short notice, we had to take what was available. It was poor.

At least the view was good and the weather was dry. You could still hear the M62 droning away in the distance but, other than that, the prospect was lovely.

The drive back was really good. The M1 and M25 were excellent. A sign of the times, we managed to drive home on a tank of petrol with 200 miles to spare. A hybrid engine is so economical that we can do almost 500 miles on one tank of unleaded at motorway speeds.

I was using a newish radar trap warning app which sits on my smartphone on the trickle charger in my car. It gives multiple audible warnings of approaching speed cameras and reminds us of the speed. Tested it out today. It was never wrong.

Friday, 14th July, 2023

I was tired last night after a 5 hr drive and then a shopping trip. Went to bed early and slept right through to 5.30 am. Something of an achievement at the moment. Had to be up early on this overcast but incredibly warm morning. Expected to see rain but it was dry. I had an 8.30 am appointment at the surgery. As usual now, the waiting room was almost empty – just me and two girls.

I signed in on my phone and was told my blood test would be performed by Miss Lovelock. Sounded promising. I sat down and read messages on my phone. I was so engrossed that one of the girls suddenly said, Are you John Sanders? Thought it was a chat-up line but it appears my name had come up twice already on the waiting room screen. Unfortunately, Miss Lovelock turned out to be a 40 something bruiser with butterflies tattooed up her arms. She hurt me with the needle and my arm bled quite badly afterwards.

My blood test was to check my PSA (prostate-specific antigen) and testosterone levels. Hopefully, the prostate has shrunk and, with it, the cancer. I’ve always had too much testosterone so I hope that is lower at the moment as well. Apparently, testosterone feeds the cancer so reducing levels will starve it at the same time as the hormone treatment shrinks it. How much medical science one acquires when one’s life is in danger.

One of the lovely things about yesterday was to be reunited with Dr Andrew Jones, Joyce’s son. I last saw him in the 1970s when he was a quiet, polite and timid little lad in my English class. He went to London University to do a Science Degree and then came back to Leeds to do a Doctorate. He moved to Boston, Massachusetts to work as a Medical Scientist, married a Boston girl in the same profession and has never returned – apart from for fleeting visits.

It was really good to see him again after all these years and to meet his wife, Kirsten. They are very keen for us to go over and stay with them in Boston. We could combine it with a trip to Florida. Co-incidentally, my boyhood friend, Jonathan, has lived in Boston since the early 1970s with his wife, Cathy. I have been meaning to visit them for some time. I can feel a trip coming on.

Saturday, 15th July, 2023

Very humid night and incredibly humid morning. I’m feeling OLD! I saw a photo of my face from just 6 years ago and I looked so YOUNG. Whenever I meet people and tell them my age, they always affect surprise. I have no way of knowing if they mean it. I chose to believe them and flattered myself. I’m beginning to think I was wrong. Got up to go to the loo in the night and could hardly get my legs going. It shocks me. I do walk 10 miles every day and carry round the residual tiredness that my legs suffer from that but, compared to my 20s, I recover less quickly. The trouble is that I fear the act of admitting it to myself and to you, Dear Reader, will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Driving back from the savages in the North can be a journey into sophistication. Leaving behind the Land of Fish & Chips, a more delicate and nuanced cuisine prevails. En route this time, we stopped off at Toddington Service Station in Bedfordshire. There was a charity book sale as we walked in and I spotted immediately this book:

It is French and totally in French but the recipes are wonderful. Have you been to Lyon? I stayed in a hotel there en route as we drove to Italy. I need to explore it more if this recipe for Filets of Carp with Frogs Legs and Snails in a butter sauce with garlic and chervil is anything to go by. This is how the world should be fed!

Of course, it would have to be accompanied by these wonderful yellow, French Beans. There is little choice. I have a glut from really only about 15 plants. We are going to be eating them hot with garlic or cold with mayonnaise for weeks. I’m hoping these beans have a rejuvenating element and that I can turn back the ravages of time.

Sunday, 2nd July, 2023

Glorious Summer’s morning after a hot and humid night with a wonderful almost full moon. Back to garden watering this morning. My friend, Kevin, is off to Benidorm for the fourth time this year already and Summer has really arrived there.

He has had quite patchy weather previously but this week, it will be perfect. I envy him that but not the location. If only Lancashire could be like this..

Yesterday, I was proudly showcasing produce from my garden and, this morning, my Memory Box threw up this from 2010 in my Greek kitchen. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

Be quite nice to be reading the Sunday Times on our patio and under our pergola this morning but … it’s not to be. There are other things to look forward to.

Monday, 3rd July, 2023

Lovely morning again. Going for an early walk. Had an absolutely terrible day yesterday – the worst for a long time. Agonisingly tired all day from the moment I got up until I went to bed. Sweating profusely. Skin itching. Very emotional. I had to fight all day to do my exercise and fight back my emotions. Nearly lost!

Today, after my walk, I am driving to the Royal Sussex Cancer Centre in Brighton and The Macmillan Centre. This is a dummy run. We have been warned by friends and medics that the journey is a nightmare and parking is even worse. I am given a ‘free parking’ pass but, if the small carpark is full, I will have a real problem.

Well, the drive down was better than expected – about 40 mins with reasonable traffic at 10.30 am. Brighton is an amalgam of the old, 19th century glory and the brand, spanking new which a rich city can afford. The medical centres are no different.

The Cancer Centre is state-of-the-art and leading facility in the country. Having walked past the old and gulped, the new is really impressive and the support is wonderful. Even the coffee bar and restaurant is airport style.

I was greeted warmly and really reassured by the service. I have to go for a CT scan in Brighton towards the end of the month which will tell me how well the hormone treatment is working and tell the radiographers where to target the beam when I go for my next stage of treatment which should be towards the end of August and just after I come back from Athens. Let’s hope that it turns out to be worth it!

Tuesday, 4th July, 2023

A warm night and the early morning has brought light, sporadic rain. We currently need heavy rain and we are grateful for anything.

With the hot, humid weather we have been having for weeks and my consistent watering, everything is growing like mad. I am being threatened by a glut of lettuces, endive and courgette. The first meals are great – fresh, clean produce from the garden – but you can have too much of a good thing. On the plus side, all this lettuce is helping me to lose weight and get back towards normal.

Just got to get on with life while it gets on with me. Not going to be messed about by anyone. At 9.30am, the sun is out now and I’m going out for a long walk. As we drove home from Brighton yesterday, our Gym Machine Service Engineer texted to say he could arrive a day early. Fantastic! He arrived ten minutes after we got home and fixed the problem in 20 mins. Makes me feel totally inadequate. Today we’ve got a plumber coming to fix a small leak under one of the bathrooms’ basins. Should be simple for an expert. At one time, I might have attempted it myself but, these days, I’d rather an expert did it for me.

Today, I am going to spend a second bout of time on something I am quite good at – investing money. I have most of our ‘fixed’ investment accounts coming to maturity this month and it is a really interesting time in the financial markets. A lot of our money will be coming out of ‘fixes’ just under 3% and I can now get fixes at around double that. I’m looking at Investec Bonds at 5.85% for a 3-year fix. This is important if you have money you can do without for 3 years because rates, while not quite at peak yet, are not far off.

I will take this but the problem with it is that we will go well over the unearned income allowance for 2 people of £2,000.00 per year so we will definitely pay a lot of tax on it this year. The one way to mitigate that is to take out ISAs which are tax-free. Everyone went off ISAs because the rates were so low. Now, they are back with a bang and I have selected Virgin Money 3-yr fix at 5.2%.

These are rates only dreamed of for the past decade and to get them fixed for 3 years is a real bonus. The downside is, I can only put £40,000.00 in now and have to wait until April before I can put another £40,000.00 in.

Fixed rates do allow withdrawals but a penalty accompanies that so I will need to put some into a rainy day/easy access account. I can even do that at 4.25% at the moment. Mark my words, these rates will seem fantastic in a couple of years time when all around us they are falling for new money. Happy days!

Wednesday, 5th July, 2023

Torrential rain over night. Wonderful to hear. This morning the world looks fresher and cleaner. The lawns are already greening back up. Warm and dry as we went out early to Worthing. My in-house tailor has been struggling to maintain the integrity of my suit jacket sleeves with its 4-button vent. I suggested from the outset that we farm it out to a private concern but she wanted to do it herself. It is so long winded and difficult that I have won the battle and I found a company last night which will do it for us urgently.

I decided to be there early in order to get it done and I was proved right. The works is down a quaint, 18th century alleyway that would have originally been formed out of fishermen’s cottages some of which are still standing. Lovely people who have been running it for almost 30 years. They are snowed under and were, initially, reluctant to take it on at short notice but a little charm and a bit of cash go a long way and it will be ready for Saturday.

We have lived here for 7 years now and walked down the main street at the end of the alleyway without ever noticing it. There are lots of little concerns down here including a bakery, an ‘alternative’ jewellers and one which might interest my little sister who lives about 5 miles away. She is mad as a hatter and has been Vegan for years. Can’t be many places specialise in services for lunatics but this is one.

We eat Pesto so often that my in-house chef make lots of it at home. If you’ve ever bought a commercial jar of ‘Pesto’ and tried it, you may never eat it again but, trust me, home-made pesto is a totally different and infinitely superior thing. I grow the Basil in the garden and Pauline makes copious amounts of pesto with it. Last year I grew lots of Basil but less this year for a reason.

Pesto is made from Basil, Pine Nuts, Garlic, Parmesan Cheese and Olive Oil. These ingredients are all blended together and can be stored frozen. That’s exactly what my chef does. We are just finishing 2021 pesto and starting last years.

Today, we did a stock check before harvesting Basil for this year. We still have over 100 portions left. Chef knows the amount of pesto we are allowed in our calorie controlled diet each meal and portions it up for freezing. Today chef will be harvesting, chopping and freezing a field of Parsley and then make the first batch of 2023 Pesto. This evening, Dinner will be Roast salmon with Pesto Crust and Green salad from the garden. Got to finish my Gym session first.

Thursday, 6th July, 2023

A really lovely morning with blue sky and sunshine and high humidity again. The garden is at that perfect state on the pivot between full grown and over blown. As August develops, plants will start to go over, become overgrown and turning to seed and thoughts will turn to Autumn. The Child in the Grave. A theme for life. From Cradle to Grave.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted …Ecclesiastes

Today is Cosmos Day for me although they have been flowering for weeks and will go on until the frosts. They will be approaching their best in the next couple of weeks.

Hot, sunny weather and a good drink brings most things to fruition – even me – and that’s what these Mixed-Colour Cosmos are showing this morning.

Whatever you think of the advance of New Technology and however it frightens you, it is essential to embrace it. Otherwise, you will be increasingly left behind. You only have to look at the closure of Bank branches, the reduction of Post Offices, the closure of Rail Ticket Offices, the increasing access of Government services on-line, the way Health services from the NHS are to be rationalised through on-line delivery with remote consultations, etc, to know that you just cannot afford to be left behind.

Today, a new social media facility has started to challenge Twitter. I communicate with lots of people on Twitter every day but, recently it has become uncomfortable with the ownership of Elon Musk and now, Facebook/Instagram have launched a new platform called Threads. I have downloaded it this morning and will trial it during the day. See you on Threads! Well, maybe not you!

I drive a Honda CRV Self-Charge Hybrid car. I have been demanding of Honda that they upgrade this model to a Plug-in Hybrid but the biggest drawback of all is the Range that is possible between charges. I want to drive around Europe without having to search for and spend hours waiting for my car to re-charge.

Well, this morning, Toyota have announced the holy grail. They have developed a new battery that will allow me to drive London to Milan – a drive I have done many times – before needing to re-charge and that re-charge will only take 10 mins. I won’t necessarily be buying a Toyota but I will be personally demanding Honda produce the same.

Friday, 7th July, 2023

Gorgeously hot and sunny morning. Not a cloud in the sky. Poor night’s sleep again. Up early. I’m going to the Beautician’s. Not personally, of course, but I am chauffeuring. My next door neighbour texted me this morning to ask permission if he can mow his lawn. I have been regrowing it for him because it had almost totally died. I went to have a look this morning and it is lush, green and long. Just right for its first cut. He is delighted and I am relieved.

The day just got hotter as it developed. We reached 28C/83F at peak and I both gardened and walked in it. Kevin was sea swimming in Benidorm and the temperature was just a little warmer but not much. Julie was only 18C/65F but was delighted her car had passed its MOT. What is an MOT? I’ve never had one. John R is out cycling in 26C/79F and even Wales was dry.

Lovely to pick beans for our Dinner. They are producing quite a yield. Good job I love them. It is 9 years ago today that we sold our Greek home. It was a screamingly hot night – in the 30sC/90sF – at 9.00 pm in the evening in the office of our friend, Elerania Milliotie, the Notary.

Unlike any transaction of a house sale in UK where solicitors exchange monies electronically into Bank Accounts, we were paid for our Greek house in cash – hundreds of thousands of bank notes which we were expected to count out in front of our purchasers who were paying us. I found the whole thing rather embarrassing, almost demeaning but the reason was that our buyers didn’t want the tax authorities to know how much they were paying us and so would have to pay tax on it.

Our only problem was converting cash to a Greek bank account entry without being asked where it had come from. Fortunately, we had spent time cultivating workers in the Bank of Greece and the Piraeus Bank who looked kindly on us and passed the transactions through with a blind eye. We stayed in the house for a week after the sale as we packed up and prepared for the drive home. We felt fortunate to have had the opportunity to buy and own the land, to design and have the house built and live in it for almost 15 years. But we equally felt grateful that we had found a great buyer and we could take our investment home for future use.

It is 7.30 pm. I have just completed my Gym routine. The temperature outside is still 27C/81F and sultry. Air conditioning and a Netflix film tonight. I have walked 10 miles, cut 6 lawns, reseeded a neighbour’s lawn and done a Gym routine. You would expect me to sleep. Testament to the turmoil I am in that I rarely do.

Saturday, 8th July, 2023

Incredibly hot and humid night. The temperature didn’t fall below 20C/68F and it was 23C/74 as we set off for Worthing at 9.00 am. Air conditioning in the bedroom on full. Woke up in the night and was so cold I couldn’t feel my limbs. Not good when you’re going to the loo. Air conditioning on in the car on icy so getting out in town feels like getting off the plane at a Mediterranean airport. My glasses steam up.

Picked up my altered suit. Fantastic quality. Lovely people. So cheap. I will always use them in future. went on to M&S to collect an order and so it was I found myself photographing the Bra displays. Two women went past saying, We’ve heard about men like you. I thought, I bet you haven’t. but I actually said, I’m doing it to show my friends. I don’t think that improved the situation.

Back to do grocery shopping. A lot of our produce is from the garden at the moment. In fact, my heart sinks a bit when I see this in the kitchen. One thing we can’t grow is low calorie frozen yoghurt lollies. I am addicted to them.

We get them in Sainsbury’s. Low calorie, sweet and creamy. What’s not to like? It looks ominously like they are discontinuing this stock.

Sunday, 25th June, 2023

Scorching hot morning after very humid night. Still no sign of rain although we could get a little bit on Thursday. Had to go down to Next to return a suit which was ‘rubbish’! On to a Pickup Shop to collect an order from La Redoute for my Butler and then into Worthing to go to M&S for some white shirts.

The coast road was busy, lined with parked cars. As we went in to M&S, one side of the Pier was very quiet.

As we came out with some shirts, the other side of the pier was quite busy. Always shocks us the ‘holiday’ feel this hot weather generates down here. Someone said to me recently that it was so hot that there was no need to go abroad. I love ‘abroad’. I don’t go for a holiday. It takes me out of my ‘comfort zone’ and forces me to come to terms with Language, Culture, Conventions – in fact, everything that goes to make up a Culture. I am not drawn by the tourist ‘must sees’. I am much more into sitting with a cup of coffee or a glass/bottle of wine and watching the world go by. You can learn so much of the milieu that way.

We’ve spent a week in Thessaloniki, a week in Northern France, we are going to Athens for a week in late August and may slot another week in France before that. This morning, I’ve been researching hotels in Napoli. Always wanted to visit. You know what they say, See Naples and Die. I though we could test the theory. Actually, what it really means is Naples is so beautiful that one needn’t look upon anything else after seeing it. We’ll see.

Monday, 26th June, 2023

Lovely, sunny morning. Another gardening day. The French Beans are beginning to ‘fruit’ quite quickly now which is encouraging. Going to re-seed some patches of my neighbours’ garden this morning while they are out at work. Although it will need heavy watering, this temperature should be perfect for quick germination.

I noticed that Northern England has a Weather Alert for strong winds and big hail today. Warned Julie that her strawberries and other allotment vegetables are in danger. Mind you, short of erecting a huge tent, I’m not sure what she can do about it.

I have been praying for rain for some time. As I don’t believe in divine intervention, you won’t be surprised that my prayers have not been answered. We might get a little bit of light rain over night Thursday-Friday but it means, otherwise, I am having to provide it manually myself. It’s very time consuming.

I have never been a natural lover of discotheques or ‘pop’ music. I never liked Elton John’s records. I had been to a few discos to meet girls in my school days but never felt comfortable. I like talking to people and discos are definitely not the places for that. Hot, sweaty, noisy, having to shout to be heard. It really isn’t me. The first disco I walked into at College in 1969 was held in the Drama Room. The first record being played as I walked in was Elton John although I can’t remember what. I had never heard of him although my girlfriend at the time had. I tried to be impressed but failed. I tried to enjoy disco dancing …. but failed.

I don’t listen to or watch ‘pop’ music these days. I have never been to a ‘Pop Concert’ or Festival in my life but I indulged Pauline last night in watching Elton John as he closed the 2023 Glastonbury. The Elton John of 2023 is a bloated, terribly bewigged, queen who sounds rather more a semi-drunken ‘pub singer’ than the giant of popular music he is revered for. And yet, I found it genuinely emotional. I had a tear in my eye for this tableau of my times. Elton John is almost a symbol of all our aging. From slim, hairy youth to bloated, gold-lammied, hirsute, old age, performing for the ‘last time’.

It is time to admit that I only ever bought one vinyl record in my life. It was ….. Cat Stevens: Mathew & Son. I played it loudly at home (the home built by Sanders & Son) and was very disappointed that my Mother loved it. It was fascinating to see a white haired, white bearded Cat Stevens at Glastonbury.

He is equally a symbol of the change in times. Although born in London, he was of Greek Cypriot origin and his real name was Demetre Georgiou. He had to anglicise that to Cat Stevens for the ‘pop’ market in the 1960s-70s but then converted to Islam and felt able to come out publicly as Yusuf Islam. Now, a white haired old man just 2 years older than me. We are all aging and I don’t like it. All lives end in tragedy. Just don’t let it happen too soon!

Tuesday, 27th June, 2023

There is something nice about doing things for nice people, particularly the people who live around us. They are bright, clever, hardworking, enthusiastic people pushing themselves to achieve for their families. They all do significant, well-paid jobs which demand a high level of commitment. They want their street to look good but are cash-rich and time-poor. I don’t need cash but I have time so I’ve voluntarily taken on some garden maintenance work. I can spend hours outside in the sunshine and expend energy at the same time.

Yesterday morning, I was working on my next door neighbours’ lawn re-seeding some faded patches. I raked out the old grass and bent down to pick it up thrusting a sharpened end of a pruned branch straight into my right eye. Only those who have been close to me will know that I was born blind in my left eye so any threat to the other one is panic stations.

I don’t panic often but I have lived my life trying to protect my ‘good’ eye. They tried to stop me playing Rugby and fighting but, as a lad, they were on a loser. However, any threat to my eyesight has been taken seriously immediately. Can’t believe how lucky I have been. Blood from the wound has seeped into the corner of my eye and the flesh around it is quite deeply gashed but I’ll live to fight another day. Always enjoyed fighting.

My Dresser has found me a reasonable suit for my trip to Lancashire. The only thing is that every suit I’ve ever bought ‘off the peg’ has to be adjusted on the arms. I inherited my Dad’s short arms. That didn’t help with the fighting. Just means I have to hit harder. Anyway, the sleeves will need turning up by a couple of inches.

Of course, then we (She) have the job of parcelling up the other suits and sending them back. This means a trip to a ‘ Returns Shop’ – the Co-Op, in this case, near the station which means a forever wait for commuter trains to pass by. Am I impatient? Yes, for so many things and time is diminishing.

On the way back home we learnt that Kirsty & Phil were filming Location, Location, Location in the village. Look forward to watching that one.

Wednesday, 28th June, 2023

A very humid and still morning after a bad night. I’m just not sleeping well, waking at 1.30 am and 3.30 am. Put the radio on and listened to the BBC World Service – a programme about Nuclear Reactors in Japan – which sent me back to sleep. At least the radio works in blocking out the disturbing stream of thoughts …

Last night I watched Newsnight just before bed. Had to turn it off part way through because it upset me so much. The subject was Food Poverty in UK. The programme featured a group of ‘older’ residents in Gateshead. They all ‘survived’ just on a State Pension. How anybody does that goodness knows but these poor people were cutting back on everything and, particularly, food.

One lady only ate every two days. A man had one meal a day and tried to substitute any other food by filling up on coffee and tea. He had dropped from 17st to 11st in one year. One lonely lady said she could no longer have her grandchildren to stay because she couldn’t afford to feed them and when the wider family invited her out to eat, she starved herself for two days to ensure she could afford to contribute. And here I am, a man trying desperately not to eat to much!

This hormone treatment makes me rather more emotional than usual but this really got to me. It is unbearable to think of such hardship. I had paid £200.00 for a fish delivery and these people were right on the edge of survival. The irony is that it has taken so long for people to rumble the Tories. I remember being so angry to hear a Northerner say, I’m voting Tory because they’ve given us so many more foodbanks than Labour would do – as if that was a sign of beneficence. I shouldn’t have been surprised when Tory MPs and Councillors had publicity shots taken of them celebrating the local foodbank.

I went to bed with a tear in my eye and woke up AGAIN at 3.30 am. My damaged eye seems to have developed a bit of infection in spite of the ministrations of my Home Carer. I have got some eyedrops I picked up in Worthing this morning but I may need a stronger antiseptic.

Of course, we’ve got the best part of another year with this government and inflation will be with us throughout that period. The Bank of England forecast an inflation (CPI) rate of 7.2% by September and 5% by year end. That is beginning to look a little optimistic but, even if it is correct, it means that State Pensions and Public Sector workers’ pensions (Teachers) will increase by the September figure. Ironically, I’m expecting to add the equivalent of our joint State Pensions in investment earnings as well. Money makes money. Poverty kills.

This cost of living crisis is killing the Tories. Sunak looked really out of his depth in PMQs this morning. His back benchers were thin on the ground and quiet in support. So many of them are stepping down at the next election. Their polling adviser has told back benchers that if they don’t have a majority of more than 15,000 then they are ‘toast’.

Thursday, 29th June, 2023

Another poor night. What a tormented, weak specimen I am. Woken to flashes of lightning and distant rumbles of thunder at around 4.30 am. The storm didn’t come closer but when we got up before 7.00 am, it had rained which was something to be thankful for. The morning is dry now because, in Sussex, we voted to have rain delivered just over night so that the days are free for ‘playing out’.

Last night, one of the girls – Sharon – whose lawn I have been trying to revive, came over with a large and expensive bouquet of flowers. It made me feel awful because I can’t cope with things like that. I’m definitely a giver not a taker. Even so, they are absolutely lovely. To make myself feel better, I’m going to give her a bottle of champagne and get her Whatsapp contact so that I can send her a photo of the flowers.

The package next to the flowers I took in for another neighbour, Jill, who is away in Calabria, Italy. I Whatsapp-ed her to tell her the sex-toy had arrived. She seemed quite pleased.

News in the political world just gets better day by day:

1. The Lords vote down significant sections of the Illegal Migration Bill (Screams of horror from the Daily Fail / Daily Express readers).
2. The Commons Privileges Committee releases a secondary report naming a list of the lunatics who supported Johnson even though they knew he had lied and attacked the committee members to try and influence the decision. Threats were issued by people like Mad Nad Dorries, supine Rees-Smugg, (Not so) Priti Patel, etc.. No longer will parliament accept their shenanigans.
3. The much vaunted Rwanda migrant plan has been ruled unlawful by the Court of Appeal. Suella Braverman’s dream is crushed and one of Sunak’s 5 pledges is thwarted. At least they can console themselves that the Home Office economic assessment of £169,000.00 per migrant exported will be saved.

Friday, 30th June, 2023

A cooler, fresher day after the humidity of the past month. Last day of June already. Just preparing to go up to Lancashire for a few days. Having my seamstress alter my new suit. Short arms demand shorter sleeves. The trouble it poses is for the 4 buttons and the lining but my worker will manage it!

Don’t you just hate it when a line of communication suddenly breaks down? Makes you feel cut off! We have 5 Sky-Q boxes around the house and one in the Gym. Every morning Breakfast is accompanied by BBC R4 Today. Intelligent, quality analysis of the political and societal scene. We receive it digitally through the Sky -Q box in the Kitchen. It is a routine. This morning, the software failed on the Q-box. Ultimately, I managed to fix it but wonder how Pauline would have done it on her own. Amazing how an ordinary and routine thing can put one out.

Later in the day, our mobile texting service stopped working. Resetting phones, checking EE site for reported faults, reinstalling text apps – all to no avail. Incredibly frustrating. It really gets to me. If there’s a problem, I have to solve it. I have to say that we virtually never have a problem with EE but then we pay quite a lot for the service but you only miss it when it’s gone like so many things. Anyway, in age, I am learning to take it patiently and a long walk in the rain found the problem solved on my return.

You may have noticed that I am fixated on the weather. I have a very good weather app on my phone, another on my iPad and I use the BBC on my computer. It is not just mine but places I visit regularly, places I used to live in, places that friends live in, etc.. BBC weather used to be provided by the government’s Met. Office for years. Recently, they have dropped the Met and taken on a private concern called MeteoGroup. Many people think that was a mistake and the accuracy has been compromised. Certainly, I find my phone app much more targeted and accurate. Yesterday, the BBC Weather site had every area in the country experiencing 7C for the foreseeable future. It looked as if winter had returned. How would I know the best time to walk? At the same time, we were enjoying a sweaty, humid 23C/71F. Anyway, today order is restored. Looks wet in Wales.

To cap a week of breakdowns, the treadmill I bought just under three years ago developed a fault as I tried to balance and tighten the belt. It was beyond my capabilities to fix so we drove down to Shoreham on Sea where JTX – the company we bought it from – are sited. So pleased that we decided to go for the top of the range model because it has been fantastic, comes with an annual service and 3 yr warranty. It cost just a bit more than two subscriptions to David Lloyd Health Club for a year so it has already paid its way. JTX were fantastic and will have an engineer out to repair it on Tuesday.

Until then, I am relying on good, warm weather for outdoor walking plus my static bike and rowing machine. Really need to do more rowing. I’m not good at it!

Saturday, 1st June, 2023

New month, new start, new hope. You know what I mean. All things will go well and all manner of things will go well. Kevin is flying to Spain for the 4th time this year. Our neighbours, John & Jill are flying back from Calabria where they have had a wonderful week. I’m going to …. Lancashire soon.

Today, I have been out in the garden picking the produce of my labours: Courgettes, Ruby Oak-Leaved Lettuce and Green (Yellow) Beans. The Tomatoes were grown by Sainsburys. We’ll be eating these this weekend. They have only travelled 30 mtrs from soil to plate without any chemical treatments. Whatever they are like, we are bound to think they taste better than shop bought. Julie sent me a photo of her first pick of peas this morning. She seemed to be happy with them

My sister, Ruth, and her husband, Kevan, are celebrating their 51st wedding anniversary today. We wish them a happy day and many more to come.

Down here it’s a hot and sultry morning. We haven’t had anywhere near as much rain as we need. Guess what I’m doing … going out for a walk. I really am pleased with my improving fitness again now. I am achieving 9 miles every day for the past week, month and year so I think I’m fighting through the hormone treatment. As someone said the other day, never give up. I won’t!

I am certainly not giving up on Europe and the pendulum is definitely swinging back. At last, all over the media, people are feeling free to observe the Brexit-effect on trade, imports, jobs, travel, education and the finer things of life. I have always believed that it would be reversed eventually and I really think I will live to celebrate the day. You can celebrate it with me, Dear Reader!